Ahhh, here it is. Finally. After eighteen years, eight months, and six days, I'm finally being set free from this house. Well, alright we moved here when I was nine. But you get the idea. I'm finally going off on my own. Away from the tyranny of this "family life" thing.
I have to celebrate my dad's birthday today. That's no fun at all. What a waste of my last day in town. I could be eating with my REAL family (aka Lyla's family) but no I have to wait for my stupid mother to make us some crap food.
I haven't decided how I feel about leaving yet. I mean, there's nothing here for me at all. I've established that very clearly, particularly in the last week. And I know once I get there, there isn't anything waiting for me back here. But still the initial leaving thing is sort of tough. However, all I have to do is wait for my mother to barge into my room (which she does with alarming regularity) to remember why I hate it here.
I don't think I'm nervous about the whole making friends thing. I mean, I'm a bitch, but for some reason people like me anyway. Don't ask me- I have never professed to have any drawing features. No one else seems to regularly have a problem with it, and I manage to avoid those who do.
Sometimes I think about all the friends I'll be missing, but then I realize they're gone anyway so what does it matter if I'm chatting online with them while I'm at home or while I'm in my OSU dorm, which is actually closer to most people. That's the convienent thing about Columbus being in the centre of the state. Okay, Skoch, Cait, and Shannon are all still sort of far away, but everyone else is in Ohio still. And it's no more than 2 to 2.5 hours to any other worthwhile college. So I can visit. And there's always thanksgiving, or just next Tuesday, when Liz and I are maybe going to come back for the lostprophets concert. I do love lostprophets.
I guess it's just alarming having to make a new start. Then again, a new start is exactly what I need right now. It's too late for me to go back and regret things. This summer was awesome, and long, and I'm ready for it to be over. A closed chapter in the book of life, if I may cliche.
Off to open presents. Shoot me. When I write again, I'll be starting a new life.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
I am Losing one day at a time
Wow. Today has just been awesome. No really, it's been fabulous.
I got up at 8:30. yes, I went to bed at three. As usual. Because god knows sleep is overrated. Anyway yes and then I didn't do anything but watch ER, which should stand for "Emotional Rollercoaster", not "Emergency Room". After that I went to the basement to get my iPod so I could do some running/biking. And I nearly stepping in dog poop, which I ended up cleaning. And the iPod was out of batteries. Awesome.
So I decided I'd do my shopping first and then go running. And as I pulled out of the garage, I scraped the front of my car on the garage. The brick part. Sweeeeeet. I'm so retarded. Also, the bank doesn't seem to want me to deposit my money.
I hate days like today. Where everything just goes WRONG. It's like god's taking a fart on me and my pathetic life.
I'm really not that emo. I'm just pointing out that everything bad happens at once. It's probably just stress from the fact that I'm leaving and I'm not done packing yet. Not that I really need to be- I still have about thirty-six hours to finish up. And I may actually have plans for tonight.
Jude Law is totally dreamy. But so are accents in general.
Lyla is so not good at comforting/reassuring people.
You know maybe if the weather didn't suck, neither would my life.
College. Two days. Can't fucking wait.
I got up at 8:30. yes, I went to bed at three. As usual. Because god knows sleep is overrated. Anyway yes and then I didn't do anything but watch ER, which should stand for "Emotional Rollercoaster", not "Emergency Room". After that I went to the basement to get my iPod so I could do some running/biking. And I nearly stepping in dog poop, which I ended up cleaning. And the iPod was out of batteries. Awesome.
So I decided I'd do my shopping first and then go running. And as I pulled out of the garage, I scraped the front of my car on the garage. The brick part. Sweeeeeet. I'm so retarded. Also, the bank doesn't seem to want me to deposit my money.
I hate days like today. Where everything just goes WRONG. It's like god's taking a fart on me and my pathetic life.
I'm really not that emo. I'm just pointing out that everything bad happens at once. It's probably just stress from the fact that I'm leaving and I'm not done packing yet. Not that I really need to be- I still have about thirty-six hours to finish up. And I may actually have plans for tonight.
Jude Law is totally dreamy. But so are accents in general.
Lyla is so not good at comforting/reassuring people.
You know maybe if the weather didn't suck, neither would my life.
College. Two days. Can't fucking wait.
I am Losing one day at a time
Wow. Today has just been awesome. No really, it's been fabulous.
