Today has been a very sombering day. We learned in homeroom that a senior from ed's, Alex McCann, died in his sleep last night. It put a very depressing mood on the whole day, and consequently it was one of those "sit back and ponder" type of days. Several people are in shock, a few who are dear friends of mine. It's one of those lousy things that you can't really do anything about. You can say, "I'm sorry," but that doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sudden death like this is really pretty scary. It reminds us that people can just disappear on us without warning. Which is depressing really. And it's not surprising those close to him are in shock, as no one really saw it coming.
The interesting thing about this all is that a lot of people just met him yesterday at the girl-guy dialogue at St. Ed's. Sort of an amazing coincidence that about 25 people who never knew him before yesterday met him. Took pictures. And before these pictures are even developed, he's gone. Makes you wonder. Coincedence or fate. Such a fine line between the two.
Then I hung out tonight with Katey and Brita. That was fun. But also sort of one of those "sit around and discuss" type things. Which are always very productive and interesting, especially as I never see them, save for my Qdoba Friday's.
Another intersting anecdote of the day is the accident I was delayed by. Left school at 3:25 and got home at 4:05. Please mind you, my trip usually takes seven minutes. But I enjoyed the tune of sandstorm (which I aptly re-named "snowstorm" in my head. I know, I'm a tool) during the wait, and made some texts, and whatnot.
OKay I"m having pain spazms so I'm going to go now.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
::Techno Dance Beat::
Right now I'm listening to Syd's techno mix, and it's about the only thing keeping me from shooting myself in the face. Sandstorm is on, which always brings a bit of cheer to the lowly.
Mother coerced me into shopping today. At first I was like, "sure I'll go," until I realised that Lost was on soon (that's because our family is gay and eats at like eight o'clock, so I have no concept of time) and I really would rather watch Lost than go shopping. Mother was like, "just tape it, we'll go shopping," in that you-had-better-come-with-me guilt voice. So fine. I went with her. I tried to be civil, I really did, but I don't really like shopping anyway, let alone when I'm missing my favourite show. Not to mention, there was nothing worthwhile to get. The shoe selection? Disaster. I was pissed.
I've come to the conclusion that I've sort of lost the holiday spirit. I attempted to listen to Christmas music, and I couldn't really do it. Decorations make me angry (particularly the Simons' house, which is basically Holiday Haven, and makes me want to slit my wrists on behalf of their perfect, stereotypical suburban lawn). I don't feel like getting gifts- or recieving them, for that matter. Of course, I want a digital camera and Lost: Season 1 on DVD, but that's what birthdays are for. And my birthday is coming up.
I used to love christmas music. I would listen to my Disney Christmas tape (yes, this was before the era of CDs) 24/7 during the holidays, and once in a while during summer, as well. But now I can't even listen to music without wanting to gag.
I'm not really sure what it is about the holidays that make me so... Scrooge-y. Perhaps it's the couples- there are always more couples around the holidays. This doesn't actually make me angry so much as in I want to be a part of a couple, but it is a sort of downside to be reminded constantly that you are incapeable of being paired off.
FUCK AND NOW SYD'S CD DIED ON ME.
Now I'm just angry.
Anyway, yes. Perhaps it's the couples. Perhaps it is the fact that I rather dislike shopping, especially with people. I mean, give me a few bucks, and I'll buy a few things for myself. And I really mean a few, I'm not one of those people who goes out and spends money like it's my job. (::cough:: syd::cough::) Perhaps it's the fact that no one really knows what the season is about anymore- actually, no, that's not it, I don't give a rat's ass about the birht of Jesus crap. Perhaps it's the family concept. I hate family-oriented things, and holidays are number one family-oriented hell, in my mind. I'm not really sure what it is, but my enjoyment of the holidays has really taken a downward spiral in the last few years. It's depressing, really. I used to love holidays. I still like my birthday, but that has the unfortunate connotation of holiday. Maybe when I go to college, I'll lie and tell all my friends my birthday is.... October 11th? Yeah, I like that day. No one will know the difference, right?
I wish I could feel spirity. I'm not even emo, I just don't feel like one should when Christmas rolls around. I know a trip to Crocker Park would cheer me a bit, though not the shopping aspect. More like the walking around in the glory and splendor of the lights. That would help.
You know, it will be really nice to get away to Spain for a while. Get away from school, family, and even friends. I feel like I've been in this same environment for far too long. It no longer stimulates me properly. It is all just the same stuff, day after day.
Stupid funks. I wish I weren't emo so often. Except I'm not even emo right now, I'm... apathetic. Kind of angry at the world really. I suppose that's a bit more of a punk-rawk attitude, eh? Now I'm jsut being mean to innocent people who don't deserve meanness. I am a horrible person.
Fuck.
Mother coerced me into shopping today. At first I was like, "sure I'll go," until I realised that Lost was on soon (that's because our family is gay and eats at like eight o'clock, so I have no concept of time) and I really would rather watch Lost than go shopping. Mother was like, "just tape it, we'll go shopping," in that you-had-better-come-with-me guilt voice. So fine. I went with her. I tried to be civil, I really did, but I don't really like shopping anyway, let alone when I'm missing my favourite show. Not to mention, there was nothing worthwhile to get. The shoe selection? Disaster. I was pissed.
