Full question: Name one thing you always wanted to do, but haven’t. What has prevented you from doing it?
Okay so I guess we can maybe see why I thought it was stupid to do the Robert Frost poem. This question is so similar. So yeah, that's why I went with the literal interpretation of the previous question.
Anyway, I suppose it's as good a time as any to ask this question because I literally just finished school. Maybe forever. Hopefully not. I'm aiming to get my PhD Like A Boss, and so that people can call me "Doctor." Right now I'm only qualified to be called "Master," which is the exact opposite (Yeah, Doctor Who reference, what the fuck is up?)
Honestly, maybe there's some stupid stuff I haven't done, but I'm more or less on track with my life. It's not perfect, but it's all right. I guess maybe I would like to write a book. I like writing but I lack the focus/determination/creativity to actually put together a whole novel. I was going to maybe try NanoWriMo, but November is literally the worst possible month to make a challenge like that. Maybe I'll make my own NanoWriMo during my (hopefully brief) unemployment come January. I mean, technically I'm unemployed now, but I'm not going to find anything at this point, so I'm waiting until the holidays are over. Jen's wedding is this weekend! I'm excited, there will be drinking and dancing and David Bowie!
Despite my inability to write a whole novel, I'm going to take this time to share with you a story about my day. Please don't tell Susan, it's going to be her Christmas surprise.
This all starts really in September. My father decided to finally get mother a new laptop like she's wanted for about three years now. Her present model is a Sony Viao; 20", something like a 80GB harddrive (even mine is 150, though most of that is consumed at this point...), weighs a pile, and of course my parents have like six anti-virus programs installed. So he asked me for suggestions. I found a few good ones- some were as cheap as the upper $200s for decent specs. Well fast forward to the week before Thanksgiving, when I call to ask if he ever got around to that and his answer was, "Oh, I thought you were doing that?" My face when: -_-
So not that prices are jacked up, I begin a search. Bobby lent me some ideas, namely to look for an i3 processor at least, which is a bit over doing it for mother, but she's probably going to have to use this for another six years again, so it's just as well.
After much time spent on Amazon.com, newegg.com, and slickdeals, I finally found this ridiculous deal for a $450 i5 Asus computer at Best Buy. It wasn't even on sale- that was the normal price. Most of the i3s even on Amazon were at least $125-150 more. So I was pretty stoked. I immediately jumped on it, opting for store pick-up at the Clark St locale, which said they had it (there was no shipping available). Half an hour later (this was all at like 6:30 am on Cyber Monday btw) they emailed me and said basically, "psyyyych we lied. Call customer service!" So I went to work and did just that. After an hour on hold, listening to a terrible tinny rendition of Jingle Bells, I managed to put it on backorder. The lady didn't know anything about it, so I just crossed my fingers that they'd get it.
Well a few days ago I get an email that's like, "we're gonna go cancel that unless you call." So I called again (thankfully I called later at night and wasn't on hold for very long) and they just extended the backorder. Meanwhile, the girl on the phone that night was actually useful and called a few stores, and they told her apparently it was a new item and didn't actually exist yet?
At this point I went to the store and decided to just ask them what the hell was going on. The girl at the store had no more idea than anyone else, though, so it was sort of a waste of a trip. That was yesterday. Now obvs, I'm getting a tad nervioso because I'm supposed to get this to Susan for Christmas.
Today, literally as soon as I got on the train after my final, Bobby sends me an email with a new deal. This is a Lenovo i3 for only $380. And I checked the site and it said it DEFINITELY existed at Best Buy on North Ave. SCORE! I hopped on the express (forgetting that sedgewick isn't that close to Clyborne...) and ran to the store. I talked to an actually helpful person (yay Faye, who actually sort of reminded me of the Faye from questionable content ) and she searched for the computer in the inventory aaaand.... nothing. What. The. Hell.
So I had her look at the Ohio (Cleveland/Columbus) and Indianapolis stores, seeing as I'll be in all those cities over the next 4 days. They had it at Strongsville, which is literally on my journey I shall be driving on Friday, so I told her to go ahead and book it there. While she attempted to do that, they wouldn't let her put a hold on it. She couldn't figure out why, until the inventory from the North Ave store showed that it existed. As in, the same inventory that said '0' ten minutes earlier. I know. She showed me.
Well so she checked the back of the store and there it was! Somehow the inventory wasn't updated. Awesome. So I bought this cheaper one, and then had her cancel the other one I'd ordered. And of course, wouldn't you know, it's now in the warehouse. So I have to go to the Clark Store and ask them to return it basically. So it was one big clusterfuck. BUT I have the cheaper computer in my posession, and it shouldn't be a big deal to just return the computer once it actually shows up in the Clark inventory (it's still in Warehouse right now, so they can't do anything about it). So I guess we had a happy ending, but still. Best Buy. Get your inventory online lined up with what's really happening. Shit, man.
The best part was, I got on the red line to go home and for some reason got on the 95th train at North/Clyborne. Literally the second we started leaving the station I was like, "Ummmmmm I'm going the wrong way, aren't I?"
That was a long pointless story. I apologise, but it's just been such an ordeal and I'm sort of proud of the deal I got so there ya go.
Meanwhile, I'm debating if I'm hood enough to see Childish Gambino by myself in March.
Oh and also I'm officially done with my Master's degree, barring major exam failure. So, um, yay? Is Starbucks hiring?
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
13. Robert Frost write a poem titled The Road Not Taken. Name a road you’ve always wanted to travel. Where do you hope it takes you, and what might you see on the way?
What's up? That's rhetorical. No one is reading this, and I'm just procrastinating on finals. I just finished a batch of example problems. Exciting, I know.
Okay so the question at hand. This seems really clichéd. I mean, it's a valid question, but I was tired of this Robert Frost poem by 4th grade. I mean, Robert Frost is okay (I'm not a big poetry person) but this whole poem is so over-analysed and over-referenced.
The question I have is whether this prompt referring to metaphorical roads or literal ones. I think this poem is interpreted metaphorically pretty often, and thus I feel the overwhelming need to be contrary and answer it literally.
One road I've always wanted to take is I-90. The whole way. All 3100 miles. I-90 stretches from Boston to Seattle, passing through such illustrious places as: Cleveland, Ohio; South Bend, Indiana, Erie, Pennsylvania; and Chicago, Illinois. (Try to figure out which one I'm not being sarcastic about) But I've never travelled west of Chicago (and even within the city, I rarely go out past Pulaski), and I've only been to Boston once, so the furthest I've really been out east on the road is to wherever it splits off to Buffalo. (Unrelated note: I really miss skiing sometimes.) I used to be a big fan of interstate driving (SPEED!) and I always wanted to do the stereotypical road trip. I had the chance to do one last summer, which would've taken me from Columbus to Chicago to Yellowstone to Texas and over to LA (random, I know.) Instead, of course, I did a semi-road trip through Europe, though it wasn't the same, being on a tour bus and all. Something about doing the driving yourself makes it different.
I've also always wanted to see the pretty parts of the west- I've been to Arizona, which is sort of nice, if only because it's a complete change of pace from the upper Midwest, but I went ages ago, and really there's not much to see. But I've never seen the Rockies or even the plains (not that I suspect I'm missing much, based on extrapolating data from Indiana), and I'd love to check out Seattle. Plus, on the other end, I've always felt I should give Boston a try again. I was really bitter when I went there last time, so I formed a negative opinion of it before really giving it a chance.
Furthermore, I feel like the advantage of a roadtrip is you can go see those stupid kitschy things. The world's biggest ball of yarn; world's smallest pig, whatever the hell else they keep in places like Wyoming and southern Minnesota. I would totally hit up some of those stupid things if I had the chance; however, with gas prices and whatnot, it's sort of frivolous to go on a road trip these days. Hell, even when I drive from Cleveland to Columbus, I always see a sign for "Mid-Ohio" (it's near Mansfield if I recall) and seeing as Columbus itself is pretty close to the geographical middle of Ohio, I am constantly plagued by wondering what in the hell that means exactly. Is it a point on a map? Are there things there? What point does it serve? (My mind is a sad place.)
Unfortunately, I also feel like I'm past the optimal road trip age. If I'd done it within the past two or three years maybe, but now everyone I know works (I am not lame enough to go on a road trip alone) and/or is busy in school getting higher degrees, yet no one has money to spend, and we're all beyond the point where our parents will donate funds to silly vacation schemes. It's sort of sad, I feel a little bit like I missed out on an opportunity for an iconic American activity. Then I remind myself that driving for fun is unnecessarily expensive and terrible for the environment and so I don't really worry too much about it.
Right about now I wouldn't mind a change of pace. I'm doing the transition thing with my life again, and a vacation in between wouldn't be so bad. I love the city, but I haven't been anywhere besides Ohio or Chicago for almost a year and a half- granted, that year and a half ago was the Europe trip, but still. I guess I'll just have to hope I get an interview at my non-Chicago schools in order to spice things up. San Francisco? New York City? I could work with those.
Back to studying. No pictures, I have nothing relevant. Here's a music video I can't stop listening to, though: If I keep resetting the playback button, YouTube doesn't know I've listened to this 1000 times, right?
Okay so the question at hand. This seems really clichéd. I mean, it's a valid question, but I was tired of this Robert Frost poem by 4th grade. I mean, Robert Frost is okay (I'm not a big poetry person) but this whole poem is so over-analysed and over-referenced.
The question I have is whether this prompt referring to metaphorical roads or literal ones. I think this poem is interpreted metaphorically pretty often, and thus I feel the overwhelming need to be contrary and answer it literally.
One road I've always wanted to take is I-90. The whole way. All 3100 miles. I-90 stretches from Boston to Seattle, passing through such illustrious places as: Cleveland, Ohio; South Bend, Indiana, Erie, Pennsylvania; and Chicago, Illinois. (Try to figure out which one I'm not being sarcastic about) But I've never travelled west of Chicago (and even within the city, I rarely go out past Pulaski), and I've only been to Boston once, so the furthest I've really been out east on the road is to wherever it splits off to Buffalo. (Unrelated note: I really miss skiing sometimes.) I used to be a big fan of interstate driving (SPEED!) and I always wanted to do the stereotypical road trip. I had the chance to do one last summer, which would've taken me from Columbus to Chicago to Yellowstone to Texas and over to LA (random, I know.) Instead, of course, I did a semi-road trip through Europe, though it wasn't the same, being on a tour bus and all. Something about doing the driving yourself makes it different.
I've also always wanted to see the pretty parts of the west- I've been to Arizona, which is sort of nice, if only because it's a complete change of pace from the upper Midwest, but I went ages ago, and really there's not much to see. But I've never seen the Rockies or even the plains (not that I suspect I'm missing much, based on extrapolating data from Indiana), and I'd love to check out Seattle. Plus, on the other end, I've always felt I should give Boston a try again. I was really bitter when I went there last time, so I formed a negative opinion of it before really giving it a chance.
Furthermore, I feel like the advantage of a roadtrip is you can go see those stupid kitschy things. The world's biggest ball of yarn; world's smallest pig, whatever the hell else they keep in places like Wyoming and southern Minnesota. I would totally hit up some of those stupid things if I had the chance; however, with gas prices and whatnot, it's sort of frivolous to go on a road trip these days. Hell, even when I drive from Cleveland to Columbus, I always see a sign for "Mid-Ohio" (it's near Mansfield if I recall) and seeing as Columbus itself is pretty close to the geographical middle of Ohio, I am constantly plagued by wondering what in the hell that means exactly. Is it a point on a map? Are there things there? What point does it serve? (My mind is a sad place.)
Unfortunately, I also feel like I'm past the optimal road trip age. If I'd done it within the past two or three years maybe, but now everyone I know works (I am not lame enough to go on a road trip alone) and/or is busy in school getting higher degrees, yet no one has money to spend, and we're all beyond the point where our parents will donate funds to silly vacation schemes. It's sort of sad, I feel a little bit like I missed out on an opportunity for an iconic American activity. Then I remind myself that driving for fun is unnecessarily expensive and terrible for the environment and so I don't really worry too much about it.