I got up at 8:30. yes, I went to bed at three. As usual. Because god knows sleep is overrated. Anyway yes and then I didn't do anything but watch ER, which should stand for "Emotional Rollercoaster", not "Emergency Room". After that I went to the basement to get my iPod so I could do some running/biking. And I nearly stepping in dog poop, which I ended up cleaning. And the iPod was out of batteries. Awesome.
So I decided I'd do my shopping first and then go running. And as I pulled out of the garage, I scraped the front of my car on the garage. The brick part. Sweeeeeet. I'm so retarded. Also, the bank doesn't seem to want me to deposit my money.
I hate days like today. Where everything just goes WRONG. It's like god's taking a fart on me and my pathetic life.
I'm really not that emo. I'm just pointing out that everything bad happens at once. It's probably just stress from the fact that I'm leaving and I'm not done packing yet. Not that I really need to be- I still have about thirty-six hours to finish up. And I may actually have plans for tonight.
Jude Law is totally dreamy. But so are accents in general.
Lyla is so not good at comforting/reassuring people.
You know maybe if the weather didn't suck, neither would my life.
College. Two days. Can't fucking wait.
I got up at 8:30. yes, I went to bed at three. As usual. Because god knows sleep is overrated. Anyway yes and then I didn't do anything but watch ER, which should stand for "Emotional Rollercoaster", not "Emergency Room". After that I went to the basement to get my iPod so I could do some running/biking. And I nearly stepping in dog poop, which I ended up cleaning. And the iPod was out of batteries. Awesome.
So I decided I'd do my shopping first and then go running. And as I pulled out of the garage, I scraped the front of my car on the garage. The brick part. Sweeeeeet. I'm so retarded. Also, the bank doesn't seem to want me to deposit my money.
I hate days like today. Where everything just goes WRONG. It's like god's taking a fart on me and my pathetic life.
I'm really not that emo. I'm just pointing out that everything bad happens at once. It's probably just stress from the fact that I'm leaving and I'm not done packing yet. Not that I really need to be- I still have about thirty-six hours to finish up. And I may actually have plans for tonight.
Jude Law is totally dreamy. But so are accents in general.
Lyla is so not good at comforting/reassuring people.
You know maybe if the weather didn't suck, neither would my life.
College. Two days. Can't fucking wait.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
You're So Last Summer
Dane Cook is god. He is. It's true. His witty, incisive humour never fails to cheer me up. Thank god he had another tour. Vicious Circle. Ohhh brilliant.
So yeah I did one of those horribly addictive myspace survey things- you know the ones with the iPod on random. Anyway it was alright but I feel like doing it again, with comments, this time. Oh, also, Caitlin, I hate you, because you tend to be the reason I do these things. Also, I was jealous her answers made sense and mine didn't
(note: I am a loser)
1) How am I feeling today?
Painless- Mae
Actually this is pretty true. I haven't done anything stupid like running into doors or tripping over luggage (which is a distinct possibility with all this packing). Also I'm doing very well emotionally right now. And I'm leaving soon. And I took Tylenol PM and once the hangover from that wore off, I was doing swell.
2) Where will I get married?
Still Take You Home- Arctic Monkeys
Why do I feel like this refers to me getting married in a Vegas Chapel? Like the day I meet someone. Stupid world. I'm going to get married drunk off my ass, aren't I?
3) What is my best friends theme song?
Clock is Down- Letter Kills
I can't decide who my best friend is. Or who this is about. Maybe Cait, who's an hour behind us because she's in Chicago? Oh, maybe.
4) What is high school like?
Buddy Holly- Weezer
I find this funny. Like high school is some delightful cliched world of 1950.
Oh, wait, it is.
5) What is the best thing about me?
It was Only Love- The Cribs
I don't know what this means. This song is good though. It means something to me, right now, just not actually in response to that question.
6)How is today going to be?
goodbye tonight- lostprophets
Do I sense an oxymoron?
7) What is in store for this weekend?
Climbing Up the Walls- Radiohead
This may or may not make sense. Maybe if they mean like "escaping". Because this weekend I shall be celebrating the 58th birthday of my father (kill me) and there are few friends left to hang out with and all in all it's going to be sucky... until I move into college, anyway.
8) What song describes my parents?
The Kids Went Home- How About No
I don't know? If home means not in this house then alright.
9) How is my life going?
