You Know It's Sad

Ack. 1 am. ANd yes, I'm awake. It's completely maddening. I have been exhausted all day. I finally have the opportunity to sleep, but nay, it eludes me like an antelope from a lion. When I tried to sleep in my room, it was too unbearably hot and humid to function at all. But it made me drowsy and unmotiveted to move. Finally I almost had a suffocation attack, and decided to go to the basement. So I grabbed my pillow and my alarm clock and hauled ass down there. Ahhh, comfort. Coolness. And no more grogginess. No, just calm, comfortable coolness, with too much silence for my thougths. Stupid thoughts. The are poisoning my rain. Infecting it. I can't sleep, I'm kept too awake in preparation for what I have to do. The things that are still unsaid are eating at my brain. And I can't just say them. Why? BECAUSE IT'S 1AM IN THE FREAKING MORNING, THAT'S WHY. Not to mention the plan isn't so workable for the enxt three days. Blasted school. Speaking on that note, I haven't even pretended to study for finals. I did spend all day outside reading, and have an awesome tan to show for it. Oh, I wish the deliberation would just end. Stop stop stop. But no. It continues. And yesm, this post serves no purpose. However, it's my way of getting rid of a few of those horrid, infecting thoughts.

Just keep repeating to myself. I can do this. I can do this.

Oh, dammit. My whole life is gone to hell. Okay, not is. But will be, thanks to my need to be honest. But that's life. Coming to terms with the things you least want to face.