An Open Letter to a Different Set of Neighbours That I Still Wish I Was Ballsy Enough to Send

First off, I'd like to open that, while my previous letter obviously never reached the eyes of my neighbours in 3S, one of them did come forth to ask about what irritation the dog in question posed, and to proffer a standing invitation to inform upon it to them, should it once again cross my ear canal in a vexing manner. The whole issue in question stands to be resolved completely by the purchase of a barking collar. I'd like to believe that, through some unknown power of my words, the neighbours heard my pleas and lamentations, and thus took action to right the situation. Furthermore, I hope the same uncommon powers are to be found in this non-correspondance, before I am regrettably inclined to set one of the units in my building on fire, which would be obviously regretful, as the units are connected.

Dearest residents of 61 3S- I hate you. This may seem presumptuous, as we've never had the (I'm sure) pleasure of being introduced, but let me assure you that the tiny glimpses into your life I have made as your across-the-courtyard neighbours make me quite sure that I loathe you with every exhausted fibre of my being. I see you across the yard- your sparse walls, the shoddy IKEA desk shoved awkwardly beneath your alcove window, your $4 plastic lawn chairs on your porch, the nigh empty kitchen with naught but a card table. Part of my loathing comes from my familiarity with your situation- it's been less than two years since I graduated (albeit barely) undergrad, where I was intimately at home in such surroundings. I understand being poor- having recently completed my masters, and with the prospect of PhD school ahead, along with my day-to-day life as a minimum-waged barista, I know that life isn't funded by trust funds and lottery tickets for everyone. I don't need the works of the late Thomas Kinkade gracing your plaster walls.

What I do need is some goddamned quiet.

I'm not sure if you've noticed the time. Surely you haven't, for you and your friends are no doubt caught up in glorious revelry. Allow me to inform you that it is 1:16 am, Central Standard Time. Furthermore, it is a Thursday. I'm aware it is also a holiday weekend, but the holiday in question falls on a Monday.

Now, as college students, I'm sure it's easy to forget that many people in the world have 9-5 jobs, slaving away in cubicles and questioning every life choice that led them dread waking up in the morning to trudge on with their miserable existence. Don't worry, given the current job market, you're never likely to actually suffer that fate. Odds are your fate will be more similar to my own, in which you have irregular hours every week, which add up to something just shy of 35 so that you cannot receive proper benefits or a salary wage. Did I mention that your hourly wage will be in the single digits? Oh, sure, if you're lucky there might be some decimals involved, but you're definitely looking down the barrel of a gun that holds no bullet but the knowledge that your work is meaningless and that you could easily be replaced by a well-trained labradoodle or a semi-trained chimpanzee. It comforts me that you'll suffer so, because hopefully you will also have to suffer as I do now- being kept awake by an undistinguishable bass line and the hollers of drunken buffoons.

I get that drinking to excess is fun. Hell, I plan on doing so myself tomorrow. Oh, have I told you about tomorrow yet? You see, I get to, after five months of absence, reunite with my friends and colleagues from my home state. They are a lovely bunch of people, I assure you, and not so long ago we were just like you. With the distinct difference being that we lived in a college town, surrounded by other college people, who were likewise very into the whole "drinking" and "not doing anything else" thing. Though our behaviour was no doubt questionable in its own right, it had the merit of being conducted in a contained environment. I'm not sure if you're aware, but there is no college campus nearby. I'm sorry, but the local community college doesn't count. If you're looking for campus life, you'll note that we're very near the CTA Red Line, and that a short trip in either direction will take you to either DePaul University (it's off the Fullerton stop, there's a big stadium, you can't miss it) or Loyola University (It's off the imaginatively named "Loyola" stop.) Both Rogers' and Lincoln Park are appropriately accommodated for such riotous celebrations.