Right about now I wouldn't mind a change of pace. I'm doing the transition thing with my life again, and a vacation in between wouldn't be so bad. I love the city, but I haven't been anywhere besides Ohio or Chicago for almost a year and a half- granted, that year and a half ago was the Europe trip, but still. I guess I'll just have to hope I get an interview at my non-Chicago schools in order to spice things up. San Francisco? New York City? I could work with those.
Back to studying. No pictures, I have nothing relevant. Here's a music video I can't stop listening to, though: If I keep resetting the playback button, YouTube doesn't know I've listened to this 1000 times, right?
Sunday, July 24, 2011
12. A Secret that is Not a Secret
Again the full prompt for this looked kind of long in the title. The question I shall be addressing today is: What is one thing nobody knows about you because nobody ever cared to ask?
This is sort of hard to answer. I tell people things about myself that I know objectively they do not give a shit about. I've had some of my friends for a long time- you start to run out of new things to tell them, you have to dig deep to find new topics. Plus I'm an open book (obviously, I've been writing in this blog for what? Eight years?) and I am bad at keeping secrets about myself. I'm sorry to disappoint, but I don't really have any skeletons in my closet. I'm sitting here, combing every crevice of my brain, and literally nothing is coming to mind. Honestly, not even something scandalous that I don't want to put on the internet. I think we just need to accept the fact that I'm not terribly interesting.
I recently began the foray into online dating. Yes, I know, I'm a sad pathetic loser. It's fine, I've come to accept that about myself. I've actually gone on dates, too- one was nice but the guy never called back, the other was just sort of meh but I'm giving it another chance. I figure if nothing else, I'm getting some free dinner out of this. Between the fact that Colleen is here, and we've been enjoying some of the best food in the city, and that I've tricked men into taking me out to eat somehow, I haven't had to make dinner at all this week (I had major leftovers from Tank on Saturday last.) Wow I actually just realised that. Awesome. Especially considering I have no money left in my bank account
Since Colleen is here, and she's a Yelp goddess (seriously- she writes reviews for them all the time and gets invited to their member's only deals) she's been good at finding restaurants. Pretty much I pull up a handful from whatever neighbourhood we want to go to and she culls from those our best option. On Thursday we went to Blue Island for sushi, which, no exaggeration, is the best sushi I've ever had. The spicy tuna rolls were to DIE for, and the California Rolls had this citrusy flavour to them that I didn't expect but found to be surprisingly delightful. Friday we went to Stella's in Lakeview/Lincoln Park (I'm not sure which neighbourhood that chunk is technically in) and I have never eaten so much delicious food for 10 bucks. I got the eggplant parmesan which I HIGHLY recommend. Plus it was BYOB, which is always fantastic. The owner, Jimmy, and Colleen were chatting it up over yelp. He introduced himself to us and told us to come back and I fully intend on making Michelle go back with me like...asap. She lives right down the street, it's not that far.
Last night we went to Navy Pier. The weather was almost not awful (we got caught in a deluge on Friday night in fucking Wrigleyville) and we had way too much fun people watching. You've never seen so many sad, dejected adults that look like they've given up on life until you see tourist parents take their children to Navy Pier. We ate at Margaritaville, which I'd been to before in Panama City Beach, but I guess the one up here is new. Honestly, for a chain restaurant or whatever, their food is pretty decent. I wouldn't say stellar, but I've gotten the fish tacos both times and both times I was pleased. Plus the margaritas are legit- actual tequila in them and everything! After we watched the fireworks and then just went home, as it was already kind of late and the weather looked dangerous again.
Today our plans are to check out the mexican restaurant that's less than a block away from me (the yelp reviews were good, and I've somehow never eaten there before) and then head to do some shopping in Lincoln Park, then eventually make our way over to the wine bar for flights. I'm not sure if my bank account can handle all this, but it's been so fun and I've eaten so well that I'm just trying to ignore my dwindling funds and enjoy myself.
This is sort of hard to answer. I tell people things about myself that I know objectively they do not give a shit about. I've had some of my friends for a long time- you start to run out of new things to tell them, you have to dig deep to find new topics. Plus I'm an open book (obviously, I've been writing in this blog for what? Eight years?) and I am bad at keeping secrets about myself. I'm sorry to disappoint, but I don't really have any skeletons in my closet. I'm sitting here, combing every crevice of my brain, and literally nothing is coming to mind. Honestly, not even something scandalous that I don't want to put on the internet. I think we just need to accept the fact that I'm not terribly interesting.
I recently began the foray into online dating. Yes, I know, I'm a sad pathetic loser. It's fine, I've come to accept that about myself. I've actually gone on dates, too- one was nice but the guy never called back, the other was just sort of meh but I'm giving it another chance. I figure if nothing else, I'm getting some free dinner out of this. Between the fact that Colleen is here, and we've been enjoying some of the best food in the city, and that I've tricked men into taking me out to eat somehow, I haven't had to make dinner at all this week (I had major leftovers from Tank on Saturday last.) Wow I actually just realised that. Awesome. Especially considering I have no money left in my bank account
Since Colleen is here, and she's a Yelp goddess (seriously- she writes reviews for them all the time and gets invited to their member's only deals) she's been good at finding restaurants. Pretty much I pull up a handful from whatever neighbourhood we want to go to and she culls from those our best option. On Thursday we went to Blue Island for sushi, which, no exaggeration, is the best sushi I've ever had. The spicy tuna rolls were to DIE for, and the California Rolls had this citrusy flavour to them that I didn't expect but found to be surprisingly delightful. Friday we went to Stella's in Lakeview/Lincoln Park (I'm not sure which neighbourhood that chunk is technically in) and I have never eaten so much delicious food for 10 bucks. I got the eggplant parmesan which I HIGHLY recommend. Plus it was BYOB, which is always fantastic. The owner, Jimmy, and Colleen were chatting it up over yelp. He introduced himself to us and told us to come back and I fully intend on making Michelle go back with me like...asap. She lives right down the street, it's not that far.
Last night we went to Navy Pier. The weather was almost not awful (we got caught in a deluge on Friday night in fucking Wrigleyville) and we had way too much fun people watching. You've never seen so many sad, dejected adults that look like they've given up on life until you see tourist parents take their children to Navy Pier. We ate at Margaritaville, which I'd been to before in Panama City Beach, but I guess the one up here is new. Honestly, for a chain restaurant or whatever, their food is pretty decent. I wouldn't say stellar, but I've gotten the fish tacos both times and both times I was pleased. Plus the margaritas are legit- actual tequila in them and everything! After we watched the fireworks and then just went home, as it was already kind of late and the weather looked dangerous again.
Today our plans are to check out the mexican restaurant that's less than a block away from me (the yelp reviews were good, and I've somehow never eaten there before) and then head to do some shopping in Lincoln Park, then eventually make our way over to the wine bar for flights. I'm not sure if my bank account can handle all this, but it's been so fun and I've eaten so well that I'm just trying to ignore my dwindling funds and enjoy myself.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
11. A year or more ago...
Full Prompt: Turn to an entry in your journal or diary from a year or more ago. What has changed and what has stayed the same since then?
This one was fun and I wanted to get to it soon for a variety of reasons. First of all, because I was in Europe a year ago, so I was actually keeping a journal pretty religiously (the bus rides between cities was loooong) and also because I am self-involved enough that I love reading old things I wrote. This is less for their content (trust me, I cringe at my 'feelings' and 'emotions' from the pre-college entries in this blog) and more because I can always hear myself writing these things. Plus, it's always interesting to know exactly what feelings were going on a year ago and see how things have changed.
I kept the journal by hand, and even if I didn't, I wouldn't be terribly keen to post it directly, but I'll write a summary. Beforehand, if I have to guess how I was feeling, I'm going to go with "omgthisissuperfuni'mineurope." Let's see...
Ohhh snap! I was wrong! I forgot that we went to Venice the day after Austria (where I distinctly remember celebrating the 4th of July with a rousing round of "America the Beautiful- Devon, a kid on the trip, looked up all the verses on his iPhone and tried to make us sing them all. Did you know there are like six verses to that song? Fuck that noise) and Venice was the only city I didn't like. It was hot, and smelly, and I didn't feel very well so I was grumpy. Furthermore, we had had a fantastic time in Austria (I really liked our central Europe stretch in general) and I was sorry to leave the relative peace and freedom of the Amsterdam/Switzerland/Germany/Austria part of the trip and get thrown back into the tours and not-being-able-to-leave-the-thirty-person-group part of the trip. Plus it's a rather touristy city at this point, so everything was expensive- and we got conned into paying 21 euro for a lunch of rather shitty pizza and pasta. Actually I seem to recall, in general, that we didn't have any good italian food while in Italy. I thought at first it was just because we have an American perception of what Italian food should be, but my roommate Theresa, who had relatives in Rome (when we were there she actually skipped out on group stuff for the day to hang out with her cousin) assured me that real Italian food is delicious, and we can't have been eating at good places.
Anyway my general view on Venice was that it was a very interesting city, seeing as it was built in the middle of the water. Due to this fact, it's been sinking every year for five centuries, to the point where you can see the original steps to the canals have long submerged underwater. My thoughts in regards to this were pretty much: good riddance.
It didn't help when they made that awful Doctor Who episode about Vampires in Venice. Why did they have to cash in on that Twilight nonsense?!
The one up point about Venice is that I was feeling better by sunset, and our tour guide, Herbie, (who I had mixed feelings on, for the record) had managed to get us a deal with the gondoliers and so we all floated along in a gondola, listening to the musicians (who were in our boat!) and drinking spumante. Unfortunately, since our boat contained the musicians for the whole trip, tourists kept snapping pictures of us. As I pointed out in my journal, I don't know how I feel about my greasy, sweaty face being in the scrapbooks of travellers all over the world...
Another thing that I was doing was writing mini-bios, describing the people who went on the trip with me. I think I figured after two non-stop weeks with them, first impressions were over and I could offer a fairer assessment of them. Reading over them, either people ended up endearing themselves to me later in the trip or I have a hazier view of it than I would have expected, because I was quite cutting on a few people who, a year later, I more or less remember fondly. I didn't really stay in touch with anyone from the trip- they were all polite enough, just none of them would have been my choice by a long shot if I could have chosen my mates for the trip.
So... changes? Well, that's hard of course (that's what she said) because I was in a completely different place then, and living very much in the moment. Obviously, I'm not in Europe anymore, nor shall I have the prospect of visiting in front of my any time soon. I suppose since I've moved to Chicago, I'm still in a city that definitely has a touristy vibe- helped of course by the fact that I work only a few blocks from Water Tower, past Michigan Avenue. Actually, walking to the train today made me pretty disgruntled (aside: can you be gruntled? Would that mean happy and satisfied?) because there was a slew of people in the way. AND a huge family of tourists plopped themselves in front of the train entrance, bearing their suitcases, and proceeded to open up a map and look around. And I don't particularly care about them being foreigners in general, but whatever they were speaking wasn't remotely familiar to me (I'd guess something eastern european) so I couldn't point them in the right direction. Which I don't do to be polite, but to get them the hell out of my way. I must be fairly approachable looking when I'm not trying to get somewhere, though, because when I'm at Union Station waiting for the MegaBus, people always ask me how to get downtown. Never mind that it's a stupid questions because if they just LOOKED THE FUCK AROUND they would see it behind them, or if they bothered to read street signs (and these were Americans, mind you) they would see that they are in fact STANDING on Jackson Ave.
Honestly, tourists.