Time Honoured Tradition- Kaiser Cheifs
Time honoured tradition... to get enough nutrition... stay alive until you die and that is the end of that. Fabulous. This must mean I'm just living for the sake of living and there's no point. Let's be more morbid, I swear, it's fun.
10) What song will they play at my funeral?
Radio America- Libertines
Sooo like. Okay.
11) How does the world see me?
Silvio- Dylan
what does that even mean?
12) What do my friends really think of me?
Forever Young- Dylan
I suppose that's a compliment, unless you guys think I'm immature, in which case, fuck you.
13) Why do people secretly lust after me?
The Ha Ha Wall- Libertines
Once again I'm confused.
14) How can I make myself happy?
Unaffected- Hoobastank
You're so right. If I remain unaffected by the outside I can be happy. Isn't that lying to yourself though? AHHHHH.
15) What should I do with my life?
Where can I stab myself in the ears- hawthorne heights
OKAY SERIOUSLY FOLKS. Let's be a weeeee bit more angsty here.
16) Will I ever have children?
You're so Real- MB20
Stop not making sense iTunes
17) What is some good advice?
Stop Whispering- Radiohead
Also true. Don't wisper. Yell. Shout. Just be honest. Trust me. Do whatever you can because if you don't say anything you'll be worse off.
18) What do I think my current theme song is?
Fingers in the Factory- Editors
Um alright again.
19) What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
The Transition- Hawthorne heights
Actually once again this is quite apt. I'm leaving for Columbus in a few days and I sort of tied up all the loose ends from the summer so I guess it is a transition, right?
20) What type of men/women do you like?
What's the Frequency, Kenneth?- REM
okay you wanna know what? my dad's name is Kenneth and I don't want whoever I'm with to be ANYTHING like him so this is complete crap
21) Will you get married?
Dancing Shoes- Arctic Monkeys
I suppose that means yes. I mean you dance at weddings, no?
22) What should I do with my love life?
Our Time is Now- Story of the Year
UGH. I think iTunes is just laughing in my face now.
24) Where will you live?
Disappear- Hoobastank
Ouch. Thanks a lot asshole.
25) What will your dying words be?
Such Great Hieghts- Postal Service
Well you wanna know what? I love this song. And you know, if the whole afterlife thing is true, then maybe I'll do that whole "heaven" thing (debatable but whatever) and this will make sense. But seriously. Love that song.
26) Hows your day going so far?
Kody- MB20
Well alrighty then.
27) Hows your love life?
Falling Down- Story of the Year
fuck you iTunes. Dont laugh at me. You're laughing? I'm not laughing.
28)Where will your next vacation be?
Hitsville, UK
HAHAHAHAHA I can only dream my friends.
Alright so that's what I did with the last 20 minutes of my life. Enjoy.
So yeah I did one of those horribly addictive myspace survey things- you know the ones with the iPod on random. Anyway it was alright but I feel like doing it again, with comments, this time. Oh, also, Caitlin, I hate you, because you tend to be the reason I do these things. Also, I was jealous her answers made sense and mine didn't
(note: I am a loser)
1) How am I feeling today?
Painless- Mae
Actually this is pretty true. I haven't done anything stupid like running into doors or tripping over luggage (which is a distinct possibility with all this packing). Also I'm doing very well emotionally right now. And I'm leaving soon. And I took Tylenol PM and once the hangover from that wore off, I was doing swell.
2) Where will I get married?
Still Take You Home- Arctic Monkeys
Why do I feel like this refers to me getting married in a Vegas Chapel? Like the day I meet someone. Stupid world. I'm going to get married drunk off my ass, aren't I?
3) What is my best friends theme song?
Clock is Down- Letter Kills
I can't decide who my best friend is. Or who this is about. Maybe Cait, who's an hour behind us because she's in Chicago? Oh, maybe.
4) What is high school like?
Buddy Holly- Weezer
I find this funny. Like high school is some delightful cliched world of 1950.
Oh, wait, it is.
5) What is the best thing about me?
It was Only Love- The Cribs
I don't know what this means. This song is good though. It means something to me, right now, just not actually in response to that question.
6)How is today going to be?
goodbye tonight- lostprophets
Do I sense an oxymoron?
7) What is in store for this weekend?
Climbing Up the Walls- Radiohead
This may or may not make sense. Maybe if they mean like "escaping". Because this weekend I shall be celebrating the 58th birthday of my father (kill me) and there are few friends left to hang out with and all in all it's going to be sucky... until I move into college, anyway.