Uptown is not like the Parks I have just mentioned. Uptown is properly equipped for serving two specific groups of people: mid- to late- twentysomethings, just beginning their life in the big city, looking for a quiet and affordable place to start a life for themselves; and terrifying thugs looking to deal drugs and shoot their rivals. I confess these two demographics may seem somewhat at odds, but both would likely agree that a bunch of college-ages white kids listening to music that seems to be comprised entirely of the same bass line for three hours interspersed with drunk yelling is the most unsavoury and unwelcome addition to the neighbourhood.

Back to the thing about my tomorrow: I'm going "home." Not to my true home, which will always be here, despite the fact that you are destroying my happiness right now, but to the home in which I was raised (at least partially) in the suburbs of lovely Cleveland Ohio. And boy, do I have a full day ahead of me! I have to get to the airport by six, get picked up at 10EST, take my father to physical therapy, get my hair cut, and then meet my own friends for responsible, over-aged drinking. You'll not there's not a lot of down time pencilled in. Additionally, I worked the closing shift at the aforementioned craptastic job tonight, meaning I did not get home until nearly 11pm CST, when your party was already in full swing. Also, an 8 am flight means being at Midway by 6 am, which means being on the train absolutely no later than about 4:45. That is three hours and ten minutes from now, by the way.

I'm not calling 311 for several reasons. First, I suspect there is underaged drinking occurring at this soiree, and while I'm a curmudgeonly old woman at 24, I'm not completely heartless. Furthermore, I'm not actually sure if a noise ordinance would even be served, as technically you're on private property and the noise ordinance laws aren't completely clear on that front what happens. Finally, I'm convinced Chicago's finest have better things to do than yell at some stupid kids with their stupid party. For example, they could be getting those drug dealers and murderers previously alluded to.

The moral of the story here is that you should probably take the time to realise you live in a neighbourhood with real adults with real responsibilities, and you have to be respectful of that. If I moved back onto 16th in Columbus, I'd have nothing to complain about. That's a college campus- drinking and partying are expected there. No one could begrudge such behaviour, even on a weeknight. But here in the city, nowhere near a school, people have to trudge out of bed and go to work all day tomorrow. While you're sleeping off your hangover while the sun blazes down on you, they'll be squinting at a computer with their third cup of coffee. Spend just like, thirty seconds thinking about someone besides yourself, and abide by the platinum rule, which is: enjoy yourself, but don't be an asshole.

17. Earworms

Full prompt: What song was stuck in your head recently, and what were you doing at the time that made you think of it?

I have different songs stuck in my head all the time. In the past two weeks I've had Rocket Man in there a lot. I know the first time recently it got stuck in there was two weeks ago at my Tuesday morning (6am) bootcamp. We were doing sprints up the hill that overlooks the lake (the hill is sandy and it is not fun) and suddenly the song burst into my head. I then proceeded to spend all day at work singing it. Because work is terrible and we need tiny bursts of joy at times, and Elton John brings that joy.

Also yesterday I know I had Seven Devils in my head. Because Game of Thrones, obviously. Every Sunday that song gets in my head in anticipation of the week's episode. Plus that song is awesome and makes me want to go to war and fuck some shit up. There's a Game of Thrones/ Song of Ice and Fire display up at work that I pass by every time I sign in. And every time I pass it (which is at least 4 times a day) I get the intro theme song from Game of Thrones in my head. I think it and Dexter's are my favourite ever.

I suddenly realise these songs have as much in common as my love of both Game of Thrones and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Which, by the way, the season finale of the latter was last weekend, and it was FANTASTIC. Seriously, watch that shit. Also, yes, I still do recaps/reviews of GoT. So many links.

In more mundane news, I finally got new tennis shoes, which I needed at least a year ago. I guess you are supposed to need new shoes every 300-400 miles. Seeing as (for a while at least) I was running 3-5 miles a day, and that it would thus take only 100 days to need replacements, I probably actually needed them replaced by late fall of 2010. Anyway, I have a new pair now, which no doubt I will run in until they also lack cushioning and treads and also fabric covering my toes... Also I got an outfit for the various weddings I have to attend. I saved like $100 on a dress from Express, which I am pretty excited about. So, hurrah for shopping?