Anyway so I guess not a whole lot has changed. I still bitch about tourists, I still hate when I got to restaurants and get charged more than I planned (which used to happen at Cesar's... but hey, margaritas) and I still form opinions about people? Actually I remember vaguely planning to do the same mini-bios for the people in my programme, but it takes longer to form those impressions when you don't literally live with all of them 24/7. I could probably write them at this point, but I don't know if I care to. Anyway, I did spend a nice day out on Montrose Beach, which is beautiful, surprisingly. It wasn't even terribly crowded down by the water, and had a sweet view of downtown through the harbour, and of Edgewater/Rogers Park.
This one was fun and I wanted to get to it soon for a variety of reasons. First of all, because I was in Europe a year ago, so I was actually keeping a journal pretty religiously (the bus rides between cities was loooong) and also because I am self-involved enough that I love reading old things I wrote. This is less for their content (trust me, I cringe at my 'feelings' and 'emotions' from the pre-college entries in this blog) and more because I can always hear myself writing these things. Plus, it's always interesting to know exactly what feelings were going on a year ago and see how things have changed.
I kept the journal by hand, and even if I didn't, I wouldn't be terribly keen to post it directly, but I'll write a summary. Beforehand, if I have to guess how I was feeling, I'm going to go with "omgthisissuperfuni'mineurope." Let's see...
Ohhh snap! I was wrong! I forgot that we went to Venice the day after Austria (where I distinctly remember celebrating the 4th of July with a rousing round of "America the Beautiful- Devon, a kid on the trip, looked up all the verses on his iPhone and tried to make us sing them all. Did you know there are like six verses to that song? Fuck that noise) and Venice was the only city I didn't like. It was hot, and smelly, and I didn't feel very well so I was grumpy. Furthermore, we had had a fantastic time in Austria (I really liked our central Europe stretch in general) and I was sorry to leave the relative peace and freedom of the Amsterdam/Switzerland/Germany/Austria part of the trip and get thrown back into the tours and not-being-able-to-leave-the-thirty-person-group part of the trip. Plus it's a rather touristy city at this point, so everything was expensive- and we got conned into paying 21 euro for a lunch of rather shitty pizza and pasta. Actually I seem to recall, in general, that we didn't have any good italian food while in Italy. I thought at first it was just because we have an American perception of what Italian food should be, but my roommate Theresa, who had relatives in Rome (when we were there she actually skipped out on group stuff for the day to hang out with her cousin) assured me that real Italian food is delicious, and we can't have been eating at good places.
Anyway my general view on Venice was that it was a very interesting city, seeing as it was built in the middle of the water. Due to this fact, it's been sinking every year for five centuries, to the point where you can see the original steps to the canals have long submerged underwater. My thoughts in regards to this were pretty much: good riddance.
It didn't help when they made that awful Doctor Who episode about Vampires in Venice. Why did they have to cash in on that Twilight nonsense?!
The one up point about Venice is that I was feeling better by sunset, and our tour guide, Herbie, (who I had mixed feelings on, for the record) had managed to get us a deal with the gondoliers and so we all floated along in a gondola, listening to the musicians (who were in our boat!) and drinking spumante. Unfortunately, since our boat contained the musicians for the whole trip, tourists kept snapping pictures of us. As I pointed out in my journal, I don't know how I feel about my greasy, sweaty face being in the scrapbooks of travellers all over the world...
Another thing that I was doing was writing mini-bios, describing the people who went on the trip with me. I think I figured after two non-stop weeks with them, first impressions were over and I could offer a fairer assessment of them. Reading over them, either people ended up endearing themselves to me later in the trip or I have a hazier view of it than I would have expected, because I was quite cutting on a few people who, a year later, I more or less remember fondly. I didn't really stay in touch with anyone from the trip- they were all polite enough, just none of them would have been my choice by a long shot if I could have chosen my mates for the trip.
So... changes? Well, that's hard of course (that's what she said) because I was in a completely different place then, and living very much in the moment. Obviously, I'm not in Europe anymore, nor shall I have the prospect of visiting in front of my any time soon. I suppose since I've moved to Chicago, I'm still in a city that definitely has a touristy vibe- helped of course by the fact that I work only a few blocks from Water Tower, past Michigan Avenue. Actually, walking to the train today made me pretty disgruntled (aside: can you be gruntled? Would that mean happy and satisfied?) because there was a slew of people in the way. AND a huge family of tourists plopped themselves in front of the train entrance, bearing their suitcases, and proceeded to open up a map and look around. And I don't particularly care about them being foreigners in general, but whatever they were speaking wasn't remotely familiar to me (I'd guess something eastern european) so I couldn't point them in the right direction. Which I don't do to be polite, but to get them the hell out of my way. I must be fairly approachable looking when I'm not trying to get somewhere, though, because when I'm at Union Station waiting for the MegaBus, people always ask me how to get downtown. Never mind that it's a stupid questions because if they just LOOKED THE FUCK AROUND they would see it behind them, or if they bothered to read street signs (and these were Americans, mind you) they would see that they are in fact STANDING on Jackson Ave.
Honestly, tourists.
Anyway so I guess not a whole lot has changed. I still bitch about tourists, I still hate when I got to restaurants and get charged more than I planned (which used to happen at Cesar's... but hey, margaritas) and I still form opinions about people? Actually I remember vaguely planning to do the same mini-bios for the people in my programme, but it takes longer to form those impressions when you don't literally live with all of them 24/7. I could probably write them at this point, but I don't know if I care to. Anyway, I did spend a nice day out on Montrose Beach, which is beautiful, surprisingly. It wasn't even terribly crowded down by the water, and had a sweet view of downtown through the harbour, and of Edgewater/Rogers Park.
Monday, July 04, 2011
10. Name your most cherished childhood memory.
I spent some time thinking about this, and came up with diddly squat. This isn't to say, of course, that I don't have childhood memories that I'm fond of, but I'm not a person terribly disposed to nostalgia. Plus I feel like a lot of my childhood memories are either mildly traumatising (such as the first and only time I was spanked [I totally deserved it for the record], the year I had no friends in grade school, getting in fights with my friends in high school, getting yelled at by teachers- it's like I only have the ability to retain the negative stuff) or just kind of ineffably profound.
I made a playlist recently of all the music I listened to in high school that I'm appropriately ashamed of now. While I can't say that I particularly like any of the music any more, there are still memories attached to a lot of it, which I can elicit when I listen to said playlist. However, again, it's just sort of an inexplicable sense of what it felt like to be 17 again (good and bad) rather than specific moments in time or memories. Today "Swing, Swing" came on while I was at the beach, and dammit if that song just doesn't make me feel like I'm driving my car for the first time all over again.
There are two reasons I've decided that I lack the capacity to suffer from nostalgia. First of all, my cynicism doesn't allow me to have a biased enough memory of times past. I'm not saying my memories are unbiased, just that they certainly don't seem to only encompass the good. I don't have this sense of a halcyon era long gone. Yes, childhood was nice because I could play a lot, but also no one took me seriously and I couldn't do whatever I wanted. High school wasn't so terrible, I had good friends and we did silly things, but it's a time of ridiculous emotions (seriously, I've read my old blog posts, it's a wonder my mother didn't strangle me). College was fun but also stressful. It's always a mix of good and bad. Somehow, I've managed to keep a perspective on that. It's not perfect, and I'm not saying that I don't sometimes wish I could go back in time (mostly because having a TARDIS would be FUCKING AWESOME) but, as my friend Shannon pointed out, it'd be better to go back as a ghost or phantom and follow your old self around and just see what it was really like in the bygone days of ol'.
Secondly, I'm actually really happy with where I am right now. Which isn't to say my life is perfect- I have no idea what I'll be doing in six months, I continue to remain woefully single (and with my new-found love for My Little Pony I just don't see how), I'm objectively kind of poor, and I'm further away from most of my 'best' friends than I ever have been in my life. Maybe again I'm just biased (I did spend a spectacular day on the beach, reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which will definitely give you some perspective on angsty teenagers) but I really love this city and I love my job, and even though I'm far away from my old friends, I a) have managed to make some new ones who aren't too terrible themselves and b) I live in the future, so I can still keep in touch with a lot of the old ones.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't have a most cherished childhood memory because I'm cynical yet content.
I was going to post the photo I have of the ridiculous "yard art" my parents' neighbours have, but my phone hates sending pictures so I probably won't get it until tomorrow.
I made a playlist recently of all the music I listened to in high school that I'm appropriately ashamed of now. While I can't say that I particularly like any of the music any more, there are still memories attached to a lot of it, which I can elicit when I listen to said playlist. However, again, it's just sort of an inexplicable sense of what it felt like to be 17 again (good and bad) rather than specific moments in time or memories. Today "Swing, Swing" came on while I was at the beach, and dammit if that song just doesn't make me feel like I'm driving my car for the first time all over again.
There are two reasons I've decided that I lack the capacity to suffer from nostalgia. First of all, my cynicism doesn't allow me to have a biased enough memory of times past. I'm not saying my memories are unbiased, just that they certainly don't seem to only encompass the good. I don't have this sense of a halcyon era long gone. Yes, childhood was nice because I could play a lot, but also no one took me seriously and I couldn't do whatever I wanted. High school wasn't so terrible, I had good friends and we did silly things, but it's a time of ridiculous emotions (seriously, I've read my old blog posts, it's a wonder my mother didn't strangle me). College was fun but also stressful. It's always a mix of good and bad. Somehow, I've managed to keep a perspective on that. It's not perfect, and I'm not saying that I don't sometimes wish I could go back in time (mostly because having a TARDIS would be FUCKING AWESOME) but, as my friend Shannon pointed out, it'd be better to go back as a ghost or phantom and follow your old self around and just see what it was really like in the bygone days of ol'.
Secondly, I'm actually really happy with where I am right now. Which isn't to say my life is perfect- I have no idea what I'll be doing in six months, I continue to remain woefully single (and with my new-found love for My Little Pony I just don't see how), I'm objectively kind of poor, and I'm further away from most of my 'best' friends than I ever have been in my life. Maybe again I'm just biased (I did spend a spectacular day on the beach, reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which will definitely give you some perspective on angsty teenagers) but I really love this city and I love my job, and even though I'm far away from my old friends, I a) have managed to make some new ones who aren't too terrible themselves and b) I live in the future, so I can still keep in touch with a lot of the old ones.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't have a most cherished childhood memory because I'm cynical yet content.
I was going to post the photo I have of the ridiculous "yard art" my parents' neighbours have, but my phone hates sending pictures so I probably won't get it until tomorrow.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
9. Who was your first crush and what made them special?
This question is stupid because I remember my first crush, in grade school, and there was nothing special about him. I guess I just thought he was cute. I never did anything about it (oh, how things haven't changed...) and so that's that.
Anyway I'm writing because I'm bored and have time to kill before my laundry is done drying. Actually probably a lot of time to kill because the spin cycle on my washer didn't work so great, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to run the one load twice. EXCITING LAUNDRY TIMES!
Yesterday I finished reading Game of Thrones, which I bought because 1) I've been following the show and 2) it was on sale for like 13 bucks at Target. Which maybe doesn't sound that cheap but list price was $19 and it's ridiculously long. But good! So good! The show stays pretty faithful to it, and what it changes makes sense (generally if anything they just add backstory somehow since they can't really narrate like in the novel... although, thanks to it being HBO, this backstory often comes packaged with gratuitous sex) but it's nice to read the book and have a little more idea of the character's thoughts and motivations. Plus there are so many goddamned named it gets confusing on the show, but now I'm pretty sure I know who's who and who they swear allegiance to. The book was surprisingly not tedious- for how involved and intricate the show is, I could see it dragging, but for the most part it does not.
In other less exciting and more depressing news, Susan called on Thursday night last to inform me that they had to put Sparky to sleep. I was more than a little upset. She's been my puppy for almost 14 years. I know she was sick and in pain, and I'm glad she didn't really have to suffer too long at the end, but at the same time, I'm literally leaving for Cleveland tonight, I wish she could've held on. It's weird to think that six months ago was the last time I'll ever see her- it makes me wonder who else I've already seen for the last time.
