It has been, without a doubt, an interesting first weekend of college.
It has been fun. Like you wouldn't believe. I had an excellent time, largely thanks to my friends Natty and Bud. But regardless, it's been great.
I just went through a bunch of old photos, tryign to print off some classics so I can pin them to my corkboard and look popular, because my roommate has a SHITLOAD of photos, and I'm super jealous because she even has frames and such. Anyway, it made me feel rather nostalgic. Almost sad. Happy sad though. You know, remembering the good ol' times. (As if I'm some ninty-five year old geezer who grew up without the internet to connect me to those I left behind) But seriously. I had a great weekend, yes. Met some new people, yes. But it's not the same as having a group of really close friends who know you and who are similar to you. And I know I'll find that here eventually, I'm not worried about that so much. I just miss having friends to goof around with, ones you were done with first... and second... and third.... impressions for. The ones that were always there on the other end of the phone trying to figure out the evening's plans (when all you ever really did was end up on a front porch). Friends who didn't need elaborate background explanations for all your stories. The ones who all you had to do was say one word (Stoma?) and they'd crack up. Inside Jokes. Late night fires. Emo guitar sessions. Drunken Diner people. Cleveland, Lakewood, Westlake, Middleburg... sometimes even the east side. I don't miss the places though, I miss the people I shared those places with.
When I came to college, I didn't expect to miss anyone so much. I had always loved my friends, but I thought coming to OSU, I'd be alright. And I am, really, minus my current skank-whore status. Except I don't mind that. I guess I"m different here. I'm changing, and for once I can feel it. I know everyone changes subtly throughout their lives, but I feel like it's happening more quickly. But I'm not exactly being a different person. I'm just finding a new person on the inside, one who I tried to keep on the DL before. But I think I'm startign to accept myself already, despite my odd sense of lonliness.
It wasn't until maybe April that I started feeling so close to anyone. Who knew that you could miss kids you only really knew for four months quite so much? I didn't know what I was missing for the first four years of high school- but then think, would it have been the same then? The answer is no. You meet people when you meet them. Whether there's a higher design for it or not, I'm not sure, but I do think that just by circumstance and choices you always know exactly who you need to know when you need to know them. So for four months we became one of the closest-knit groups of friends I ever had. I lvoed every minute of it. No time for emo there- too much fun, whether it was skanking at the House of Blues or listening to guitar's at someone's house. Music and laughter and fudge always filled the air.
So here we are. scattered, from St. Louis and Chicago to New York and D.C. And we can still talk, we can see each other once in a while. But not all together. It's different in a way. You know that when we see eachother again, it will be exactly the same, like we never missed a beat. But until then, I have to continue being new and I have to miss what I had. I have to miss the best summer of my life.