I work a lot this week. It's like revenge on my long weekend break. Of course, I squandered most of Saturday by being incredibly hungover, because I'm a classy broad.

Shit I forgot my life is boring.

An Open Letter (That I Wish I Could Send) To My Neighbours in 3S

Dear neighbours,

Hello there. I notice you've recently made the move to our lovely apartment complex. I'm glad the internet reviews for our landlord describing her as a "slum lord" didn't ward you off. I saw you a few weeks ago, struggling to get your many groceries into the apartment. You two are a lovely couple, I'm sure, and no doubt this little 25-30 pound beagle-ish mutt of yours really helps to round out your American Dream. To be sure, the three of you together are just pretty as a picture.

Battle Scars from the dogs

Even if just one of you is with your dog, it's quite precious. Why, just two days ago, on my way to work, I passed Mr. 3S bringing said canine in from a walk. This canine, with his floppy ears and curious manner (he let me pet him! so few dogs in this city will stand for that, which really is actually good indication of being a proper city dog) was wary but open to my advances. I love dogs, despite the fact that I was essentially mauled by a pair back in February, and I see all of them as puppies- whether a 4 month yorkie or an 11-year-old great dane. They are all puppies. I love all of them. I subscribe to r/aww and- and don't tell Reddit this- I prefer dogs to cats. 

Which is probably why, when the two of you leave this little creature home alone, I become so sad. Now, I'm not opposed to the idea of you leaving your dog home alone- it's 2012, after all, the economy is awful, and we all have to do what we can to get by. Many dogs can handle being alone for hours. For example, I have a friend who has actually litter box trained her chihuahua, so she can leave him for 8-10 hours some days when she's working her three jobs or going to school. Those of us who loves dogs can find a way to make that work- sometimes. You might notice that despite my love for domesticated animals of the canine persuasion, I do not have one of my own. Though this fact causes me much chagrin, it is for the greater good that I remain sans pup. I work god awful 9 hour shifts, putting me out of the house for at least 10.5 hours a day, my schedule isn't regular, and I don't think Barnes and Noble would be okay with an "office dog," particularly since my "office" is in the café. 

Let's get to the point- every moment you are gone, your dog whines. And I don't just mean a few whimpers here and there, I mean squealing, heart-wrenching, blood-curdling whines. It sounds like someone let Pavlov in here to cut up your dog's salivary glands for science, but he didn't anaesthetise the dog first. Also his operations run all the time without stopping. If you were home while the dog made this noise, I would have to assume that you were sick bastards, torturing it while you did odd deviant sex-things to each other. However, your absence is somewhat of a relief, in the sense that I do not believe you are deliberately tormenting your pet.

This is a friend's dog, pic stolen from facebook. 

I'm aware that keeping a dog in the city isn't easy. But you live in an apartment, and with great population density comes great responsibility. I know I can't be the only one who hears this dog, though no doubt our adjacent walls don't help. For example, right now, he/she's yipping and howling and barking all at the same time somehow. Do you keep it tied above a pool of sharks while you're gone? But there are people below you who must hear it, and I'm pretty sure it's loud enough that even those who live in the building next to ours can hear it. 

Apartments suck sometimes. 2N boxed out their apartment so hard on the day of the Great Blizzard of '11 that I'm pretty sure I had a contact high, though I was too sick to really notice. Plus once I'm pretty sure they had a porno viewing party. 1N can't even smoke nice weed, they just smoke skunky shit. Whoever lives in the single behind my roommate's room (are those numbered E/W? I don't even know) listens to weird latin-punk (is that even a thing?!) all day. But somehow, the sounds of this terrified animal are the worst of all these things. I probably wouldn't mind so much if it was a human, but dogs are nice and innocent and cuddly and adorable, so I don't want to hear that shit. 