That conversation sort of came up when I was talking to Nick last night. You know, we all graduated (366 days ago...) and went our separate ways. And a year ago, I don't think a lot of my friends who were class '10 with me expected to be where they are right now at this particular moment in time. The way the economy is and such, it's hard for people to get jobs, and as Conan O'Brien pointed out in his Dartmouth address (which I totally watched and you should, too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmDYXaaT9sA) despite all the plans and hopes we have, you never really know where life will take you. I have no idea what I'm doing once school is over in December. Ideally I'll go on to get my PhD starting in fall of 2012 but who knows if I'll find something for sure, and if I do where that will be and etc etc. (Also it may all be for naught anyway if the world ends in December 2012) And even if I do find something, there's at least six months there where I have to find a job doing something, anything, to make enough money to pay rent.
So I guess we'll just see where life takes me? It's a scary prospect for someone who likes planning, but I need to get used to it. I'm lucky my parents probably won't let me become destitute and that I have a degree that might actually be useful for finding a job (yayyyy science!) but still, you never know.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go see how wet my laundry still is...
Anyway I'm writing because I'm bored and have time to kill before my laundry is done drying. Actually probably a lot of time to kill because the spin cycle on my washer didn't work so great, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to run the one load twice. EXCITING LAUNDRY TIMES!
Yesterday I finished reading Game of Thrones, which I bought because 1) I've been following the show and 2) it was on sale for like 13 bucks at Target. Which maybe doesn't sound that cheap but list price was $19 and it's ridiculously long. But good! So good! The show stays pretty faithful to it, and what it changes makes sense (generally if anything they just add backstory somehow since they can't really narrate like in the novel... although, thanks to it being HBO, this backstory often comes packaged with gratuitous sex) but it's nice to read the book and have a little more idea of the character's thoughts and motivations. Plus there are so many goddamned named it gets confusing on the show, but now I'm pretty sure I know who's who and who they swear allegiance to. The book was surprisingly not tedious- for how involved and intricate the show is, I could see it dragging, but for the most part it does not.
In other less exciting and more depressing news, Susan called on Thursday night last to inform me that they had to put Sparky to sleep. I was more than a little upset. She's been my puppy for almost 14 years. I know she was sick and in pain, and I'm glad she didn't really have to suffer too long at the end, but at the same time, I'm literally leaving for Cleveland tonight, I wish she could've held on. It's weird to think that six months ago was the last time I'll ever see her- it makes me wonder who else I've already seen for the last time.
That conversation sort of came up when I was talking to Nick last night. You know, we all graduated (366 days ago...) and went our separate ways. And a year ago, I don't think a lot of my friends who were class '10 with me expected to be where they are right now at this particular moment in time. The way the economy is and such, it's hard for people to get jobs, and as Conan O'Brien pointed out in his Dartmouth address (which I totally watched and you should, too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmDYXaaT9sA) despite all the plans and hopes we have, you never really know where life will take you. I have no idea what I'm doing once school is over in December. Ideally I'll go on to get my PhD starting in fall of 2012 but who knows if I'll find something for sure, and if I do where that will be and etc etc. (Also it may all be for naught anyway if the world ends in December 2012) And even if I do find something, there's at least six months there where I have to find a job doing something, anything, to make enough money to pay rent.
So I guess we'll just see where life takes me? It's a scary prospect for someone who likes planning, but I need to get used to it. I'm lucky my parents probably won't let me become destitute and that I have a degree that might actually be useful for finding a job (yayyyy science!) but still, you never know.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go see how wet my laundry still is...
Sunday, June 05, 2011
8. When was your last food craving, and what did you crave?
Ahhh, food. I love food. It's one of my favourite things. Just, in general, as a whole.
So I guess that makes this a relatively dull post because I know what last I craved- nutella. And I consumed it in the form of a Mexican crepe, which is a whole-wheat tortilla smothered in nutella and folded in half. Bananas or Strawberries optional. As bizarre as it sounds, it's actually delicious.
I justify the nomification of this nutella because I'm in the throes of finals studying. I wrote a 6-paged progress report this morning, went to yoga, then spent a decent chunk of the early evening procrastinating before studying for my stem cells and neurodevelopment class. It's very interesting but there are so many transcription factors and induction factors and words and abbreviations to remember. And I have to write a paper for that, too, tomorrow.
I really only got bored and posted in here because I'm waiting for Game of Thrones to buffer. Such a compelling show. I watched the first half of the episode before my internet crapped out on me. Some guy got his tongue ripped out! Oh, HBO, we love you for your gratuitous sex and violence.
The picture posted is of a real life adult dinner I made for myself a few weeks back. Ahi tuna filet with mushrooms atop, a salad with walnuts and blackberries (a little sour still, not quite in season) and homemade hummus and pita bread. With a glass of wine, of course. If I recall it was some wine I grabbed from Target on sale, and it wasn't very good. I think it was a blend- I did get a malbec though that I'm working on which is very delightful.
Okay I posted. Mission accomplished. In other news, I may have to change the layout and formatting a bit because I'm still using the old blog poster, which I think is why I'm having so much difficulty with getting the fonts and pictures to work right. I guess we'll see.
Monday, May 30, 2011
7. What are your religious beliefs? Have they changed, or have they always stayed the same?
Yeah let's see if posting this picture works this time.
Anyway religion- that isn't a touchy subject at all. Anyway I sort of hate religion because it purports to bring people together and unify them but really I feel like it causes just an awful lot of problems. Especially because you can't prove anything about religion. Like, inherently, that's what religion is- belief. Or, rather, with the mythologies attached to most dogmas, more like suspension of disbelief.
I was raised Roman Catholic, which anyone will tell you pretty much guarantees eventual atheism. It's not surprising- as they say in Dogma, we don't celebrate our religion, we mourn it. When I was in grade school we always livened masses up with fun songs and more kid-friendly sermons, but either way, it's an hour of your life that I always felt would be better spent reading- even if it was just the bible or something. After all, the bible has some pretty good stories. There's lots of fire and brimstone and general kickassery, if you read the right parts. The rest is mostly paragraphs tracing very long genealogies or a bunch of outdated rules and regulations that were, for various reasons, crucial at the time to enforce but which are mostly moot now. (There is evidence for this on both a scientfic and sociological level, I've read about it some)
Don't get me wrong, in general, religions fascinate me. Religion is basically a giant origin story- and everyone knows that's the best part of a superhero franchise. (Well, except The Dark Knight, but Batman doesn't adhere to society's silly rules.) The problem is those psycho people who take these stories for literal truth. I mean stand back a second. They're absurd.
I was once having this conversation with my friend who is Hindu, although I'm pretty sure her family doesn't really practice it. I'm sure her parents do (they are from India) but I know her and her sister just kind of stick with the "don't eat meat" thing and that's about it. But she was sort of making fun of Christianity, pointing out that we basically believe in a zombie god (which, btw, is another example of an awesome story. Zombies. Zombies!). Since I don't actually believe in that, I didn't take too much offence, but when I pointed out to her that she apparently believes in lots of gods with lots of limbs and that when we die we get put into an animal's body (or a different caste- whatever) and she seemed to take mild offence.
The point I'm trying to make is, I don't believe that you can can prove that there is a God/gods/Allah/Yahweh/Zeus/Buddah/Force/Flying Spaghetti monster. But, to be fair, you also can't prove that there's not. So I guess I feel like it's safest not to bank on anything. As a scientist, I know that the world and life is a pretty fantastic thing, and you don't need religion to understand that it is inherently divine. I guess the closest thing I have to a set of beliefs is math. I'm terrible at math, and so are a lot of people, but it has the power to unlock the mysteries of the universe and to divine answers from the chaos. And in the end, that's what religion really is, trying to fix the entropy of the universe, to give order to madness, and to resolve the chaos that lies threatening every part of our world.
The picture, by the way, is of Arcade Fire when I saw them in concert on Easter. Really I can't think of a better religious experience.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Bonus: Motherfucking Jellyfish
This is what jellyfish look like with a fuchsia background ^
This is what a different kind of jellyfish look like with a blue background^ Bonus: the flower-shaped things are their gametes!And that was your education for the day. I was really determined to post these pictures. I'm still not positive what went wrong.
6. If you could change one thing ...
Full prompt: "6. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and what would you do if later on you changed your mind?"
I don't particularly like this prompt because it sounds an awful lot like the one I did just before it, about my bad habits. I understand that the site I got the prompts from is supposed to be a journal writing thing, so I suppose they're trying to make me be very introspective, but I don't think that's what people care to read about on an internet blog. Not that anyone is really reading this, but still. Should it somehow become massively popular, or should, god forbid, channers or some other cesspool of the internet get ahold of it, I don't want to give anyone too much fodder on my self-deprecation.
So I guess the obvious thing I'd change about myself is I'd make myself pretty. All the other things that are wrong with me are personality-based things. While I don't necessarily find myself a worthy human being, my personality, for all its flaws, is what makes me unique, so I'd be afraid to tinker it too much. Plus I'm sure if I cured any of my particular neuroses, different ones would pop up or something.
Anyway so yeah I guess I'd just make myself pretty. I have gotten a high volume of comparisons to Zooey Deschanel recently, however I feel that is unfair to Zooey. Although, should someone offer me a Joseph Gordon-Levitt a la 500 Days of Summer, I would solemnly swear to treat him a lot nicer than she did because he is just too adorable. And hell, he was fucking sexy in Inception. Oh, but stop getting distracted. (I'm listening to a playlist I created called "Music I Should Be Ashamed Of" and I just had Katy Perry's Hot N' Cold and I couldn't...stop...dancing...) Okay yeah so make myself attractive, particularly to the opposite sex, which I'm pretty sure doesn't view me as attractive at all. At least I'm not hideously deformed or anything, I'm just, you know, a 4 on the 1 to 10. Not so ugly people recoil at me, but not even average enough to snag someone mildly functional. I guess my wish would be to be at least a 7. I have no desire to be a 10, I don't need to be a model. I would just like someone besides the creepy old men on the L to leer at me once in a while.
I guess if I (for whatever reason) decided to undo my wish, I would do it in a very dramatic way. Maybe I'd save someone from a burning building and get horrible scars. Then I'd be ugly, but there'd be a good story and it would give me character.
Nelly's "Pimp Juice" is on now. So clutch.
Now I'm going to talk about the aquarium because it was awesome. We were there from about 1:30-6, and it was amazing 100% of the time. I love fish, and Shedd is huge. Although, we had an unfortunate run-in with this awful weather. Clair, Leo and I (Oxford comma?) met at Roosevelt and were waiting for the 130. It had ABSOLUTELY pour on my six minute walk to my stop. I had to take off my coat on the train because it was so absurdly wet. My legs weren't fairing too well, either, though the rest of my upper body had more or less survived. However, the rain had totally abated by the time we were at the bus stop. ("Standing in the Rain"-perfect for this story) We got on the bus, were riding over LSD, and... RAIN. EVERYWHERE.
This also happened about seven years ago when I came to Chicago with my mom and we went to Adler. It downpoured only while we were trying to get from the bus to the planetarium that time. This time I felt like there was more irony associated with travelling to an aquarium in a torrential downpour, but it was still unappreciated. We got off the bus and the water was coming down in buckets. I think it could easily have qualified as a category 3 hurricane, though I guess it lacked the "wind" part.
