Barbed-Wire Noose

I hate myself I hate myself lalalala I hate myself and no one cares and no one should but i'm so emo right now lalala

I cannot even handle myself right now. I feel so sick, and I feel like everything else in my life is being shot to hell. I feel like I'm destroying myself. I haven't made ANY progress on my stupid apps, because everytime I try to I feel overwhelmed. I have missed all this school from being sick, and thus have tonnes of make-up work to do, not to mention a history paper I don't even know where to begin with. (It's about art and architecture. Come on. How unfair is that?) On top of this, I feel like everyone has a perfect social life except for me, which is gay, no one has a perfect social life (unless you're those people where there are only two people in your whole life, yourself and someone else, and you're so absorbed in each other you don't respect anyone around you) but I feel like I never get to do the things I want to do, and everyone around me gets to do them instead. Like I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And to top it all off, I feel like no one cares. Well that's not true, I know a few people who care. I know lots of people who will say they care, but I kind of doubt it. It's all good and well to say you feel empathy, but few poeple have ever actually shown it to me. Which is why I would like to take the time to thank Shannon, who always listens to me vent, and always has ideas or whatever to make things better, and who never pretends that I"m not my own enemy and that I"m making things up. Thank you shanni, since I know you feel underappreciated, too.

And I do feel underappreciated, a thought which disgusts me as much as I'm sure it disgusts you. But it still comes. I feel like I do tonnes for everyone else, but if I really want something, no one else is helping me out. I need to come to terms with the fact I can't do everything on my own. It's just not possible. But everytime I say that to myself, everytime I remember that fact, I have something else to do. I take responsibility for things I have no business being responsible for. And usually I like it. But sometimes it's just too much.

Fuck. I don't know.