I can hear that you're home now, and the whining has stopped. Did you even know he was whining at all? Do you have even an iota of awareness outside of your own existence? Or are you like infants, that think that once something is out of sight, it no longer exists? Your dog is sad, and it makes me sad, and I want you to fix it. Of course, I'm far too passive aggressive to actually send you a letter so frank as this one. In fact, I will probably continue to do nothing about this situation for several weeks, and should it continue, I will simply tape a short note to your door that says something to the effect of, "Your dog whines a lot when you're gone, just thought you should know." Possibly it will be even less offensive somehow. 

But I just want you to know that I hate you for having a sad dog.

Sincerely,
3N

16. Mistakes and Mulligans

Full prompt: "What was the worst mistake or decision you have ever made in life?  What could you have done differently?"

I feel like all these questions I get on this site are supposed to be thought-provoking and stir some latent emotions, but they really haven't. I feel like the more fun prompts are the random ones, and I haven't gotten to any of those yet, since we're only on 16/80 and whoever came up with them wasn't stretching yet.

The true hand-to-god answer is "none and nothing." I've made mistakes and bad decisions, but there aren't any I agonise over. There are some things I feel stupid about- saying something mean or undeserved; hurting people's feelings; being insensitive; getting on the southbound train when I need to go north- but I honestly feel like I've done pretty well with my life. Sure, maybe I should've studied harder in undergrad so I'd be able to get into a better PhD programme, but honestly I get to stay in Chicago and I'm still going to get a perfectly valuable education and pursue the career I want. I guess that's the thing I "regret" the most, but I had a blast in college, and I feel like it's always been more valuable to me to have good friends and a good time than to squander my time studying things I don't love. I'm going to be in a field I love now, so I'm less worried about academics panning out. But hopefully I'll still manage to make friends and have some good experiences along the way.

St. Patty's day always has good choices:

I have come to this conclusion many times before- I have a lot of flaws, don't get me wrong, but I'm sort of okay with who I am. I want to be more, I want to be better, but I'm also kind of lazy and I like playing videos games (aside: totes beat Skyward Sword two mornings ago!). No one gets out alive, so might as well have fun dying without speeding up the process too much. I say "too much" because I also enjoy cookies, and cookies are bad for you.

Updates in my life: had an interview at Barnes and Noble DePaul Centre today. I think it went okay, barring them deciding I'm a hideous monster hopefully I'll be able to pick up a part time stint. It was a group interview, though there were only three of us- one kid an undergrad at Columbia and another had his MFA from maybe also Columbia, but he had worked at the State St. Borders before it closed and I'm like 99% sure I recognised him. I had a Mary Kay power event after, so I was dressed extra snappy. Probably a little overkill but I felt cool.

I've been reading a lot. I had a big creative writing kick last month but it seems to have waned. That's why I could never be a real writer- I get wrapped up for a few days hardcore and then I quit, never wanting to come back to it. Thank god I didn't decide to go the writing route ever. But but but, I'm finally done with my Alcatraz reviews! And now I get to start doing the Game of Thrones ones! I think I'm sharing them with another kid, which is fine, because the episodes are pretty dense and I actually enjoy (read: love) the show, so this will keep me from getting annoyed with it. Of course, there are only 10 episodes in a season, so that's not too big of a problem. I cannot wait for Sunday.

That's about it as far as exciting tales in my life are concerned. Clearly my life is not, in fact, exciting. I'm sorry that we never really bare open my soul in this blog, partially because it's the internet and partially because I have no soul to bare.

On "The Hunger Games"

Ho-kay, so here we are. Another teenager-aimed book franchise really blowing up. Everyone and their fucking grandmother is off to see The Hunger Games this weekend. An alarming number of my friends went to see it last night at midnight.

Edit: I found this and it's awesome.