So Clair and Leo and I did sort of a half-run towards the building- which, unfortunately, the bus drops you off on the side of. And we ran around the wrong side at first, heading toward some tent set up for a non-existent event. Leo yelled at us about it being the wrong way (No shit, Leo) and we realised we now had to run back down this ramp and then circumnavigate a quarter of the building. Did I mention Shedd is huge? So of course halfway around the rain came down harder. As if that was somehow even possible. My umbrella was already broken from the rain on Thursday (fortunately it was 65F instead of 35F today) and the wind that hadn't existed before suddenly upped the hurricane level to category 5. I almost died running up the steps, which had water coming down them so fast they looked like fountains. I could barely see up the stairs. by the time we got inside, I looked as though I had jumped into a river with all my clothes on. I was soaked all the way to my underwear (which, btw, was still damp when we left nearly five hours later).
At least Clair had a membership so they ushered us in. All the saps coming just for the day had to wait OUTSIDE in this ridiculous line. Which was funny, because they weren't letting people out of the building for a while because of the wind/rain- apparently, if you've already paid, you're worth saving, but everyone else can be whipped out to Lake Michigan for all they care.
In the end, what I'm trying to say is, anyone who came to Chicago for a nice Memorial Day vacation got Punk'd.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
5. List your bad habits and/or addictions and what you have tried to rid yourself of them.
You'd think this would be a difficult topic for a lot of people to brooch, but the fact is, I sort of hate myself all the time, so I don't really have trouble coming up with things that need to be changed about me.
Which leads us to point one. I have low self esteem. Like, really low. But it's weird, because objectively I don't really think I'm that terrible. Granted, appearance-wise, I'm like a four on a good day, and I am not particularly nice, but I'm at least loyal to my friends, and somewhat helpful (to my friends again- fuck volunteering and shit) and fairly entertaining and decently smart for a girl. But everything I do doesn't feel good enough. I have pretty much no self-worth and my general outlook is that I am completely replaceable in every regard, to all people. So that leads me to feel like nothing I do matters and everything is sort of this downhill spiral of self-loathing after that. The one bright spot of this is that I've felt this way pretty much my whole life, so at this point I'm inured to the feeling of worthlessness. Okay, well, maybe that's not really considered a "good" thing, but it maintains the status quo and I'm fine with that.
My one "habit" that I need to stop is biting my cuticles. Actually, before I was about 16 I just straight up bit my nails. But for Junior dance I got acrylics (the one and only time) and with those on I couldn't bite my nails any more and so somehow I just stopped. However, the habit was quickly replaced with biting my cuticles. This is both better, because now I have long nails to paint, which slightly detracts from my oddly large hands (I swear to god I'm not a man), and worse, because sometimes I bite them so badly they bleed. I would pretty much have to wear gloves to stop this, or just never be bored again, because it's definitely a bored habit. However, I don't see either of those happening. We all have vices I suppose.
I guess the other habit that's really terrible is the procrastination, which ties in partly with the permanent apathy mentioned above. The procrastination keeps it from devolving into a total sense of ennui (I can't even pronounce that word correctly as I took Spanish, not French, so it wouldn't serve me well to be consumed by it as such) because I constantly have to distract myself to procrastinate- usually with movies/television shows or books. But we're talking like... reading an ENTIRE book or watching a whole series run on Netflix here. While it's interesting and I suppose increases my cultural IQ, it's not particularly great for, say, my school IQ. To improve this, I would have to not be able to successfully do stuff at the last minute and still make decent marks. (Un)fortuantely for the case of the procrastination, I can pull that sort of thing off, so... not gonna happen.
I think Elaine would like me to stop nagging her about working on her med school application, but that isn't going to happen, either.
As far as addictions go, I suppose there's Nutella. Or food in general. I eat too much. It's why I'm fat. Thankfully I have no issues making myself work out, so it keeps me from becoming morbidly obese rather than just overweight. To break this habit, 1) food would have to stop being delicious and 2) I would have to get some goddamn will power. But that goes back to the procrastination/effort thing, which goes back to the apathy, which is really the source of all my issues apparently.
Finally, I suppose we need to look at the source of my apathy. I don't like failing. I don't like letting myself or others down, and I don't like being vulnerable. So I try not to extend effort to things that I might possibly fail at. I don't like being shut down- it's why I never flirt with guys, I just assume I'll be rejected so why bother. So the apathy is a defence mechanism because it keeps me from caring about things that might end up breaking my heart or whatever. The problem is, it all probably started as a defence mechanism where deep down I really did care about stuff, but sometimes I'm starting to think that it is really true a lot of the time now. I mean, I'm fairly easy-going to begin with and don't tend to have strong opinions on stuff, but I think I genuinely don't care about myself and thus my life at all. Not in an emo way, just in a "meh, whatever" way.
This post ended up being more depressing than I intended. Here are some pancakes.
Which leads us to point one. I have low self esteem. Like, really low. But it's weird, because objectively I don't really think I'm that terrible. Granted, appearance-wise, I'm like a four on a good day, and I am not particularly nice, but I'm at least loyal to my friends, and somewhat helpful (to my friends again- fuck volunteering and shit) and fairly entertaining and decently smart for a girl. But everything I do doesn't feel good enough. I have pretty much no self-worth and my general outlook is that I am completely replaceable in every regard, to all people. So that leads me to feel like nothing I do matters and everything is sort of this downhill spiral of self-loathing after that. The one bright spot of this is that I've felt this way pretty much my whole life, so at this point I'm inured to the feeling of worthlessness. Okay, well, maybe that's not really considered a "good" thing, but it maintains the status quo and I'm fine with that.
My one "habit" that I need to stop is biting my cuticles. Actually, before I was about 16 I just straight up bit my nails. But for Junior dance I got acrylics (the one and only time) and with those on I couldn't bite my nails any more and so somehow I just stopped. However, the habit was quickly replaced with biting my cuticles. This is both better, because now I have long nails to paint, which slightly detracts from my oddly large hands (I swear to god I'm not a man), and worse, because sometimes I bite them so badly they bleed. I would pretty much have to wear gloves to stop this, or just never be bored again, because it's definitely a bored habit. However, I don't see either of those happening. We all have vices I suppose.
I guess the other habit that's really terrible is the procrastination, which ties in partly with the permanent apathy mentioned above. The procrastination keeps it from devolving into a total sense of ennui (I can't even pronounce that word correctly as I took Spanish, not French, so it wouldn't serve me well to be consumed by it as such) because I constantly have to distract myself to procrastinate- usually with movies/television shows or books. But we're talking like... reading an ENTIRE book or watching a whole series run on Netflix here. While it's interesting and I suppose increases my cultural IQ, it's not particularly great for, say, my school IQ. To improve this, I would have to not be able to successfully do stuff at the last minute and still make decent marks. (Un)fortuantely for the case of the procrastination, I can pull that sort of thing off, so... not gonna happen.
I think Elaine would like me to stop nagging her about working on her med school application, but that isn't going to happen, either.
As far as addictions go, I suppose there's Nutella. Or food in general. I eat too much. It's why I'm fat. Thankfully I have no issues making myself work out, so it keeps me from becoming morbidly obese rather than just overweight. To break this habit, 1) food would have to stop being delicious and 2) I would have to get some goddamn will power. But that goes back to the procrastination/effort thing, which goes back to the apathy, which is really the source of all my issues apparently.
Finally, I suppose we need to look at the source of my apathy. I don't like failing. I don't like letting myself or others down, and I don't like being vulnerable. So I try not to extend effort to things that I might possibly fail at. I don't like being shut down- it's why I never flirt with guys, I just assume I'll be rejected so why bother. So the apathy is a defence mechanism because it keeps me from caring about things that might end up breaking my heart or whatever. The problem is, it all probably started as a defence mechanism where deep down I really did care about stuff, but sometimes I'm starting to think that it is really true a lot of the time now. I mean, I'm fairly easy-going to begin with and don't tend to have strong opinions on stuff, but I think I genuinely don't care about myself and thus my life at all. Not in an emo way, just in a "meh, whatever" way.
This post ended up being more depressing than I intended. Here are some pancakes.
Monday, May 23, 2011
4. What music album would be used for a movie about your life?
I know I haven’t updated with these prompts recently, and that’s been for several reasons. One, because I had people here this weekend and was terribly busy preparing for them and getting as much work done as possible before they came- which translates to watching all my shows’ finales and going to yoga. Also I’ve been putting off this next prompt because it required much thought and I knew I’d ramble about it. “What music album would be used for a movie about your life?” Don’t ask me questions about music. There’s just too much.
First of all, if I just had to choose one album that already exists to define my life, I can’t even begin to guess what to use. I feel like no one band has a single album that captures the complete essence of my life. Or anyone’s really- life is a weird, jumbled thing, and if a band is any good, their albums should be holistic enough that they can’t really express that hodgepodge of human experience that we call life.
So instead I suppose I’d have to create an album with a collection of songs that sort of represents each chunk of my life. I haven’t lived that long (even though I feel really old sometimes) and obviously I have more musical attachments to more recent parts of my life, and also of course there are certain songs that represent one very specific thing. Now, keep in mind, my life never has been and probably never will be terribly exciting- no whirlwind romances, jet-setting action/adventure, or heart-rending drama. It’s like the lives of the other 99.9% of the human race- pretty average, good enough for me but not that fascinating to other people. I don’t have very good stories or mini-plots within my life, but fortunately I am a good enough storyteller that I’ve fooled people into thinking I’m interesting. But what I’m getting at here is that no one would bother making a movie about my life, so this soundtrack is moot, but I’ll do my best to come up with some stuff.
Birth/infancy: I really can’t come up with anything good for this. Obviously I don’t have memories from back then, and I don’t like corny pop/country songs that might potentially be about children. (Is that what pop music is about?) I guess just to be really visceral about it I’ll go with “Wet From Birth” by The Faint. It’s the only song about birth I can come up with.
Childhood through pre-puberty: again, didn’t listen to a lot of music at this stage in my life. I suppose just insert some generic Gloria Estefan song in here because that’s what I listened to as a child- because my parents have awful taste in music. I’m sorry. Also maybe a Spice Girls song from when I was about 9 or 10.
Prepuberty: “It’s All Been Done” by Barenaked Ladies. To this day I have distinct memories of this song and being in 6th grade, which was awful for me because I had no friends. The one girl in my class who was nice to me (because she was awesome and didn’t judge people for being uncool) introduced me to BNL and I think it was the first band that wasn’t distinctly pop (although it was pop, but alternative pop at least) and which I formed visual memories along with the music.
Puberty/ early teenagerhood: This is actually sort of tough. I can’t think of anything to definitive for this period. I listened to all that poser punk crap that was so popular at the time, Avril Lavein (or however it’s spelled) and Good Charlotte, but also stuff from the radio like *Nsync and Linkin Park and such. I guess just something generic that represents the early 2000s.
Age 16: Now we’re getting to the point where I gave up on the radio and MTV and started listening to music for myself. I won’t pretend any of it was good necessarily, but at least I was in control of it. So there’s two songs for this. 1) Swing, Swing by All American Rejects because I remember singing it at Safety Town to each other and that was the first CD I ever spent my time in my car driving around listening to and 2) Story of the Year Anthem of Our Dying Day. YES I KNOW THEY’RE TERRIBLE. But I just remember singing out of my car in the pouring summer rain and thunder, belting at the top of my lungs. That’s a pleasant memory.
Age 17: Photobooth- Death Cab. This song reminds me of me in a way I can’t explain. There is more than one blog post about this, so I won’t go on.
Age 18: Swing Life Away- Rise Against. A perfect graduation song and I feel like it really captured that summer before my college career started.
Age 19: Something by the Shins. I don’t care what, I guess Red Rabbits maybe, or Phantom Limb. Those are the two that make me think of that year the most.
Age 20: Holland, 1945 by Neutral Milk Hotel. I had had this CD for a long time and never really listened to it until then and that song was just like… BAM. Not that the words or anything have anything to do with my life (I’ve never even read the diary of Anne Frank) but just… the song works for me I guess.
Age 21: Probably two things. Hot N’ Cold by Katy Perry, which I am completely aware is awful, but it reminds me so fondly of being 21 finally and going to the bars, and of course on the night of my birthday they played it twice in a row and it was perfect. And on a less stupid note, possibly Family Tree. For various reasons that song works very well for that year.
