So if I had a Chance, Would you let me Know

Oh, wow. Hot and hazy summer days begin. This summer I'm on with Scott's brilliant anti-emo plan. No more depression and emo-ocity, just letting the goodtimes roll.

However. There is but one single flaw in my brilliant plan. (Which is not actually my brilliant plan) And that is that I have to do something. Just one thing. But it will pretty much be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Now, the thing is, it's going to be very painful. Even though I have people there for me, helping me, there is still an individual loss to account for. And that loss is the loss of a great friendship. It's not garunteed that the freindship shall be sacrificed- au contraire, if all works out, the other person shall see just how much they are loved and cared about. But there is also the complete chance of backfire and eternal... hatred. Pretty much. It's something that has been weighing me down for a while, occasionally resulting in emo flares. I guess thanks to some good friends I have decided that honesty is really the best way to go. It's also the most dangerous. But you have to take risks.

However, I am going to have to start my summer out with it, as it's something that cannot be done in the midst of a school finals week. It's too much added stress. Once I'm out of school, though, things will be better. This is why:

when you're in school, you're tryin to impress everyone, the actions you
take, the things you say- they are so restricted by the social organization
of
your academic establishment. But in the summer, you are free. Sure
you
still see
people and hear about people. But you can avoid those you
don't
want to see, and
spend every day with the people you like. You
don't have to
restict yourself as
much, because rumours can't fly aroudn
as much. and you
can stay up until 4am
bonding with poeple you never
expected to get to know.

great. I have totally messed up the formatting of this bloge. I concede.

But anyway. I guess there are just some painful things we all have to do.

Ugh. ::hits self::

Kiss her, Kiss her

j'ai longtemps parcouru son corps
effleure cent fois son visage
j'ai trouve de l'or
et quelques etoiles
en essuyant ses larmes
j'ai appris par cœur la purete de ses formes
et je les dessine encore
[il] fait partie de moi.....

je veux juste une derniere danse
avant l'ombre et l'indifference
un vertige puis le silence
je veux juste une derniere danse…

French is such a pretty language, I'll admit it. Granted I can't speak it, understand it, or properly appreciate the people of France, but whatever. It's a very pretty song- not that I've ever heard it, but the translation is pretty.

Well, it's June. School is almost over, and I couldn't be happier. I have this (probably distorted) belief that everything will get better in the summer.

So you know what's really unfortunate? When your hopes and dreams are crushed to the ground. Okay, yeah for once this emo-ness is not stemmed from my own experience, but rather from someone else's (mind you I can almost directly identify with it, but that's not the point) problem. I have to say, I do feel really bad, thanks to that identification thing. But for real, between that, nad the rapidly approaching end of school year, it makes you wonder if we'll all have enough time to get what we really want out of our high school experience. I hope to. Well really, I'm pretty happy- sure, things can always be better- some things particular...sigh... but yeah, i guess you just have to do the "Tuesdays with Morrie" thing and embrace life for the moment and make sure you have done anything you want to do. Say what you mean. Do what needs to be done. No regrets, no fears.

Anyway, I'm really tired. I think I shall be off.

P.S. I hate you people who are free from school

I'll Keep Singing This Lie

Ah, what a nice long weekend. Not long enough. Pretty soon the longest weekend of them all is coming- summer. Ah, summer. What would we do without it?

Okay, let's review. Saturday night, of course, entailed working (after a nice visit to Shanni in the afternoon). Whatever- then Sunday, after my 1-5 work shift- the FINAL work shift ever (because I am now freeeeeeeeeee) and about three hours of boredum, I went off to Applebee's with Kristen and Ryan and KAtie. Only that kind of died because Susan called and told us that they were $100 bucks short in the register. She thought it was from a transaction I managed to mess up earlier, but au contraire- if that were the case, they'd have been 190.27ish over, not 100 under. So there was chaos ensuing, and at the end of the day, we never really figured out what happened, but the report accidently got sent in. Oops. Well, problem was solved, more or less- at least Susan didn't throw in 100 bucks, which she didn't actually have.

After that, we went to Sean's (don't worry, he wasn't home yet) and froliced a bit, until he, too, got home- then we whipped out the glow sticks. After that, the usual fun ensued... but I sort of fell asleep early and was being anti-social. Sorry. I got sleep though. In the morning, fun at IHOP. We were all sort of out of it. Anyway, so after we went home. I got some sleep time, then I sat around, painfully bored, until syd came online and said she was going to Crocker Park. So I went forth. I did some window shopping, Kristen called and she met up with me. Then we ran into Syd, and also Eliazbeth and Claire- Elizabeth's eyes were the grossest things I have ever experienced in my life.

Anyway. Blaa blaa blaa, yadda yadda, eventually Kristen, Sean, and Scott would up here. We made shish-ka-bobs (the more accurate interpretation is that my mother made shish-ka-bobs) and played spud, and all and all it was a good time.

So now, unfortunately, the weekend comes to a close. So in review- I'm now really dirty from running around, I am really tired, I am really full, and I'm still living a lie. In conclusion. Good overall weekend.

My mind. Is very cluttered. I don't appreciate it.

Sometimes I wish I just knew everything. Well, not everything. But enough so that I didn't have to. Wonder.