I've come to the conclusion that I've sort of lost the holiday spirit. I attempted to listen to Christmas music, and I couldn't really do it. Decorations make me angry (particularly the Simons' house, which is basically Holiday Haven, and makes me want to slit my wrists on behalf of their perfect, stereotypical suburban lawn). I don't feel like getting gifts- or recieving them, for that matter. Of course, I want a digital camera and Lost: Season 1 on DVD, but that's what birthdays are for. And my birthday is coming up.
I used to love christmas music. I would listen to my Disney Christmas tape (yes, this was before the era of CDs) 24/7 during the holidays, and once in a while during summer, as well. But now I can't even listen to music without wanting to gag.
I'm not really sure what it is about the holidays that make me so... Scrooge-y. Perhaps it's the couples- there are always more couples around the holidays. This doesn't actually make me angry so much as in I want to be a part of a couple, but it is a sort of downside to be reminded constantly that you are incapeable of being paired off.
FUCK AND NOW SYD'S CD DIED ON ME.
Now I'm just angry.
Anyway, yes. Perhaps it's the couples. Perhaps it is the fact that I rather dislike shopping, especially with people. I mean, give me a few bucks, and I'll buy a few things for myself. And I really mean a few, I'm not one of those people who goes out and spends money like it's my job. (::cough:: syd::cough::) Perhaps it's the fact that no one really knows what the season is about anymore- actually, no, that's not it, I don't give a rat's ass about the birht of Jesus crap. Perhaps it's the family concept. I hate family-oriented things, and holidays are number one family-oriented hell, in my mind. I'm not really sure what it is, but my enjoyment of the holidays has really taken a downward spiral in the last few years. It's depressing, really. I used to love holidays. I still like my birthday, but that has the unfortunate connotation of holiday. Maybe when I go to college, I'll lie and tell all my friends my birthday is.... October 11th? Yeah, I like that day. No one will know the difference, right?
I wish I could feel spirity. I'm not even emo, I just don't feel like one should when Christmas rolls around. I know a trip to Crocker Park would cheer me a bit, though not the shopping aspect. More like the walking around in the glory and splendor of the lights. That would help.
You know, it will be really nice to get away to Spain for a while. Get away from school, family, and even friends. I feel like I've been in this same environment for far too long. It no longer stimulates me properly. It is all just the same stuff, day after day.
Stupid funks. I wish I weren't emo so often. Except I'm not even emo right now, I'm... apathetic. Kind of angry at the world really. I suppose that's a bit more of a punk-rawk attitude, eh? Now I'm jsut being mean to innocent people who don't deserve meanness. I am a horrible person.
Fuck.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Aimless
Let's all ask the really relavent question here: Why the hell am I awake? It's a quarter to three in the morning (mind you my alarm is set to go off in two hours, though I might change that, as I managed to finidh my history already.
I haven't slept right in days and days. Maybe if I didn't sleep during the day, I'd be okay. But I only sleep for like two hours, so why on earth am I awake anyway? Bahh. I tried soothing myself down with Death Cab, but at this hour, it seems as though I simply cannot be calm. Right about now I'd like to go out running or something. Hacer some ejercicio or something. I don't have any more homeowork to do, well, nothing worth doing anyway. I guess I could read Anna, but it's in my car, and if I turn off the alarm, it makes that annoying beep and the parents arise, and they start asking questions. And stats, well, fuck that.
In repaso, Thanksgiving was decent. Wednesday was a snowy day of joy, Thursday was long and tedious, but you knwo about that. Friday was... tiring. But I saw Pride and Prejudice, which was long, but good enough. Saturday was cool because Shani got back and we watched SNL as usual... speaking of which, Dane Cook will be on Saturday and I'm super stoked. Sunday was the surprise party I was nominated to hold. And today I went to Beachwood with Elizabeth.
Hmm so yeah. I pretty much did nothing this break.
Death Cab is so... nice.
Um, let's see. I think I'll paint my nails.
I haven't slept right in days and days. Maybe if I didn't sleep during the day, I'd be okay. But I only sleep for like two hours, so why on earth am I awake anyway? Bahh. I tried soothing myself down with Death Cab, but at this hour, it seems as though I simply cannot be calm. Right about now I'd like to go out running or something. Hacer some ejercicio or something. I don't have any more homeowork to do, well, nothing worth doing anyway. I guess I could read Anna, but it's in my car, and if I turn off the alarm, it makes that annoying beep and the parents arise, and they start asking questions. And stats, well, fuck that.
In repaso, Thanksgiving was decent. Wednesday was a snowy day of joy, Thursday was long and tedious, but you knwo about that. Friday was... tiring. But I saw Pride and Prejudice, which was long, but good enough. Saturday was cool because Shani got back and we watched SNL as usual... speaking of which, Dane Cook will be on Saturday and I'm super stoked. Sunday was the surprise party I was nominated to hold. And today I went to Beachwood with Elizabeth.
Hmm so yeah. I pretty much did nothing this break.
Death Cab is so... nice.
Um, let's see. I think I'll paint my nails.