The Last Three Years Were Just Pretend

Hello. I am feeling contemplative right now- not emo like, but reminicing like. I've been cleaning my room semi-thoroughly. I found old CDs, ones that I burned, with songs that basically suck and yet make me think of times gone by. You know we're (and by we I mean most of my friends) are going to be seniors next year? Jesus Christ, where does the time go? I can remember sitting on my old neighbour's back porch spitting watermelon seeds and throwing rocks (at people's heads generally- I have always been kind of violent) and being completely innocent and naieve (well, as much so as I ever was). And now look at me. I wouldn't call me grown up, but definately things change. Which is of course, inevitable.





Just for the record, I started writing that this afternoon. I am not in a completely different mood. But I didn't feel like destroying about five minutes of hard work, either.

I am now watching The DAy After Tomorrow, which is naturally fascinating. Jakey Jake is so pretty. Lalala.

I like using pretty boys to distract me from what is not going right in my life. Well not really mine. Please. Nothing happens in my life. I am forced to live voraciously through others.

:-\ = the "I don't know what to say" face

I don't liek when my friends are fighting really badly over something pretty stupid. I mean, yeah, feelings aren't stupid, but when people take them too intensely and everything gets fucked up because of one little thing, then it's pretty stupid.

It's those kind of times I really wish I still had a best friend. At least some one to be there, just to listen and not judge it, maybe even not tell me what to do. It seems like most times, you know what to do. Its just that matter of doing it. And no amount of outside help can make you do some tings. There are just those things you have to do from the inside. And during thsoe times you need someone with you just to hold your hand, even if they're not helping you fight. It can be very lonely, just watching and not doing. Like that poem we read in brit lit. Lady of Shalott. She just watched the world go by in her mirror. But then she got away from her mirror and saw the real world. Look what happened to her- she died.

People just don't understand each other. Looking in the mirror you can see both sides, but they can't hear you. Looking at the real world, you can't see both sides, sometimes you can't see anything, but you can talk. Which is better? The eyes, or the voice?

Funny how the fight went nicely along with the storm. I love ironic such things

It's time for me to close my eyes. And my mouth. And continue another day being alone but not so alone at the same time.