8) What song describes my parents?
The Kids Went Home- How About No
I don't know? If home means not in this house then alright.
9) How is my life going?
Time Honoured Tradition- Kaiser Cheifs
Time honoured tradition... to get enough nutrition... stay alive until you die and that is the end of that. Fabulous. This must mean I'm just living for the sake of living and there's no point. Let's be more morbid, I swear, it's fun.
10) What song will they play at my funeral?
Radio America- Libertines
Sooo like. Okay.
11) How does the world see me?
Silvio- Dylan
what does that even mean?
12) What do my friends really think of me?
Forever Young- Dylan
I suppose that's a compliment, unless you guys think I'm immature, in which case, fuck you.
13) Why do people secretly lust after me?
The Ha Ha Wall- Libertines
Once again I'm confused.
14) How can I make myself happy?
Unaffected- Hoobastank
You're so right. If I remain unaffected by the outside I can be happy. Isn't that lying to yourself though? AHHHHH.
15) What should I do with my life?
Where can I stab myself in the ears- hawthorne heights
OKAY SERIOUSLY FOLKS. Let's be a weeeee bit more angsty here.
16) Will I ever have children?
You're so Real- MB20
Stop not making sense iTunes
17) What is some good advice?
Stop Whispering- Radiohead
Also true. Don't wisper. Yell. Shout. Just be honest. Trust me. Do whatever you can because if you don't say anything you'll be worse off.
18) What do I think my current theme song is?
Fingers in the Factory- Editors
Um alright again.
19) What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
The Transition- Hawthorne heights
Actually once again this is quite apt. I'm leaving for Columbus in a few days and I sort of tied up all the loose ends from the summer so I guess it is a transition, right?
20) What type of men/women do you like?
What's the Frequency, Kenneth?- REM
okay you wanna know what? my dad's name is Kenneth and I don't want whoever I'm with to be ANYTHING like him so this is complete crap
21) Will you get married?
Dancing Shoes- Arctic Monkeys
I suppose that means yes. I mean you dance at weddings, no?
22) What should I do with my love life?
Our Time is Now- Story of the Year
UGH. I think iTunes is just laughing in my face now.
24) Where will you live?
Disappear- Hoobastank
Ouch. Thanks a lot asshole.
25) What will your dying words be?
Such Great Hieghts- Postal Service
Well you wanna know what? I love this song. And you know, if the whole afterlife thing is true, then maybe I'll do that whole "heaven" thing (debatable but whatever) and this will make sense. But seriously. Love that song.
26) Hows your day going so far?
Kody- MB20
Well alrighty then.
27) Hows your love life?
Falling Down- Story of the Year
fuck you iTunes. Dont laugh at me. You're laughing? I'm not laughing.
28)Where will your next vacation be?
Hitsville, UK
HAHAHAHAHA I can only dream my friends.
Alright so that's what I did with the last 20 minutes of my life. Enjoy.
I Still Left the Lights On
Tralala, another day, another blog. I insist upon writing in here, even on days like today when there's not much to write about.
So I knocked back some Tylenol PM last night, right? Yeah, that stuff didn't word at all. I took it and didn't fall asleep for an hour and a half (3am) and then I still woke up at nine-thirty (which, granted, is later than I usually wake up) and I felt like I had a hangover. It sucked. And I felt groggy until about 1:30 or so, maybe halfway through our visit to mags.
Yes, that's right, everything around here is so boring, Lyla and I went back to mags for the day. Not even, for maybe like an hour or so. Dr. Wilson is aparently going to have a baby, which excited Lyla far more than it did me, seeing as I still think the good doctor is a little crazy. However, he's stoked, so that's good. Whatever makes people happy. Also saw Mrs. Neville, not for long enough, but that was nice because she's like the best teacher ever. And no, I did not say hello to the almighty D.Vis (I did wave in her window) but I figured she probably hates me, we slacked off a lot in our little corner of the room, so I felt it wiser to just wander away. Oh, and we saw Chahda, who just rolled her eyes when she saw both Lyla and I together. Poor woman.
Anyway, Mags wasn't so bad, but I'm glad it's effing over. Collegecollegecollege. Only three days away. Really right now I ought to be packing, but I got sort of tired of it. I was working up a sweat- which I'm sure has something to do with the fact that my bedroom tends to a) retain heat and b) is lit by the hottest bloody lamp ever ($20 from Target) and I just replaced two of its lightbulbs, so it seems like daytime in here. (I know no one cares, I tend to ramble)
God I'm so flippin' tired and I can't sleep. Today I literally felt like I was going to pass out, and I lie (or layed or lied or whatever) down to sleep and I could completely not fall asleep. My mind wanders too much.