From what I can tell, they took off as books about a year ago. I think it's around the same time the movie was announced. (Why doesn't Blogger spellcheck recognise "movie" as a word? Okay, off topic, but it's weird.) Anyhoo, I remember seeing/hearing a lot of people reading them, and I confess to having no idea what they were about, and also not being terribly interested. I was reading War and Peace, there were more pressing things going on. (Pretentious douchebag title drop? Yes, please!) They weren't really on my radar too much, but I didn't worry about them. As far as popular series were concerned, I was more worried about reading the Song of Fire and Ice books because they're awesome. They're bloody and gory and violent and visceral and have an intricately woven world surrounding them. I like that. I confess to being a nerd.

I finally got around to reading these Hunger Game books at the beginning of this year. I read all three of them (even though I was warned that the second two are kind of stupid) and was more or less "meh" on them. They aren't terrible. I mean, they definitely aren't Twilight, which I think at this point we've all come to collectively agree is objectively terrible. The Hunger Games is not terrible. The books' themes and moral are solid, albeit expounded in a somewhat overly-simplistic manner. The writing is tolerable- indeed, the descriptions are vivid, which is part of why I think this book (though arguably not its successors) will translate into a movie fairly well. Katniss is a terrible protagonist; she isn't aware of the world around her in the slightest, has no curiosity about how her world came to be, and is generally shallow and self-obsessed. Yet, she's so bland this almost doesn't matter, and the loss of her first person view of the world (as is bound to happen in the movie- we'll have to see some of the stuff from other people's point of view, if only for clarity's sake) will probably enrich the film rather than make it suffer. I do at some point want to see it.

However, after last night's premier, my newsfeed started blowing the fuck up about it, and so I'm starting to resent it. Everyone seems to want to jump on the Hunger Games bandwagon. As I said, a bunch of people went to go see it, and quite a few others are either planning to see it or are frantically reading the books that they may be prepared for when it comes out. And frankly I just don't get it.

Most of my friends are over the age of 23. These books are aimed at teenagers. One friend of mine in particular was dragged along with his girlfriend, and complained the theatre was overrun with middle schoolers- der. The protagonist is 100% teenager- self-absorbed, ignorant, only cares about herself and her friends. Really, as far as Katniss is concerned, she actually manages to get worse throughout the series- at the beginning she's arguably self-absorbed just because she's concerned about being the sole caretaker of her family, since her mom went a little crazy; by the end of the series, she gives up all control of her life and acts like a martyr for a cause that she doesn't even seem to understand. Which of course means that we as the audience don't understand it very much, either.

Anyway, the first book came out in 2008, so none of the people I know were any younger than 18 or 19 when it came out. And I would be willing to bet my very paltry life savings that many of them didn't read it until the past year or so, when ther series' popularity grew. That's fine and I understand that- I basically confessed to not even knowing about SoFaI until last year when the HBO show came out, which would make me a poser in many people's eyes.

What I don't understand is why so many people who are well beyond the target audience would get so wrapped up in this book. Katniss isn't a strong character. If by some bizarre mistake I make babby (internet thing), and it was a girl, I would not want her to turn out like Katniss at all. The girl basically lets other people decide what she should do with her life for her- I understand the Games themselves were out of her control, but in the third book, when she becomes the "mockingbird," i.e. the symbol of the resistance (note: she is just a symbol; they never actually intend for her to do anything productive for the cause, nor does she seem particularly inclined to), it's because she was basically bullied into it by all the men in her life. Furthermore, her "mission" to reach President Snow is the dumbest thing possible, because 1) she wasn't even supposed to do it (again demonstrating that she has no control over the events in her life) and 2) it fails so miserably and gets everyone killed, so she would've been better off listening to "those who know best" in the first place. Maybe secretly the moral of these books was supposed to be "shut up and listen to your elders, especially the menfolk around you, because they know best." Somehow though I don't think it was.

So this book came out after any of my friends were in the target audience. What does that say about my friends who love it? That they have no literary taste? Possibly, though as I said, the books aren't terrible, they're just written for a simpler, younger audience. Most of the substance- how this dystopia came to be, the psychological impact of the Games, the thoughts and feelings of anyone besides Katniss- is glossed over at best. So are they immature? Again, possibly.

