Saturday, May 28, 2005

But I Can't Wait Forever

Yes, Hawthorne Heights is rolling around in my head. I just got home from work- I found chocolate on my stomach. How in the hell did chocolate get on my stomach is what I would like to know. But I do not. And that's semi-disturbing.

A lot of things are drawing to a nice close. My employment at hell is almost through- that's so awesome, I can't even describe it to you. And junior freaking year is almost done- like I'm going to be a senior soon. That is so amazing. There is no way I feel like a senior, but then again, how can I really know how a senior feels, if I've never been one? Hoorah for unanswerable rhetorical questions.

Yesterday I experiences Star Wars. That was kind of fun. The movie was unnecesarily long- you know, maybe if people didn't take two hours to say a sentence, we could have been free sooner. And they ended it too much. But the thing that really bothered me? Natalie Portman's hair. Danishes simply should not be a fashion statement. The thing that definately didn't bother me? Hayden Christenson. Heck yes. Shirtless. To the max.

Huh, well. I visited Shannon today, bearing muffins, of course. We chillaxed to the max, it was nice, no hurries no worries, and all of that. I do not know what I'd do without her. She is my muse. Well, I have many muses, but then again, so did the Greeks, and they all did pretty well for themselves. But for real, she's the best. (along with the famous blueberry muffins, of course)

Funny. You search and search to find the perfect words. But the perfect ones are your own. The ones you'll never say.

Kristen and I now have a thing for fortune cookies. Today we wanted to read a fortune, but no one wanted the cookie, so we smashed it open with a tray and read the fortune. Of course it was necessary to add the words "in bed" to it.

Well, I'm off. Here's to new things. ::cheers::

Thursday, May 26, 2005

I know what it feels like to have a voice in the back of my head


You know. I really hate school and I’m sick of being here. And it’s probably dangerous for me to be typing something in preparation for blogging, but I just do not care.

I’m in the RC right now, and I’m trying to do research on social psychology, because I’m a dork and I think the study of group dynamics is interesting, though obviously not interesting enough to actually pay attention to for more than half an hour. But hey, that’s pretty good.

I would like to point out that these laptops in the RC are nothing but huge obnoxious pieces of crap. I mean, we fork over like a billion dollars in tuition so they can buy us these four-year-old Toshibas with windows 2000? Hell. They are Pentium threes. Not that I’m a computer nerd or anything, but I know what works and what doesn’t. Come on- is it so much to ask for a little XP in here? And maybe a keyboard that doesn’t cause you to hit like six million extra keys when you go to type.

I’m getting carpal tunnel syndrome.

OMG! So yesterday I decided to ride my bike around, and I went through Clague Park in order to enjoy the wonder of a swing set, but alas, there was a cook out of some sort going on, and no free swings. So I went and meandered for a bit, and then decided to go to Kristen’s. So I got there, and commanded her to take me to a swing set, and we went swinging!! Yeah, it was super fun and you’re jealous, there’s no use in lying about it.

Then of course, the Lost season finale was on. Such an excellent show. Don’t know what I’d do without it. Two hours of tension and pain, and alas, no end. But that’s okay, because now I’m just in horrible anticipation for season two. And naturally I have decided to buy season one on DVD. They’ll release it, right? I do hope so. I shall purchase it.

So I am sitting here, basically staring around at nothing. Katie here has many, many rings. I want one of those colada rings. Um. That’s not how it’s spelled. Sorry I’m not proficient in the ways of Gaelic. But yes, I believe they are fun, and even though it is conformist like because many people have them, I still want one. However, Caitlin once told me you are not supposed to buy it for yourself, it’s like bad luck or something, you’re supposed to get it from someone who cares about you. So I guess I will make mother buy me one- one of these days. I like shiny things.

Well, class is drawing to a close. I might blog later. Aye. Avast.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Smells Like Sex and Candy

It watches everything...

Haha, I actually do smell like "sex". It is Mary's most alluring and wonderful bath and bodyworks lotion, which I moisturised with only about half an hour ago. The smell is still going strong. And candy. Well. It's semi-permanent with employment at malley's. Whatever.

I plan to soon leave for a nice run to Clague park, where I have every intention of going on the swings. I like swings. Still. Yes.

Today was pretty nice. I managed to stay awake through most of it, though there was definate drifting in both precalc and psych. However, pre-calc I perked up in, and now understand how to set up the problems that we're doing! I love actually understanding that class, which rarely happens. It makes me feel like I may have a future.

Do you ever want to throttle someone? Like just grab them and shake them and tell them what they should already know? Well, okay, I totally grabbed Kristen today and shook her, but she already knew the truth. I jsut had to make sure it was as well-iterated as possible. EmpAsis you know? But nay, there are other times when the other person (or people) don't know. That's just irritating. How blatant do you have to be?