Carlos Mencia is extremely offensive, but that's alright. Futurama is on.
I also can't eat. I had half a salad today for dinner. Who the hell only eats half a fucking salad?
I should go back to packing.
So I knocked back some Tylenol PM last night, right? Yeah, that stuff didn't word at all. I took it and didn't fall asleep for an hour and a half (3am) and then I still woke up at nine-thirty (which, granted, is later than I usually wake up) and I felt like I had a hangover. It sucked. And I felt groggy until about 1:30 or so, maybe halfway through our visit to mags.
Yes, that's right, everything around here is so boring, Lyla and I went back to mags for the day. Not even, for maybe like an hour or so. Dr. Wilson is aparently going to have a baby, which excited Lyla far more than it did me, seeing as I still think the good doctor is a little crazy. However, he's stoked, so that's good. Whatever makes people happy. Also saw Mrs. Neville, not for long enough, but that was nice because she's like the best teacher ever. And no, I did not say hello to the almighty D.Vis (I did wave in her window) but I figured she probably hates me, we slacked off a lot in our little corner of the room, so I felt it wiser to just wander away. Oh, and we saw Chahda, who just rolled her eyes when she saw both Lyla and I together. Poor woman.
Anyway, Mags wasn't so bad, but I'm glad it's effing over. Collegecollegecollege. Only three days away. Really right now I ought to be packing, but I got sort of tired of it. I was working up a sweat- which I'm sure has something to do with the fact that my bedroom tends to a) retain heat and b) is lit by the hottest bloody lamp ever ($20 from Target) and I just replaced two of its lightbulbs, so it seems like daytime in here. (I know no one cares, I tend to ramble)
God I'm so flippin' tired and I can't sleep. Today I literally felt like I was going to pass out, and I lie (or layed or lied or whatever) down to sleep and I could completely not fall asleep. My mind wanders too much.
Carlos Mencia is extremely offensive, but that's alright. Futurama is on.
I also can't eat. I had half a salad today for dinner. Who the hell only eats half a fucking salad?
I should go back to packing.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
I think somebody loved me once
Reel Big Fish makes everyone happy. Even me.
But really, I'm not too upset. I'm doing alright. I only have four more days here. And I finished off what I needed to today (besides shopping, but that's another story) and so I feel like I'm leaving without bringing any ghosts to follow me.
Someone just remind me that once I get into college I have to stop making the mistake of inaction. Just Do It, right? God I'm so fucking retarded. I think that upsets me the most- how goddamn stupid I was. Why didn't I ever listen to Lyla? Too late now. Sorry Loulou.
But I'm at peace. It just rained. I love rain. Rain and thunder and lightning. It was all very clensing.
And I have sound on the laptop, which just cheers me up immensely! I have to pack and still buy a few things, but more or less, I'm all set to go to Columbus, a place which, to me, holds new promise and hope. Corny, I know, but true. I am going to make an honest effort to change- not to be a different person, but to make the right choice, to be honest.
Ultimately I leave behind no regrets, not really. There's some things I should have done. There are some things that could have gone better. But really, all in all, things are okay now. Not perfect, and I feel like they are... different. But I'm okay. I'm okay.
But really, I'm not too upset. I'm doing alright. I only have four more days here. And I finished off what I needed to today (besides shopping, but that's another story) and so I feel like I'm leaving without bringing any ghosts to follow me.
Someone just remind me that once I get into college I have to stop making the mistake of inaction. Just Do It, right? God I'm so fucking retarded. I think that upsets me the most- how goddamn stupid I was. Why didn't I ever listen to Lyla? Too late now. Sorry Loulou.
But I'm at peace. It just rained. I love rain. Rain and thunder and lightning. It was all very clensing.
And I have sound on the laptop, which just cheers me up immensely! I have to pack and still buy a few things, but more or less, I'm all set to go to Columbus, a place which, to me, holds new promise and hope. Corny, I know, but true. I am going to make an honest effort to change- not to be a different person, but to make the right choice, to be honest.