Maybe I just don't get it. Maybe at this point I've read so many other books written for adults that I simply can't take enjoyment any longer in stories written for teenagers. I re-read the Harry Potter books last year, staples of my youth that they are, in anticipation of the final instalment of the films. I confess to crying during Snape's scene in the movie (full disclosure: I was drunk) and feeling genuinely emotional while re-reading them. But those books make me feel nostalgic. I started reading them in '90s (holy shit is that true? It has to be. Oh god, why?) and grew up alongside the characters. But that's the thing- I was always the same age as they were. I started a tad younger and ended a bit older, but in general I would always have been peers with the Hogwarts crew. I know some people don't like HP (fools!), and I admit now when I read them my emotions come chiefly from nostalgia rather than true emotional connection. I mean, honestly, Harry in book 5? Get over yourself, boy.

JK's writing isn't always stellar, but she tells a good story and creates a whole world around it- Suzanne Collins let the world around Katniss suffer in order to focus on her "emotional plight," whatever that was. (What it was was that she was too self-obsessed to stop for five seconds and think of someone besides herself.) Collins' form is best when she's actually describing the Games- the setting and obstacles they confront are vivid and real and compelling- but as soon as the Games are over, she quits with the describing and focuses instead on whether or not Katniss likes Peeta (spoiler: she doesn't, but he likes her through and through so they end up together anyway) or Gale (spoiler: she does, but Collins turns him into a doucher by the end so that we're supposed to be happy she gets Peeta instead.)

I get that shitty books get popular sometimes. Twilight is an obvious example, but I don't think many people would argue that those books have a higher objective, they're just shitty romance novels. I honestly have no idea what makes Twilight so much more unique than any other trashy romance serial, but whatever, romance novels aren't my thing, and the Twilight hatred has been played out, so I'm through even bothering with that. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo books had terrible writing and plot structure, but the core mysteries were intriguing, so I guess I see why people liked them. Again, on that front, I've never been into mysteries or thrillers, so they aren't my forte.

You know what is my forte? Dystopian future. I eat that shit for breakfast. There's a reason 1984 has been my favourite book since I was 16. Because I love me some bleak outlooks and some apocalypses. The Hunger Games fall into this category, so I feel qualified to actually judge them. And they have been judged. And they have been found wanting.

15. Your First Kiss

Full question: "Write about your first kiss.  Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be?"

This question is stupid. I kissed some kid in his basement. ROMANCE! INTRIGUE! DRAMA!

I'm kidding. Not about the first kiss, but about the romance, intrigue, and drama.

Apparently I started this but didn't finish (that's what she said). And since I think it's dumb anyway, I'm not going to finish writing it.

But here's my bread I made:

It tastes all right, a little sweeter than I would've liked, and it should've risen more. Stupid yeast, you should be used only for two-hybrid systems!

Well Dang

So I haven't written in here for a while now. And no one reads this, so it's really okay that I abandon it for long periods of time. But I feel like I need to keep up with my writing practice, since I actually sort of a little bit write for real now. Okay, I don't think spending a few hours a week ranting about how much I hate JJ Abrams counts as "writing," but it is appropriately cathartic.

I do reviews now for this show Alcatraz, which is terrible, don't watch it. Okay, it's not terrible, but it's a pretty blatant rip off of Lost, and when you're ripping off your own show it's not like there's going to be anything new or exciting. I thought I was going to be doing Grimm when I signed up for this, but alas, I've re-entered my abusive relationship with Mr. Abrams, only this time I know his game. I'm not falling for it again. Anyway, the show's on tonight, but for some reason our cable antenna doesn't get Fox (Yet it gets about 50 Spanish channels and Al Jazeera) so I have to wait to watch it on Hulu tomorrow. You can read the most recent here.