Um, okay. My comments aren't working on this computer, and this is angering me. They won't show up, so no one can leave me tidbits of wisdom. That makes me kind of sad.

Then again, no one really reads this, so I don't suppose it's that much of a loss. I guess if anyone really really has something to tell me, myspace would accomadate itself.

Besides the Lost season finale, there's not too much going on. I'm pretty stoked about that, though. And I have to talk my mother into letting me go to Dayton Friday to see Sean's v-ball game. That would be sweet, if we pull it off.

Um, okay. Good night.

Or.... afternoon?

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Hope Dangles on a String

I'm kind of angry right now. There are people in my backyard, rolling around in their buldozers (and yeah, they're actually bulldozers- unlike those other things I can't htink of the name of) uprooting all of my favourite and lovely weeds. I konw, that's strange. I like the weeds. But they are always so green and lush, and in the late spring (or summer, the way the warmth is going) they get these pretty pink flowers on them that I like much. Mrs. Handley says there's no such thing as a weed, and I'd have to say I agree with her.

Ack. I am such a bio geek.

Well, anyway, I sit here muching on my trail mix and being angry at those who destroy natural beauty. I mean, I'm all for technological advancements- honestly, God knows what I'd do without my iPod.... but is it so bad to sit back and remember that everything has to come from somewhere? Everything starts out natural- no matter how synthetic we try to make it. Well, except spam. I don't know where they get that stuff, but it isn't earth.

I would have had a lot of homework tonight, but fortunately I have a theology teacher that likes me and allows me to do my online research in the middle of her class (in all fairness we were reading, and I finished the book last friday) so all I have left is a short little bio summary, which I might procrastinate with until tomorrow. I am loving this whole "classes winding down" thing. It's very very nice to be free of the opression of school. I only have to take three finals, so that's nice. Of course, I will probably fail those three, but we're not thinking that far ahead. Gotta keep living one day at a time.

Do you ever wonder what people say or think of you when you're not around? For the most part, it's probably a good thing you don't hear it- I mean, they say it when you're not around for a reason. But not everyone says bad things about people behind their backs- look at Katie and Kristen, who talk about kerriann all the time. They've never said a single bad thing. So it's not like I think everyone is plotting a conpiracy against me behind my back. I just sometimes would like to know exactly how others feel about me. For example, in Brit Lit today, I walked in and immediately Tina said, "hey, what about Stef?" and Lyla was like "oh, she's already on the list" and Christina said, "yeah I know I told you her right away". Sorry, but that experience will disorient you at first. Turns out they were making a list of people in our grade who haven't "experamented with drugs or alcohol" and they only got seventeen. So, whoo-hoo, I'm a minority. However, I can't say I really mind being in this minority. I think it's just evidence of you insecurity about yourself when you have to find yourself in the majority to feel safe. Yes Lyla, that's directed at you. But I love you anyway. Sort of. And not like that.

But I guess I just have to hold out hope that most people (note the word "most") like me and don't really think about me unless I'm in their immediate presence. And if for whatever reason I stumble across their mind at some other time, they just think "oh, yeah, whatever" and move on.

Except I know that's not true. I mean, I have close friends. And while I'm sure I'm not on their minds all the time, closer friends think of you more- I mean, obviously, if you spend a lot of time with someone, you'll know about them more and associate more things with them- because I know I think about my friends a lot, in good ways, of course. Oh, well, I just have to keep believing that I have real friends, and that people don't just pretend to like me (which happens to people, some I know of, which is sad, but it's okay, they're in denial about it) and that I have no reason to be emo.

Anyhoo. Today I had to do a skit with Spi where I pretended to be skitzo and she was the voice in my head. She basically convinced me to commit suicide (no, this is not a cry for help, it was just a dramatic portrayal of a psychological problem) by saying I could fly out a window. The fact that Spi can do creepy schitzo voices really well and that I can act like a crazed loon quite convincingly (gee, I wonder why) combined forces to make our skit terrifying to our classmates- and I'm not even joking, Gabi and Shannon were both like "that was freaky" and Mr. Phillips didn't even have to correct everything (which he usually does, he's a liberal like that) (not that I'm a lib or a conservative, I just like to ridicule mr. P) so now basically I expect everyone in that class to think me more of a freak than they already do, as I am usually scribbling in my journal at the time.

Well anyway. i had a song to put in here earlier, and I cannot, for the life of me, remember it. I hate that.

Well. I bid thee (even though no one reads this, except when katie occasionally stumbles upon it) all adeiu.