Age 22: To think that was just last year. There’s a lot of stuff that could work, but I have to go with The Suburbs (the song specifically) by Arcade Fire. With all the travelling I did and the major change of moving to the big city, I feel like it’s a perfect song to express how I felt about what I left behind.
Age 23: okay well I’m not even halfway through this, and since it’s so recent and there are so many things in my mind, there are a lot of options. I have a lot of different songs that make me think of a lot of different things very specific to the present moment in my life. But I’m going to go with Mondegreen by Yeasayer because right now, at this moment 1) it’s stuck in my head 2) the weather is gorgeous so I’m in a bright mood, and this is a bright song and 3) Yeasayer is on Conan tonight!
Okay that’s what I got. If I actually wrote a movie where I attempted to be interesting, I’m sure this list would change. It’s just a general vibe from what I’m coming up with right now.
Monday, May 16, 2011
3. Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it.
Okay number three. Okay I really shouldn't be posting because oh, wait, I have a PILE of stuff due tomorrow, but I'm doing a lunch gathering thing (hey, free food) and so I've got to finish at least most of it tonight and instead I've managed to make two of the excel graphs and take a break for Party Down. Related: I'm in love with Adam Scott. Don't worry about it. His Ben (Parks and Rec) persona is a bit more endearing than his Henry (Party Down) character, but regardless, his just general self is so precious. I want one, if only to carry around with me, like in my pocket. Tangentially related: I also want a Rory (Doctor Who).
But we're not here to talk about useful objects. We're here to talk about useless ones. Really, I have piles of useless objects. Thanks to only just recently moving here, I've more or less culled them from my belongings, but that doesn't mean they aren't still rotting over in Cleveland. But to be fair, that's a place where things ought to rot.
Anyway for whatever reason, the first thing that came to mind for this prompt is my Hawaiian dude. It's not that interesting of a story, but it's pretty utterly useless. It's this fat Hawaiian man holding a ukulele and looking completely joyous about it. He has a real grass skirt (okay well a real plastic grass skirt) under which he wears bikini shorts with Hawaiian flowers on it. Also it's hooked up with a spring in his waste, so he bobbles.
There is no point to him at all, but he's pretty funny.
I keep him on my shelf of "exotic" objects, which is mostly stuff people have brought me (or I have brought myself) from foreign countries. I have postcards from Barcelona and Dublin and Paris. I have a picture from Barcelona when I went and a wine glass from this boat I was on on the Rhine (it came with a litre-sized bottle of Riesling- only 3 euro!) and a shot glass from Ireland (probably a duty-free shop in Heathrow to be realistic, but okay) and a shotglass from the Philippines and also this little man in a barrel (also from the Philippines) that when you pull him out of his barrel has a boner pop out at you! So mature. Anyway so I figured Hawaii was exotic enough to count.
My roommate from my sophomore year, Joanna, bought that for me. She blew off syllabus week of Spring quarter that year with her sister to go to Hawaii for a week. Oh, to be a business major...
Anyway so that's the whole story. It's not that exciting, but to be fair, I didn't have a lot of time to write. Party Down is almost over and I really need to get back to work. So. There you go.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
2. What 5 websites do you visit often, and why?
Okay, day two of my own personal little writing challenge that no one, save possibly Elizabeth, will ever even know about! Prompt: "What 5 websites do you visit often, and why?"
First of all, I have to preface this by explaining that not too terribly long ago I finally got around to setting up Google Reader, which is an RSS feed, so pretty much any time there's a post on a site that I check in on, I read it there. So strictly speaking, I don't actually visit that many of the sites, especially in the case of the webcomics. But I'm just going to ignore that. Also, I'm not going to bother counting facebook or twitter or hulu or netflix because, well, that's four right there and that's no fun. And everyone knows I'm a facebook junkie so it doesn't matter.
1. Cracked.com. Obviously. Just like, all the time. All of their articles are either incredibly hilarious or extremely interesting or, more often than not, both. We all know I am basically in love with DOB, even though I'm 99% sure that I'm several inches taller than him (or at least the same height) and really just all of the columnists are fantastic. Plus I feel like I learned more interesting things off Cracked than I did during four years of undergrad- take that as you will. I look forward to when it updates in the morning, and really find it the most proactive way to procrastinate (does that even mean anything?) in the mornings.
2. Memebase.com. Yeah, it's related to those icanhascheezburger sites. I'm properly ashamed, don't worry. But I am, above all else, an internet junkie, and this site culls from the cesspool of the internet (i.e. 4chan) to bring you the best of internet lulz, but without all the pictures of dicks. I don't know why I find macros of things so hilarious, but I do, so suck it. I don't care if I'm a nerd. At this point it's more or less working for me.
3. Weather.com. Okay, I could have left this off the list probably BUT I'm really angry with weather.com and the weather in general right now, so I'm using this as an opportunity to bitch about it.
A few weeks ago I got a LivingSocial deal for Bikram Yoga, which is also known as hot yoga. I started it yesterday, but when I was picking days, I thought to myself, "Man, I'm gonna be in a 105-110 degree F room for 90 minutes, and then I'm just going to walk right outside into weather that is only 15-20 degrees cooler." I was upset about this, given that I pretty much can't handle weather above 60 degrees. However, when I got out of yoga this morning (don't even ask me how I made it there at 8am- I was out until 2am, though I blame the Clark bus for being delayed) I'm pretty sure all of my newly stretched and limber muscles promptly atrophied in the cold. According to lovely weather.com, it is currently 44 degrees. On May 15th. And not only is it 44, which I could probably accept in and of itself, but furthermore it is windy (20 to 25 mph) and raining. Seriously, midwest? What. The. Fuck.
4. usatoday.com. This one kind of surprises me, but I guess it makes sense given how much time I waste in my stem cells and neurobiology class on the site, playing sudoku and doing the crosswords. I'm getting alarmingly good at the crosswords- the trick is you have to be able to think like the people who write the absurd clues, which are usually incredibly lame puns or some esoteric hint or outdated reference. One time there was a clue, "Covers the outside of Wrigley" or something along those lines. The answer was "ivy." I run past Wrigley Field 2-3 times a week (hopefully more in the summer and after this yoga thing) and I'm almost positive I've never noticed ivy growing on it. Maybe there's some on the inside or what have you, but... yeah. What I'm trying to say is, it's really sad that I can think like these people.
Then again, I also have a dirty mind (as does Elaine, who also solves these puzzles at her work sometimes) because once the hint was, "It bubbles from the mouth," and the way I had filled the puzzle out already I had "_ U _." My mind didn't go in a comfortable direction with that one.
5. sidereel.com. I'm not sure if I should even post about this one because I'm pretty sure it's borderline illegal- they post links to episodes of things. For new shows it'll take you to hulu or whatnot, but some times I have no other ways to watch the shows I truly love besides these slightly underhanded internet means- namely, Doctor Who. I don't even have cable, and even if I did, I wouldn't upgrade to a more expensive package just to get BBC America. (Well, I say that, but who knows, I might...) Furthermore, while I pay for Netflix, they only just uploaded season five (the first Matt Smith season- so last season) and they won't have season six (current) up until season seven (presumably) starts. So basically, if I want to remain current on the show, I'm fucked. Yeah, I know it's wrong to steal or whatever, but I'm poor and I don't care because otherwise my life would be lacking such fantasticalness as last night's episode, written by the one and only Neil Gaiman and just utterly fantastic all around.
So what I'm saying is, I'm a bad person but I don't care.
Also, somewhat related is that they put up ads for the new season on the trains downtown a few weeks before it started. The ones on the Red Line are down now, but the one at the Chicago Brown Line is still up. So my current project is trying to figure out what in the hell they do with the ad posters when they're done with them, and how to get my hands on them.
First of all, I have to preface this by explaining that not too terribly long ago I finally got around to setting up Google Reader, which is an RSS feed, so pretty much any time there's a post on a site that I check in on, I read it there. So strictly speaking, I don't actually visit that many of the sites, especially in the case of the webcomics. But I'm just going to ignore that. Also, I'm not going to bother counting facebook or twitter or hulu or netflix because, well, that's four right there and that's no fun. And everyone knows I'm a facebook junkie so it doesn't matter.
1. Cracked.com. Obviously. Just like, all the time. All of their articles are either incredibly hilarious or extremely interesting or, more often than not, both. We all know I am basically in love with DOB, even though I'm 99% sure that I'm several inches taller than him (or at least the same height) and really just all of the columnists are fantastic. Plus I feel like I learned more interesting things off Cracked than I did during four years of undergrad- take that as you will. I look forward to when it updates in the morning, and really find it the most proactive way to procrastinate (does that even mean anything?) in the mornings.
2. Memebase.com. Yeah, it's related to those icanhascheezburger sites. I'm properly ashamed, don't worry. But I am, above all else, an internet junkie, and this site culls from the cesspool of the internet (i.e. 4chan) to bring you the best of internet lulz, but without all the pictures of dicks. I don't know why I find macros of things so hilarious, but I do, so suck it. I don't care if I'm a nerd. At this point it's more or less working for me.
3. Weather.com. Okay, I could have left this off the list probably BUT I'm really angry with weather.com and the weather in general right now, so I'm using this as an opportunity to bitch about it.
A few weeks ago I got a LivingSocial deal for Bikram Yoga, which is also known as hot yoga. I started it yesterday, but when I was picking days, I thought to myself, "Man, I'm gonna be in a 105-110 degree F room for 90 minutes, and then I'm just going to walk right outside into weather that is only 15-20 degrees cooler." I was upset about this, given that I pretty much can't handle weather above 60 degrees. However, when I got out of yoga this morning (don't even ask me how I made it there at 8am- I was out until 2am, though I blame the Clark bus for being delayed) I'm pretty sure all of my newly stretched and limber muscles promptly atrophied in the cold. According to lovely weather.com, it is currently 44 degrees. On May 15th. And not only is it 44, which I could probably accept in and of itself, but furthermore it is windy (20 to 25 mph) and raining. Seriously, midwest? What. The. Fuck.
4. usatoday.com. This one kind of surprises me, but I guess it makes sense given how much time I waste in my stem cells and neurobiology class on the site, playing sudoku and doing the crosswords. I'm getting alarmingly good at the crosswords- the trick is you have to be able to think like the people who write the absurd clues, which are usually incredibly lame puns or some esoteric hint or outdated reference. One time there was a clue, "Covers the outside of Wrigley" or something along those lines. The answer was "ivy." I run past Wrigley Field 2-3 times a week (hopefully more in the summer and after this yoga thing) and I'm almost positive I've never noticed ivy growing on it. Maybe there's some on the inside or what have you, but... yeah. What I'm trying to say is, it's really sad that I can think like these people.
Then again, I also have a dirty mind (as does Elaine, who also solves these puzzles at her work sometimes) because once the hint was, "It bubbles from the mouth," and the way I had filled the puzzle out already I had "_ U _." My mind didn't go in a comfortable direction with that one.
5. sidereel.com. I'm not sure if I should even post about this one because I'm pretty sure it's borderline illegal- they post links to episodes of things. For new shows it'll take you to hulu or whatnot, but some times I have no other ways to watch the shows I truly love besides these slightly underhanded internet means- namely, Doctor Who. I don't even have cable, and even if I did, I wouldn't upgrade to a more expensive package just to get BBC America. (Well, I say that, but who knows, I might...) Furthermore, while I pay for Netflix, they only just uploaded season five (the first Matt Smith season- so last season) and they won't have season six (current) up until season seven (presumably) starts. So basically, if I want to remain current on the show, I'm fucked. Yeah, I know it's wrong to steal or whatever, but I'm poor and I don't care because otherwise my life would be lacking such fantasticalness as last night's episode, written by the one and only Neil Gaiman and just utterly fantastic all around.So what I'm saying is, I'm a bad person but I don't care.