Presently I'm baking bread. Not Breaking Bad, which would be cool, for the money thing, but probably bad, because I don't think I'd be very good at being a criminal. I'm not good at lying and I like talking about myself too much. Also, it seems I'm actually not very good at baking bread, either, since I can never get the stuff to rise. It expanded a little compared to how it was (the first time I tried it, nothing happened, and I baked it anyway, giving rise [or not- * cymbals *] to the densest bread ever) but not as much as it was supposed to. Also I don't have bread pans, which doesn't help anything.

Other things going on in my life: I'm slowly and steadily getting denied from PhD schools, since as my professor told me (too late) that I applied to schools above and beyond my reach. I did get an interview at UIC this Friday, so hopefully that goes well- I got a snazzy new skirt for it, only to realise I probably need black heels that don't make me look like a hooker. Also I agreed to take care of my friend's dogs (pictured), who, while adorable, are also evil. But did I mention adorable? Look at them all snuggly in their zebra blanket together! The best part is, Riley (dalmation) usually freaks out when Chase (pitt/boxer) tries to lay on him like that. But they were all adorable for a whole hour! Before I stood up to leave and put on my coat and they thought they were going with me.

Finally in the world of me, I've decided to become a Mary Kay salesperson. I think we're called directors or something. I haven't gone to orientation with, so I'm not really sure about the details of everything here. But I don't know, I agreed to do it because I have literally nothing else going on in my life right now- I'm done with school, most of my friends in town are busy, I continue to be unemployed, and I don't really have any other attachments going on. Plus I went to an informational meeting last week, and all the ladies there just seemed to have their shit together. They were all dressed so nicely, and so enthusiastic, and really nice (I admit I was sceptical of their nice-ocity, since I don't trust nice people, but it seemed pretty genuine.) and I just want to walk around, giving off the air that I have my life in

order and it's working for me. Of course, we all know I actually do not, but hey, maybe with enough make up I can trick the entire world. Also I hope it makes me at least marginally better at interacting with human beings.

In conclusion, I'm doing my best to embrace my current life of in-between-ness, in which I don't have a definitely plan. I feel like that lab in a lab. Hur hur. So, I guess in review: I'm writing for a website, I'm trying to cook more (despite having no income), I do at least have one interview at a school, and I am going to try to evolve as a person by becoming a salesperson. Yeah, we'll see where this goes. Hey, at least I'm living in my favourite city in the world!

I'll update you guys on how the bread turns out.

14. What do you want to do but haven't?

Full question: Name one thing you always wanted to do, but haven’t.  What has prevented you from doing it?

Okay so I guess we can maybe see why I thought it was stupid to do the Robert Frost poem. This question is so similar. So yeah, that's why I went with the literal interpretation of the previous question.

Anyway, I suppose it's as good a time as any to ask this question because I literally just finished school. Maybe forever. Hopefully not. I'm aiming to get my PhD Like A Boss, and so that people can call me "Doctor." Right now I'm only qualified to be called "Master," which is the exact opposite (Yeah, Doctor Who reference, what the fuck is up?)

Honestly, maybe there's some stupid stuff I haven't done, but I'm more or less on track with my life. It's not perfect, but it's all right. I guess maybe I would like to write a book. I like writing but I lack the focus/determination/creativity to actually put together a whole novel. I was going to maybe try NanoWriMo, but November is literally the worst possible month to make a challenge like that. Maybe I'll make my own NanoWriMo during my (hopefully brief) unemployment come January. I mean, technically I'm unemployed now, but I'm not going to find anything at this point, so I'm waiting until the holidays are over. Jen's wedding is this weekend! I'm excited, there will be drinking and dancing and David Bowie!

Despite my inability to write a whole novel, I'm going to take this time to share with you a story about my day. Please don't tell Susan, it's going to be her Christmas surprise.