Monday, May 23, 2005

I Don't Think That You Know What You've Been Missing

Okay, can anyone tell me what a lush is? Because tbs uses it in all their songs, and it pisses me off, because I don't know the true definition of it, besides the fact that it is evidently a bad thing.

Well, anyway. Today has been a really really good day. Don't you love just having a good random day? It's so self-esteem boosting. I'm in a great mood, and it energizes me. Enough, in fact, to bike ride to Sean's house (with a quick stop by Kristen's) from mine own. Yeah, how sweet am I? All that far just to tell him he's it. I just mapquested it, because I have no life and I wanted to. 11.89 miles. Shoot, that's the highway. Okay, 8.91 miles, but it's not the route I took. Well, whatever. It was a lot of miles for me to be biking. Thank god I was too lazy to run. I might have died. That would have sucked.

Anyway, today was fun because I'm a nerd and I went to see bodyworks at the Great Lakes Science museum. It was actually pretty cool, albeit a bit odd. But I got to hang out with my favourite kristen and my favourite kate, so that was a blast (even if the damn assholes ate Kate's chocolate and fruit snacks)

Fuck. I'm it again.

Anyway. So yeah, we sat out on the harbour between the rock hall and the science centre and took pictures and filmed strange video. We also wrote my name in cogs, which will soon be a myspace picture, no worries. But yeah. It was fun. Then we got back super early, and so we basically had an entire free mod, during which we acted like five year olds, writing eachother notes and wadding them up and throwing them at each other, then playing some good old fashioned games of MASH. Yeah. I don't appreciate Kristen and Katie's MASH game for me. At all.

Oddly enough, tonight my male parental unit is seeing some sort of healing doctor. I haven't bothered mentioning to him that it's a load of bullox. I think it would be sort of a downer. Plus, you never know, it could be like Mr. Phillips tells us, and the power of the mind could take over, and lead him to be mislead in the fact that he is healed. Although, I would rather he just quit smoking than be healed. That would rock, I wouldn't smell like all the other drug addicts at our school.

Today was also fun because Shannon sent me an E-mail that I have long awaited for.

I supposed it started well with the veiwing of the SAT scores. Whoo-hoo, I may actually get into college!

Anyway. I will leave you with this parting song for the fun of it, as it was what kristen and I heard in the car on the way back:

rape me
rape me my friend
rape me
rape me again

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Your Disastor

Hmmm hello. I am here to talk to you. Lalala. Okay actually I am, as usual bored. My hair is washed, smelling keply, and ready to go. I need to chagne my clothes still, but besides that, I'm all prepared to go to Applebee's for the third time this weekend (and 2nd time in 14 hours) to officially celebrate the birthday of Sean. So I'm here killing time and procrastinating on Silas Marner. Which is not an interesting book. Don't let doc wilson mislead you.

Yesterday, of course, went to Cedar Point. That was pretty fun. I almost died. But it had nothing to do with Cedar Point itself, it actually more or less pertained to the fact that I was driven there by one Brian Moran, who managed to make the trip from my house to Cedar Point in thirty five minutes. That's just not normal. But anyway. Got those good rides in- some Magnum, some Millenium, a little of that new Max Air thing... you know, the usual. Lines were nice enough in the morning but pretty much sucked by the midday. We left after our fast pass for the 5-6 Magnum was used, and I wound up here, in my house, a place I often end up when there's nothing else to do. Elizabeth/ "The Group" invited me to see a movie or whatever they were doing (they didn't see a movie, if anyone cares. They actually wound up at....... Applebee's. But I did, too. Just not with them) but I don't see movies because I'm a cheap miser. And I don't htink they are worth 8.50. (although I'm not opposed to 5.50 movies at amc- and I'm even less opposed to 3.50ones at the Detroit) So I messed around online until Sean came on, and we were like "bored? why wait? go to Malley's" and Scott came on and I invted him along for the party, so we basically sat up at Malley's entertaining Kristen (/doing her job.. you know... not that I wasn't getting paid or anything) and then... you guessed it. We met Katie and Ryan at Applebee's.

That was jsut for those of you curious about my day.

today I attempted to do my brit lit reading, due tuesday (pg 28... w00 h00!) but that didn't work out because my neighbour's dog kind of bolted through, and I had to catch it and put her in their nice fenced in yard. Until I realised that the builders knocked down the fence, and so she could get out in like 328573 different places. So I gave up and started reading in my neighbour's backyard. Then I gave that up as well and started swinging on their swings. Basically it was a blast. I wish I had a swingset. bummer.

Maybe I could build one. All you need is some wood and a rope and a tall tree, right?

Right. Well.

Okay well. I should get going. I have to leave in half an hour. My hair is frizzy. Oh well, that's the price you have to pay for some fun on the swing set.