Also, somewhat related is that they put up ads for the new season on the trains downtown a few weeks before it started. The ones on the Red Line are down now, but the one at the Chicago Brown Line is still up. So my current project is trying to figure out what in the hell they do with the ad posters when they're done with them, and how to get my hands on them.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
1. Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.
Everyone knows my penchant for lists and StumbleUpon, which came together recently (read: this morning) in a beautiful way when I found a link to here: http://www.tomslatin.com/80-journal-writing-prompts/ Since I can never really come up with anything on my own to write, this seemed ideal for me. Now, obviously, I am both lazy and busy, so there's no way I'm doing all of these each day, but I did really like some of the prompts and am looking forward to eventually writing them. But, I'm nothing if not meticulous, so I shall be going through them in order rather than choosing the ones I actually want to do.
So, number one: "Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced."
My gut instinct answer to this is, "Nothing." I feel like if there was anything that meant that much to me, it would come to mind very quickly, with a profound story attached to it. But this is not the case. I can think of some clothes or accessories, I suppose. Ah, that does bring to mind something.
When I was 15 or so (just before I could drive, but in high school still), the nearest Urban Outfitters was in Columbus. It seems absurd and foreign now to think that almost ten years ago there was no Crocker Park. I hate Crocker Park out of habit, mostly from those same high school days (and early college as well) when I couldn't go there without running into a bazillion people from my high school that I knew- and didn't particularly want to see. Now that I live in the city, it seems even more like a sham to me, this fake urban environment set up as an island in the suburbs. I really just detest the suburbs so much.
One weekend, we managed to talk Mrs. S into driving us there. Gas wasn't $4/gal, so this was less ridiculous of a prospect- a 125 mile trip for one store- than it seems now. We made it to OSU without much incident (funny also to think of how familiar that stretch of 14th and High is to me- why, I was just at that Starbucks last weekend) and got our shopping on (we were such hipsters in the making) and made it back to Cleveland with similar lack of incident. (although we were cutting it a bit close on gas between Polaris and Sunbury) My only major purchase was a pair of pants. Keep in mind, this was during my "punk" phase, where I use the term "punk" in the loosest possible sense. I wasn't listening to the Sex Pistols or The Clash, I was listening to Story of the Year and My Chemical Romance and Linkin Park. (All of which, I hate to admit, are still really great for running.) So the pants I bought were this green baggy deal, but made of this really light, almost linen-y material. They also could be rolled up into capris. (Oh god, just recounting this makes me realise how awful it was) Most impressively for pants, they fit me decently well and were incredibly comfortable. All these things helped me justify paying whatever exorbitantly high amount Urban extorted from me (as it always does.)
Well those pants, for whatever they lacked in style, were some of my favourite pants ever. Their baggyness helped detract from my obesity (which I compensate for these days by only wearing flared skirts) and added to my comfort; the roll-up style allowed me to (ahem) perfect my skateboarding skills (punk, remember?); their green-ness and general un-jean-ness identified me as the rebel I was. I loved those pants, and wore them at least once every weekend (recall: uniforms, no need to wear them on the weekdays!) even through the summer and fall.
For maybe two years or so I continued wearing these pants. Part of the way through my Junior year I had an emotional crisis (these weren't that uncommon to me in high school. Please see: pretty much anything in this blog dated prior to 2006) and felt fat in everything and stopped wearing them for whatever reason. They were relegated to the back of my closet (where many old high school things still rest- I love going to Cleveland and finding something that is still considerably "in" and being able to wear it again) and lost for however many months.
I broke them back out again, but they were old, and I was heavier than I had been (recall: employment at Malley's) and they soon ripped. It wasn't a tragic rip, though. The part of the pants that could roll up had split along the seam, probably just because they were worn so much. I was going to repair them myself, but Susan insisted that she would, so I handed them off to her.
Now it's important to point out: as far as I know, Susan had no fundamental problems with the pants. They might not have been terribly stylish, but they were comfortable, not slutty in the least, and had cost enough money that I definitely deserved to get my wear out of them. She never once said anything derogatory to me about these pants in any way (and Susan would generally speak up if she had any major issues with clothing) so I have no reason to believe she did anything to them on purpose.
However, it still stands that the pants were lost. It took me quite some time to discover this- I had been easing out of my "punk" phase for quite some time by now- but they were gone. I don't remember exactly when I figured it out, but I know that I really wanted to wear them for some reason, and suddenly they had disappeared from the house.
At first I was rather distraught about this. The weird thing about clothes is that I get rather attached to them- link them with times and memories in my life, so they have this special meaning to me. It's why so many clothes never make it out of my closet and into donation piles- whenever I go to throw them out, I'm suddenly reminded of a time when I wore them that was meaningful to me. Of course, whenever stuff is lost or donated, I don't ever go back and think about it or miss it. Maybe that's why the people on What Not to Wear have such an emotional breakdown when Stacy and Clinton throw their old clothes in the garbage, but seem to more or less get over it by the end of the show.
So those pants, awful as they were, bring back lots of memories. I wore them when I felt like being either "punk" or adventurous. So here are some of the things that, upon reflection, they make me recall: laser tagging, adventures at the Alps (not the real ones last summer, obviously), skateboarding in Avon Lake, playing frisbee in the metroparks. Okay, that's not a huge (nor, probably, comprehensive) list, but those are all very positive memories with some really fantastic people. The pants don't matter, it's what they represent that matter. But I have those memories in lots of other ways, and now that the pants are gone and have been gone for a while, their disappearance doesn't really matter that much to me.
Sorry this started to sound like those awful Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants books. I'm not really sad any more that they're gone, and I realised even at the time that I wore them whenever I was trying to be a certain version of myself. I still sometimes have clothes like that, or really outfits as a whole. I think those pants gave me a "teen runaway" vibe that I really liked for myself, and which I still sometimes evoke. The pants are just a symbol, a stand-in, for whatever I was really trying to be- and that version of myself is now outdated and unnecessary. It doesn't mean, however, that I don't still have some clothes that help me emit a certain vibe or capture a certain feeling. To this day, and probably forever, there will always be certain articles of clothing that have meaning not because of where exactly they've been, but because of what they represent.
So, number one: "Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced."
My gut instinct answer to this is, "Nothing." I feel like if there was anything that meant that much to me, it would come to mind very quickly, with a profound story attached to it. But this is not the case. I can think of some clothes or accessories, I suppose. Ah, that does bring to mind something.
When I was 15 or so (just before I could drive, but in high school still), the nearest Urban Outfitters was in Columbus. It seems absurd and foreign now to think that almost ten years ago there was no Crocker Park. I hate Crocker Park out of habit, mostly from those same high school days (and early college as well) when I couldn't go there without running into a bazillion people from my high school that I knew- and didn't particularly want to see. Now that I live in the city, it seems even more like a sham to me, this fake urban environment set up as an island in the suburbs. I really just detest the suburbs so much.
One weekend, we managed to talk Mrs. S into driving us there. Gas wasn't $4/gal, so this was less ridiculous of a prospect- a 125 mile trip for one store- than it seems now. We made it to OSU without much incident (funny also to think of how familiar that stretch of 14th and High is to me- why, I was just at that Starbucks last weekend) and got our shopping on (we were such hipsters in the making) and made it back to Cleveland with similar lack of incident. (although we were cutting it a bit close on gas between Polaris and Sunbury) My only major purchase was a pair of pants. Keep in mind, this was during my "punk" phase, where I use the term "punk" in the loosest possible sense. I wasn't listening to the Sex Pistols or The Clash, I was listening to Story of the Year and My Chemical Romance and Linkin Park. (All of which, I hate to admit, are still really great for running.) So the pants I bought were this green baggy deal, but made of this really light, almost linen-y material. They also could be rolled up into capris. (Oh god, just recounting this makes me realise how awful it was) Most impressively for pants, they fit me decently well and were incredibly comfortable. All these things helped me justify paying whatever exorbitantly high amount Urban extorted from me (as it always does.)
Well those pants, for whatever they lacked in style, were some of my favourite pants ever. Their baggyness helped detract from my obesity (which I compensate for these days by only wearing flared skirts) and added to my comfort; the roll-up style allowed me to (ahem) perfect my skateboarding skills (punk, remember?); their green-ness and general un-jean-ness identified me as the rebel I was. I loved those pants, and wore them at least once every weekend (recall: uniforms, no need to wear them on the weekdays!) even through the summer and fall.
For maybe two years or so I continued wearing these pants. Part of the way through my Junior year I had an emotional crisis (these weren't that uncommon to me in high school. Please see: pretty much anything in this blog dated prior to 2006) and felt fat in everything and stopped wearing them for whatever reason. They were relegated to the back of my closet (where many old high school things still rest- I love going to Cleveland and finding something that is still considerably "in" and being able to wear it again) and lost for however many months.
I broke them back out again, but they were old, and I was heavier than I had been (recall: employment at Malley's) and they soon ripped. It wasn't a tragic rip, though. The part of the pants that could roll up had split along the seam, probably just because they were worn so much. I was going to repair them myself, but Susan insisted that she would, so I handed them off to her.
Now it's important to point out: as far as I know, Susan had no fundamental problems with the pants. They might not have been terribly stylish, but they were comfortable, not slutty in the least, and had cost enough money that I definitely deserved to get my wear out of them. She never once said anything derogatory to me about these pants in any way (and Susan would generally speak up if she had any major issues with clothing) so I have no reason to believe she did anything to them on purpose.
However, it still stands that the pants were lost. It took me quite some time to discover this- I had been easing out of my "punk" phase for quite some time by now- but they were gone. I don't remember exactly when I figured it out, but I know that I really wanted to wear them for some reason, and suddenly they had disappeared from the house.
At first I was rather distraught about this. The weird thing about clothes is that I get rather attached to them- link them with times and memories in my life, so they have this special meaning to me. It's why so many clothes never make it out of my closet and into donation piles- whenever I go to throw them out, I'm suddenly reminded of a time when I wore them that was meaningful to me. Of course, whenever stuff is lost or donated, I don't ever go back and think about it or miss it. Maybe that's why the people on What Not to Wear have such an emotional breakdown when Stacy and Clinton throw their old clothes in the garbage, but seem to more or less get over it by the end of the show.
So those pants, awful as they were, bring back lots of memories. I wore them when I felt like being either "punk" or adventurous. So here are some of the things that, upon reflection, they make me recall: laser tagging, adventures at the Alps (not the real ones last summer, obviously), skateboarding in Avon Lake, playing frisbee in the metroparks. Okay, that's not a huge (nor, probably, comprehensive) list, but those are all very positive memories with some really fantastic people. The pants don't matter, it's what they represent that matter. But I have those memories in lots of other ways, and now that the pants are gone and have been gone for a while, their disappearance doesn't really matter that much to me.
Sorry this started to sound like those awful Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants books. I'm not really sad any more that they're gone, and I realised even at the time that I wore them whenever I was trying to be a certain version of myself. I still sometimes have clothes like that, or really outfits as a whole. I think those pants gave me a "teen runaway" vibe that I really liked for myself, and which I still sometimes evoke. The pants are just a symbol, a stand-in, for whatever I was really trying to be- and that version of myself is now outdated and unnecessary. It doesn't mean, however, that I don't still have some clothes that help me emit a certain vibe or capture a certain feeling. To this day, and probably forever, there will always be certain articles of clothing that have meaning not because of where exactly they've been, but because of what they represent.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Gannondorf: We Meet Again
So, as one might gather from the title, I've spent the last week and a half playing Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Specifically the master quest, the version I got for GC when I pre-ordered Windwaker, oh, what, eight years ago? I feel kind of gross when I think about how long ago it was that I first played this game on N64. I got it when I was in around 5th grade, which makes it at least twelve years ago. At least. That's over a decade. Gross. But while I remember what do to between the dungeons more or less, the actual dungeons aren't the same as they were in the player's guide (which I'd practically memorised- I was very obsessed with this game circa 1999) and so I have to be all clever and such to get through them. Some of the things you have to go through- Twilight Princess was so easy in comparison. I never at any point had to look up what to do. OoT I'd've been pretty lost without a guide, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have made it five minutes into Majora's Mask without it.