This all starts really in September. My father decided to finally get mother a new laptop like she's wanted for about three years now. Her present model is a Sony Viao; 20", something like a 80GB harddrive (even mine is 150, though most of that is consumed at this point...), weighs a pile, and of course my parents have like six anti-virus programs installed. So he asked me for suggestions. I found a few good ones- some were as cheap as the upper $200s for decent specs. Well fast forward to the week before Thanksgiving, when I call to ask if he ever got around to that and his answer was, "Oh, I thought you were doing that?" My face when: -_-

So not that prices are jacked up, I begin a search. Bobby lent me some ideas, namely to look for an i3 processor at least, which is a bit over doing it for mother, but she's probably going to have to use this for another six years again, so it's just as well.

After much time spent on Amazon.com, newegg.com, and slickdeals, I finally found this ridiculous deal for a $450 i5 Asus computer at Best Buy. It wasn't even on sale- that was the normal price. Most of the i3s even on Amazon were at least $125-150 more. So I was pretty stoked. I immediately jumped on it, opting for store pick-up at the Clark St locale, which said they had it (there was no shipping available). Half an hour later (this was all at like 6:30 am on Cyber Monday btw) they emailed me and said basically, "psyyyych we lied. Call customer service!" So I went to work and did just that. After an hour on hold, listening to a terrible tinny rendition of Jingle Bells, I managed to put it on backorder. The lady didn't know anything about it, so I just crossed my fingers that they'd get it.

Well a few days ago I get an email that's like, "we're gonna go cancel that unless you call." So I called again (thankfully I called later at night and wasn't on hold for very long) and they just extended the backorder. Meanwhile, the girl on the phone that night was actually useful and called a few stores, and they told her apparently it was a new item and didn't actually exist yet?

At this point I went to the store and decided to just ask them what the hell was going on. The girl at the store had no more idea than anyone else, though, so it was sort of a waste of a trip. That was yesterday. Now obvs, I'm getting a tad nervioso because I'm supposed to get this to Susan for Christmas.

Today, literally as soon as I got on the train after my final, Bobby sends me an email with a new deal. This is a Lenovo i3 for only $380. And I checked the site and it said it DEFINITELY existed at Best Buy on North Ave. SCORE! I hopped on the express (forgetting that sedgewick isn't that close to Clyborne...) and ran to the store. I talked to an actually helpful person (yay Faye, who actually sort of reminded me of the Faye from questionable content ) and she searched for the computer in the inventory aaaand.... nothing. What. The. Hell.

So I had her look at the Ohio (Cleveland/Columbus) and Indianapolis stores, seeing as I'll be in all those cities over the next 4 days. They had it at Strongsville, which is literally on my journey I shall be driving on Friday, so I told her to go ahead and book it there. While she attempted to do that, they wouldn't let her put a hold on it. She couldn't figure out why, until the inventory from the North Ave store showed that it existed. As in, the same inventory that said '0' ten minutes earlier. I know. She showed me.

Well so she checked the back of the store and there it was! Somehow the inventory wasn't updated. Awesome. So I bought this cheaper one, and then had her cancel the other one I'd ordered. And of course, wouldn't you know, it's now in the warehouse. So I have to go to the Clark Store and ask them to return it basically. So it was one big clusterfuck. BUT I have the cheaper computer in my posession, and it shouldn't be a big deal to just return the computer once it actually shows up in the Clark inventory (it's still in Warehouse right now, so they can't do anything about it). So I guess we had a happy ending, but still. Best Buy. Get your inventory online lined up with what's really happening. Shit, man.

The best part was, I got on the red line to go home and for some reason got on the 95th train at North/Clyborne. Literally the second we started leaving the station I was like, "Ummmmmm I'm going the wrong way, aren't I?"

That was a long pointless story. I apologise, but it's just been such an ordeal and I'm sort of proud of the deal I got so there ya go.

Meanwhile, I'm debating if I'm hood enough to see Childish Gambino by myself in March.

Oh and also I'm officially done with my Master's degree, barring major exam failure. So, um, yay? Is Starbucks hiring?