*Note* computers are gay, and because of that, the formatting is all messed up on the last post. However, I do not care to fix it, because this computer normally has but one good site visitation in it before self-combustion, and I am using it to make fun of Ohio.

This was Forwarded to me, and I find it rediculously funny, just because most of the stuff is a big yes.

*You don't really know any homosexuals, you just know that there are a
lot of them in Lakewood. -yeah caitlin. Well, actually ,thanks to crew, I do know a few, but yeah. Lakewood and the Pheonix cafe.

You know you don't really have an accent, the rest of the world does. -well, actually, ohio doesn't have an accent, because there were these totally random people walking behind us in New York, and they were talking about, well, talking, and they were saying how Ohio doesn't have an accent. Well, northern Ohio, anyway. Though I don't know about those begels.

You hear there are always famous people in town, but you have never seen one. -actually, no, I never even hear of famous people here.

You hate country music, don't know anyone that does like country music, and yet WGAR just won the music station of the year. -ewe, it did? Well, I actually do know people who like country. Queerdos.

You find it hard to believe that someone as cool as Tom Hanks made his start here. But you'd brag about it. -he did?

You take credit for Cedar Point even though it is 2 hours away. -well, duh! we have to have something to take credit for. Eye ::heart:: CP

You honestly believe that Cleveland is the best city in the world. -you know what? Can't say that I do...

The Tri-C jingle "students for life" scares the hell out of you. Tri-C scares me. And I live behind it.

You take Dead Man's Curve at 60 mph holding your breath. you know what? Sometimes I cut down to 50. And I only have driven it like three times.

You know about the Eastside/Westside rivalry, but don't really understand it -actually, yes. What is that about? All that I know is that I am a westsider, and Danny is an Eastsider, and he lives further west than I do, and probably wants to shoot me anyway for real. But we won't get into that, eh?

"Good Morning from the Buzzard Morning Zoo" is a jingle you'll never forget. -drawing a blank here. But I do know what the buzzard is, just not the jingle.

Your neighborhood schools went without sports because all the senior citizens refused to pass the levies. -private schooling. CYO baby!

You actually know how to pronounce Cuyahoga. -well, if I live there, then I must know.

You can tell Brook Park, Brooklyn, and Old Brooklyn apart. -only because I drive 480 a lot.

You see Christmas lights still up in July. -actually, I know people who still have them up. I mean, what's the point of taking them down if you're just going to put them back up?

You love BW-3, but have no clue what the heck weck is. -I'm not a big wing fan. And no, someone enlighten me, what is weck?

You find yourself singing "Garfield 1-2323" in the shower. -so? prove it, buster.

You're still dumbfounded by the Leaping Fountain in Tower City. -oh, man! I love that thing! Do they still have it? oh, that rocked- at christmas, with all those heinous decorations all over the place.

You have never ridden in a taxi. -have to! In New York, though. Did you know that Westlake has a taxi service? Who needs it? walk for crying out loud!

You wear shorts the first day of the year it isn't below 30 and snowing,
just because you can. -I look bad in shorts. Skirts however...

You have gotten 3 speeding tickets, and they are all from the mile long
stretch of a suburb named Lindale. -no tickets! Yet! But I do know about that stupid suburb, and drive slowly for like a minute. 80 on a freeway should not be illegal, I tell you!

You have no idea how exactly to get to the Flats, you just kind of end up on a bank and start partying. -actually, I do know how to get there. Conerts and the like. Oh, and I once nearly ended up there on a Saturday night after going to the library.

You really don't know what the Warehouse District is, you just know that
it's a great place to party. -Pretty much. What else do they talk about on KISS FM?

You know who the Jake really is. -"the Jake" owns the land behind my house, and is the reason for there now being a parking lot in my backyard.

You hate Baltimore and you have never been there. -they took the Browns, right? No, I don't particularly hate them.

St. Patty's Day is your number one holiday, and you aren't Irish. -First of all, I'm more of a Halloween person. Secondly, I could be Irish, I could be anything.