It's Elaine's turn now (I finished the Spirit Temple and called it a day) and I've been watching her do hopelessly bad at beating Phantom Ganon. It makes me very frustrated. I think I irritate her, because I'm like, "Uhg..." every time she gets hit. And she's not very good at the energy beam baseball game, which won't be idea when she's defeating actual Boss Ganon.
Oh. God. I'm nerding the fuck out here.
Really I'm just posting because I'm bored and procrastinating on working out. I could, you know, read, or do homework, but instead I'm watching Doctor Who (I don't think I'm going to be re-caught up before the premere Saturday) and posting here. I think I'm jealous of Trish- she's using her blog to become an awesome, famous writer. I use mine to whine or ramble about my day. Then again, she actually wants to be a writer. I wish I had the ability to do something glamourous and fun and creative like that. But instead I do science. Which, of course, I actually love, but it certainly lacks pizzazz. Scientists tend to only be famous among other scientists. Really, I'm okay with that. Maybe I'll be lucky and be in Science or Nature some day. That's almost like being a New York Times bestseller.
Well okay I guess I'll stop musing on the internet. I'm watching the episode where Donna and the Doctor go to Pompei. I've been there! It was not as exciting in 2010 as it appeared to be in 79. So it goes.
It's Elaine's turn now (I finished the Spirit Temple and called it a day) and I've been watching her do hopelessly bad at beating Phantom Ganon. It makes me very frustrated. I think I irritate her, because I'm like, "Uhg..." every time she gets hit. And she's not very good at the energy beam baseball game, which won't be idea when she's defeating actual Boss Ganon.
Oh. God. I'm nerding the fuck out here.
Really I'm just posting because I'm bored and procrastinating on working out. I could, you know, read, or do homework, but instead I'm watching Doctor Who (I don't think I'm going to be re-caught up before the premere Saturday) and posting here. I think I'm jealous of Trish- she's using her blog to become an awesome, famous writer. I use mine to whine or ramble about my day. Then again, she actually wants to be a writer. I wish I had the ability to do something glamourous and fun and creative like that. But instead I do science. Which, of course, I actually love, but it certainly lacks pizzazz. Scientists tend to only be famous among other scientists. Really, I'm okay with that. Maybe I'll be lucky and be in Science or Nature some day. That's almost like being a New York Times bestseller.
Well okay I guess I'll stop musing on the internet. I'm watching the episode where Donna and the Doctor go to Pompei. I've been there! It was not as exciting in 2010 as it appeared to be in 79. So it goes.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I Finally Have a Television, So I'm Posting About Books
About an hour ago, Nick came over to drop off the smaller television that Brittany promised me. I guess I've been spoiled all my life with my parents' castoffs, because "small" television to me is the one in my room, which I think is in the 27" range. This one is probably smaller than my computer screen. The MacBook is wider, for sure. It doesn't really matter, since the only place we have to put it for right now is the coffee table, so we're all up close and personal with it anyway, and furthermore, I cannot for the life of me, despite the fact I've ransacked my room, find my spare extention cord. So for the meantime, it's good ol' fashioned internet for entertainment still. No MarioKart, sadface.
Anyway, for about the twelfth time in my life, I've come across (via StumbleUpon) the list of 100 books the BBC thinks you've only read six of. For the twelfth time again, I've been convinced that the BBC underestimates us and the school system, because I've read over six of them for school alone. But in my motivation, I am going to copypasta my present list status, along with some blerbs about the ones I have experienced.
Anyway, for about the twelfth time in my life, I've come across (via StumbleUpon) the list of 100 books the BBC thinks you've only read six of. For the twelfth time again, I've been convinced that the BBC underestimates us and the school system, because I've read over six of them for school alone. But in my motivation, I am going to copypasta my present list status, along with some blerbs about the ones I have experienced.
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Of course this is at the top of the Brits' list. Good choice, though. Jane Austen is one of the few chick-lit writers I can tolerate, and I don't know if it's the fancy language or the society-status conscious undertones, but regardless, I approve.2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
Of course I read these. Back when the movies came out. I sort of fit reading all of them right in between all of the films. Plus I'm a huge nerd, so obviously I'm going to read this.
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Honestly, I couldn't ever get into the Brönte sisters. Apparently the third one, whoever she is, was the one who wrote the book with the least dislikable love interest- not that that's saying much.4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
I'm pretty sure there are several other posts in here dedicated to my love of these, so we'll just leave it at that.
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
You know, I didn't like this book when we first read it in eighth grade, but when we went through it again only a year later in high school, I liked it a lot better. I don't know if I matured greatly as a person in that year (doubtful, as I'm really mad I can't play MarioKart right now) or if we went through it with a better teacher (also doubtful, as my freshman year teacher was a sub for the first semester, and an idiot to boot) or if it's just better the second time.
6 The Bible
Arguably, I've read a decent chunk of this.7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
Yeah this goes back to the Brönte sisters issue I have.
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
Only pretty much my favourite book ever. I re-read it all the time.
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
I read this in high school. It was enjoyable enough. I don't remember it much.10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
I read this in grade school for some reason, probably because I'm insane. I like the story it told, but actually reading it was a pain in the ass.11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
I read this just because we have a really old copy that belonged to my Grandmother. It was a long time ago, but novels about women being womenly isn't really my thing.
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
I'm not even counting this shit because I got to 174/400-something and said fuck it. Worst. Ever.13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
A delightful and batshit insane look at war. Also pretty funny despite how bleak the underlying tone is. Definitely worth reading.
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
No where near complete, but I've done my share of Shakespeare. Honestly, it's best performed.15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
The non-honours class had to read this one summer (while I was reading David Copperfield, below) and I decided to check it out years later, in college. I actually ended up enjoying it for the most part.
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
Read this along with the trilogy.
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
Fuck this book, it's stupid.
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
I read this when it hit the bestseller list and was pleasantly surprised. Not my favourite ever, but I don't regret having read it.
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
I remember liking this book a lot in high school but for the life of me I don't remember it very well, except the end.
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
I just re-read this last November. The whole set, actually. Amazing.
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Fucking. Love. Dostoyevsky.
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
I read this so long ago I barely remember actually reading it. Seriously I was a child.
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
Read this for high school. I prefer Dostoyevsky, but this book taught me that despite their density, Russian Novels are definitely worth reading.32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
I read 50% of this book the day I was slated to take an exam on it. I only missed three questions. My friend read it over the summer, like we were supposed to. She got a C.
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
I actually reread these not terribly long ago. I first read them in grade school and didn't really like any of them, especially NOT The Lion, The Witch, and The Warddrobe. When I re-read them, I liked them better, but still I prefer my children's stories to be less... God-y
34 Emma - Jane Austen
I feel like I read this but I can't remember35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
I actually finished this book about three days ago. Totes legit.
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe
See 36
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
This was another bestseller I was surprised I enjoyed. Again, not in my top list or anything, but it had a good story and an interesting look into Muslim culture.
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
For some reason I really enjoy reading this book. I really don't have an excuse.
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
Here's another thing I read back when I was in single-digits
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
Reading this in 8th grade is what prompted me to read 1984, which is what prompted me to *heart* Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
Why did the BBC put this on their list at all?
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
This is not an easy book to get through. We read some Marquez in Spanish (the class and the language) and for some reason I was motivated to try it. In English. I really ended up enjoying it, depite how utterly bizarre it is.
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
I've read a decent amount of John Irving, but not this one.
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
This book makes me laugh. I didn't want to read it for a really long time, but whenever I'd go to Borders, Susan would pick it up and suggest it. Finally I caved and just read it, and ended up at least liking it. Of course, Susan went over-the-top and bought me the whole set, which I don't think I ever made it through.
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy.48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
Read this during my sci-fi kick last winter due to my psuedo-women's studies class. I liked it, I suppose. Couldn't complain.
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Here's another one I think I've read but can't remember specifically enough to count.
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Fun read.
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
I actually saw this movie first, when I realised my nerdism was missing a huge chunk of its pop-culture. When I read the book later, I enjoyed it, but it was kind of dry in parts. Definitely worth reading, and I see why it plays such a big role in nerd-culture, but I prefer stuff that's a little less Messiahanic. Is that how you spell that? I'm not proofreading this shit so whatever.
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
Another nice Jane Austen book. Probably one of my less favourite- it always seemed like a poor man's Pride and Prejudice.
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth.
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
I seriously spent a month trying to read this two summers ago and never made it past the first three chapters. I don't actually like Dickens a whole lot.58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
I have a thing for dystopian novels. Of course I read this, and of course I loved it.
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
I failed to follow common advice, "Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover" and bought this book because its cover featured an upside down dog. It most definitely was not what I expected, but ended up not being a terrible read.
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
This book was not anywhere near as magical realism-y as Cien Años de Soledad, but I still liked it. Marquez has this oddly old-fashioned way of writing that I actually enjoy. I'm not sure how much of this comes from it being translated, however. I should try reading in Spanish again...
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
I... don't like Steinbeck. I know, I know, I'm a bad hipster.
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
I kind of want to read this.
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
This book was so overrated to me. It was bizarre, but not in a good or interesting way. I felt like it was trying too hard to give me a message but I couldn't tell what the message was.
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
I was sort of torn on this book. First of all, I read the unabridged version, which is the drug-fueled bender version, which is basically one giant paragraph. It's a mess to read because my mind doesn't work like that of a man on amphetamines. But it was pretty good as far as a book about nothing goes, and part of the advantage of the stream-of-conciousness is that you really feel like you're on this wacky adventure.
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
This is another one I read back in high school when the movies were popular. It was pretty funny, but I don't know if it really belongs on this list.
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
Soooo much better than Twilight.
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
Read this in grade school at some point. Didn't really like it.
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
Loved Dubliners, but this is... an undertaking. Cait said to never read it unless it's part of a class, and as a science major, there's no way that's going to happen.76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
I hate this book, and I hate Lyla for lying to me and telling me it's good.
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt.
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
Never read it, but I wrote a really hilarious fake origin of colour story for no reason, which shared a title.
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
Here's another school-mandated book I read. I liked it, but between reading this and Anna Karenina and a few other shorter things, I feel like we did a lot of "Adulterous Women" stuff.
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
I read this a bazillion times when I was little, simply because I owned it. The weird thing was, I never really loved it.
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
In Catholic School they make you read stupid things.
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
The book I read a long, long time ago, and I barely remember most of the stories. BUT I'm OBSESSED with that BBC show they made, "Sherlock," and cannot wait for the second season.
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
This is one of my favourites. Probably my favourite tragedy that I've read. I just recently watched the David Tennant/Patrick Stewart version and it was pretty amazing, not just because The Doctor was in it.99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
I read a pile of Dahl's books in grade school, and I never really liked any of them. I don't think I had the right kind of imagination for them or something.
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
Final count: 51/100. Barely over half, and to be fair, I've read several works of Shakespeare and more of the bible than I care to admit. Also, this list has a disporportionate amount of Charles Dickens on it, which, I get it's a British list, but honestly, I don't like Dickens enough to read that all that shit. I got a few, it's better than nothing.
I used to have a really cool photo of my "bookshelf" i.e. the window ledge all my books are shelved on, but I forgot it was on my old phone (the one I lost while drunk one night in Wrigleyville... fucking Wrigleyville) and since my room is actually assembled now, it's kind of hard to see how awesome it is, so instead I shared with you the one picture I could find on my phone that showed a book I own. Naturally, it's the Cracked book.