Ultimately I leave behind no regrets, not really. There's some things I should have done. There are some things that could have gone better. But really, all in all, things are okay now. Not perfect, and I feel like they are... different. But I'm okay. I'm okay.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Ten Seconds Left on this Clock
People just continue to irritate me. Not specifically or anything- just the idea of people in general. Seriously.
Anyway, today is already going much better than yesterday, minus the fact that I missed the Sony guy who came around 9 this morning. That's not true, I actually heard the doorbell ring, but I had literally just woke up (I expected him at 11:30) and I looked gross and decided that greeting people wasn't the best of ideas. Yes, I'm that vain about the whole appearance thing. Anyway, he said he'd come back, but thus far, he has not, and he was supposed to be here 45 minutes ago.
So now I'm watching Hamlet, because nothing helps a slightly suicidal soul like a tale of vengance and uncertainty. Ophelia just threw herself off the willow tree. Such a tragic hero- who doesn't love a tragic hero? This is such a great play.
I have tonnes of stuff to do suddenly, most of which entails packing for COLLEGE. Which I am finally leaving for, in five days. I cannot wait. I still have to buy stuff, from a favourite store- Best Buy. Unfortunately I cannot leave for any shopping purposes because I still have to wait for this stupid techie guy to show up.
Anyhoo, I no longer harbour any misgivings about leaving for college. I'm happy to be rid of this place. Cleveland and its surrounding areas is nice, sure, but there is simply nothing and no one here anymore.
This guy had seriously better come soon. I know I'm going to have to spend a gazillion hours updating the laptop again. I already had to overhaul it, and currently there's nothing on it besides AIM trinton and microsoft internet explorer. It's basically completely useless, and all I do is IM people and go on facebook, addicting thing that it is.
WHERE IS THIS MAN?!
I wish it wasn't so dreary outdoors. I also wish it wasn't school season, because Nickelodeon no longer plays cartoons during the afternoon.
Oo! I found my eyeshadow brush!
Anyway, today is already going much better than yesterday, minus the fact that I missed the Sony guy who came around 9 this morning. That's not true, I actually heard the doorbell ring, but I had literally just woke up (I expected him at 11:30) and I looked gross and decided that greeting people wasn't the best of ideas. Yes, I'm that vain about the whole appearance thing. Anyway, he said he'd come back, but thus far, he has not, and he was supposed to be here 45 minutes ago.
So now I'm watching Hamlet, because nothing helps a slightly suicidal soul like a tale of vengance and uncertainty. Ophelia just threw herself off the willow tree. Such a tragic hero- who doesn't love a tragic hero? This is such a great play.
I have tonnes of stuff to do suddenly, most of which entails packing for COLLEGE. Which I am finally leaving for, in five days. I cannot wait. I still have to buy stuff, from a favourite store- Best Buy. Unfortunately I cannot leave for any shopping purposes because I still have to wait for this stupid techie guy to show up.
Anyhoo, I no longer harbour any misgivings about leaving for college. I'm happy to be rid of this place. Cleveland and its surrounding areas is nice, sure, but there is simply nothing and no one here anymore.
This guy had seriously better come soon. I know I'm going to have to spend a gazillion hours updating the laptop again. I already had to overhaul it, and currently there's nothing on it besides AIM trinton and microsoft internet explorer. It's basically completely useless, and all I do is IM people and go on facebook, addicting thing that it is.
WHERE IS THIS MAN?!
I wish it wasn't so dreary outdoors. I also wish it wasn't school season, because Nickelodeon no longer plays cartoons during the afternoon.
Oo! I found my eyeshadow brush!
Monday, September 11, 2006
This is the Sound of My Heart Breakin'
Five years ago today I woke up and noticed my ring, my cheap ring from Claire's, the one I loved because it looked like the one Fi from So Wierd had, I noticed it wasn't on my finger but rather sitting on my bedside table. This was unusual. I actually distinctly remember being confused for a minute, then slipping it back on, and thought nothing more of it.
Two hours later my eighth grade social studies class, in the middle of some useless chapter review or another, turned on channel five and saw the smoke rolling out of the tower. We were all quite confused, especially a few minutes later when there was another one.
Now we know what was happening that day. It was much more than a distraction from another monotonous game of Hollywood Squares (St. B's social studies style) or an excuse to get out of one of Joan's crazy labs or a day off of soccer. It was much more. And to this day, I can't help but shake the superstitious thoughts that come to mind when I think about that ring. It's stupid I know. But it's sort of like- I should have known that morning would be different.