You're still relishing 1987 when we ALMOST made it to the Super Bowl.-yeah, wasn't born then. Plus, I don't care about football.

You counted down with the monument in Tower City to the exact second in 1999 when the Browns came back. -no, but I do remember the hype. Still not a football person. More of an Indians girl, myself.

You heard Bill Clinton and Drew Carey love Parma Pierogies, but you have yet to ever eat there. -no, I've never heard that, no I've never eaten there, and no, I don;t like piorgies.

You know Tower City isn't a city at all. -Well, what did you think it was?

You're Polish. could be anything. Komo is decended from Polish royalty, though, as she liked to constantly remind us.

Stories of Little Italy still send chills down your spine -Elizabeth has many of those stories, as her grandparents live in the Itallian Ghetto! and I've been to Little Italy in NY, and it was fun, and had pretty and fanciful lights. I've never been to Cleveland's though.

At least half of your wardrobe is Tribe apparel. -truthfully, it once was, but is no longer. I think I own more Arizona Diamondbacks shirts now.

Comedian Jeff Foxworthy on Ohio: You may be from Ohio (pronounced ah-hi-uh) if:

a..You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange! -omg! did you know the cavs changed their colours? And that they are the cavaliers now? Cuz I so missed that memo until like two days ago.
b.. You know all the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction. That is such a lie. It's almost winter, winter, orange-barrel-uselessly-standing-out-waiting-to-be-taken, construction. God. Get it right.
c. You live less than 30 miles from some college or university. -like I said. Right in my own backyard.
d.. You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candy ones. -omg! Cornelius once made me an awesome buckeye with lots of sugary peanut butter and I ate it, and it was yummy and Ms. Carmody made fun of me.
e.. "Toward the lake" means "north" and "toward the river" means south.-the lake like magnetically attracts me, okay? More accurate than a compass, unless of course you're driving in Avon lake, and everywhere but south is towards the lake, and then you get confused.
f. You know if other Ohioans are from southern or northern Ohio as soon as they open their mouths. -damn you Cincy people. ::cough:: DEVER ::cough::
g.. You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine, Tuscarawas, Wapakoneta and you know which letter is doubled in
Cincinnati. -hey. Not all of those. Whats Wapakoneta? Although it doesn't seem difficult to spell. Are they trying to tell us that we are all decended from the Cuyahoga indians?
h.. "Vacation" means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deer hunting in the fall. -I resent that. Deer hunting is no fun. and you can still go to Cedar Point in the fall.
i.. You measure distance in minutes. -um, so?
j. Your school classes were canceled because of cold. -I love when that happens!!! like last year, when I called Elizabeth at like 7:30 in the morning, and we hung out until like 11:00 becasue the next day was St. Paddy's, and so it was AWESOME.
k.. Your school classes were canceled because of heat. -once in sixth grade our boiler at St. B's was broked. That almost counts, right?
l.. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. -no, only because I don't like heat. But Elizabeth messes up my car.
m.. You know what should be knee-high by the Fourth of July. -what? Corn? Yeah, I'm not allowed to sell that anymore.
n.. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" -excuse me, I am finely tuned in proper grammar. Do not mess with me.
o. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both un-locked. -are you kidding? My "father" is a fucking paranoid psycho, and therefore he has been known to lock me out of the house.
p.. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows. -oh...oh, god. Are you trying to kill me? They are: tuna, fruit, veggies, and ice cream, as Elizabeth full well knows.
q.. You carry jumper cables in your car. -yeah. My Easter Gift. Jumper cables. Sweet.
r.. You know what 'pop' is. -soda. But soda is for baking. Pop is for drinking.
s.. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. dude, I have this mouse costume that I can practically still fit in, my mother made it so big.
t.. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. -I suppose that's true.
u.. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown. -okay, I am not that much of a hick. Who wears tube socks anymore anyway?
v.. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one
page but requires 6 pages for sports. -the sports section is much closer to 12 pages.


So, yes. That's Ohio. No corn selling for me today, cuz Liz sort of got me fired. Time to find a real job.

yo ho
yo ho
a (Ohioan, no not really) pirate's life for
~me