Castaways and Cutouts

So today just really really sucks. Well, no, no it doesn't. The day was fine. Last night we went to Panini's and expressed ourselves through the art of dance. And I actually got some sleep today, and I went to Calculus and paid even more attention than Nate did, and then I got to start my volunteering stint at the OSU med centre. It was actually pretty okay, I mean, just celrical stuffs, but I didn't mind it, it kept me busy. After I was so tired I got my sleep on. But once I woke up, the day just went downhill. I mean I like went to Marketplace and got foodstuffs or whatever, but I don't know. I guess I didn't realize it, but things are pretty empty. Seeing as I spend Sunday-Thursday working my ass off to not fail out of school, I guess I don't notice, and I've been trying to distract myself on the weekends. But toinght was slow, I didn't do much but watch Office Space, and so I guess I got to thinking too much. Things always go poorly when I think a lot.

I mean I guess it's not that my life is boring- though it's not really thrilling, either. But I keep busy, so that's not really a problem. It's more like sometimes there's something missing. Which, you know, is my own fault for being retarded, and usually I can deal with it, but I got to thinking (as I said) and I dunno. Maybe I'm not okay with it. I will clearly get over it. But I shouldn't be so mean to people. Granted, maybe logically the things I do are better in the long run, and I don't know if I regret what happens so much as I regret how they happened.

I guess there's really no point in speculating about the past, but sometimes, on chilly spring evenings when I should be having fun and enjoying life, I'm not, and I wonder why, and I realize it's my own fault, and I wonder if I'll change and I realize I won't.

I'm so fucking emo, don't be so jealousorz.

You know, everyone else is talking about how they are looking forward to summer so much. I'm not. My summer won't be so fun. I'm taking classes (if I ever freaking sign up) and working all the days and really, I love my friends usually, but they haven't been around and I guess I feel like I'm drifting away from them, whcih sucks, but hey, it happens. Last summer was good, no, awesome, but I can't relive it. I wouldn't want to. Everyone's changed so much, I guess that's what happens after a year of college. I would say I miss it, but that's not entirely true. I wouldn't re-do it. It's a good memory, but sometimes you just have to know when to move on.