I wish I would have had sort of an omen for this weekend.
This weekend wasn't bad. When you get down to the nitty-gritty (is that how you spell that phrase?) of it, I had a blast! I got to see Syd and Sarah and Scotty, and I got drunk, and I made bad choices, and I partied, and I took pictures and I didn't think twice about what I was doing. Except that one time.
Even when you drink, when you're drunk, you know what you're doing. I knew exactly what I was doing. I didn't honestly feel too bad about it. It's not the action so much. It's that I felt bad. I ask myself now- why? No one cares. No one cared then and no one cares now. I wasted an entire day feeling bad about what I did, even though I had no right to at all.
Loulou pointed out that it was probably more that I regret missed opportunity. She's right. She knows, she always knows. That's why I come whining to her during such crises. She knows what needs to be said, and she keeps me from breaking down.
Now, as if my sudden depressing titbit of news today (after eight hours working with mother, no less) wasn't enough- no, no, on top of that we had to go see some super depressing movie called Factorus (maybe?) at Cedar Lee. It wasn't even depressing- it was angsty, angsty like this annoying post right now. It really didn't make me feel any better about my life.
And to SUPER top this off, it's September 11th, which, okay honestly doesn't mean THAT much to me, I know it's a horrible tragedy and all, but I was very little affected by it, I mean, I have my posh, bubbly suburban life to protect me from the horrors of terrorists. But I also read Kite Runner today (an apt novel considering the particular milestone) and that's not exactly a "laugh-out-loud" family comedy.
And just to make things spectacular, I broke a nail, right down to the cuticle, and now my finger hurts.
It's just one of those days, I suppose.
Tomorrow Sony is coming out to fix the laptop so that it's actually sort of useful when I go off to college. Maybe then I'll be cheered up. In the meantime, still no one reads this, and it just feels good to at least begin to sort things out, so whatever. No one cares, I know. I'm sorry for wasting your time.
Two hours later my eighth grade social studies class, in the middle of some useless chapter review or another, turned on channel five and saw the smoke rolling out of the tower. We were all quite confused, especially a few minutes later when there was another one.
Now we know what was happening that day. It was much more than a distraction from another monotonous game of Hollywood Squares (St. B's social studies style) or an excuse to get out of one of Joan's crazy labs or a day off of soccer. It was much more. And to this day, I can't help but shake the superstitious thoughts that come to mind when I think about that ring. It's stupid I know. But it's sort of like- I should have known that morning would be different.
I wish I would have had sort of an omen for this weekend.
This weekend wasn't bad. When you get down to the nitty-gritty (is that how you spell that phrase?) of it, I had a blast! I got to see Syd and Sarah and Scotty, and I got drunk, and I made bad choices, and I partied, and I took pictures and I didn't think twice about what I was doing. Except that one time.
Even when you drink, when you're drunk, you know what you're doing. I knew exactly what I was doing. I didn't honestly feel too bad about it. It's not the action so much. It's that I felt bad. I ask myself now- why? No one cares. No one cared then and no one cares now. I wasted an entire day feeling bad about what I did, even though I had no right to at all.
Loulou pointed out that it was probably more that I regret missed opportunity. She's right. She knows, she always knows. That's why I come whining to her during such crises. She knows what needs to be said, and she keeps me from breaking down.
Now, as if my sudden depressing titbit of news today (after eight hours working with mother, no less) wasn't enough- no, no, on top of that we had to go see some super depressing movie called Factorus (maybe?) at Cedar Lee. It wasn't even depressing- it was angsty, angsty like this annoying post right now. It really didn't make me feel any better about my life.
And to SUPER top this off, it's September 11th, which, okay honestly doesn't mean THAT much to me, I know it's a horrible tragedy and all, but I was very little affected by it, I mean, I have my posh, bubbly suburban life to protect me from the horrors of terrorists. But I also read Kite Runner today (an apt novel considering the particular milestone) and that's not exactly a "laugh-out-loud" family comedy.
And just to make things spectacular, I broke a nail, right down to the cuticle, and now my finger hurts.
It's just one of those days, I suppose.
Tomorrow Sony is coming out to fix the laptop so that it's actually sort of useful when I go off to college. Maybe then I'll be cheered up. In the meantime, still no one reads this, and it just feels good to at least begin to sort things out, so whatever. No one cares, I know. I'm sorry for wasting your time.