c'est la vie

In the few humble years my presence has been graced upon this planet, I have learned one very important thing that everyone knows in their mind but refuses to accept (cognative dissonance): you always want what you can't have. The important converse to this: you never want what you can have.

Maybe it's the inevitable plight of human culture. All anyone wants is to be happy, to feel full and satisfied. But we all know that you are never satisfied.

So the challenge here? Well, we have a decision to make: do we take what we can get and stare out a window late at night, dreaming of what we can only keep in our hearts, wishing on a star that cannot hear us? Or do we chase our dream, that fallen star that is too far away to catch, and just hope and believe that if we try hard enough we can make that diving save and grab that star before it disappears forever? And who's to say that if, on the oddest chance we catch that star, we won't look up and realise the heavens are endless, and that there's always another star to catch?

And here's another thought- what if the one thing we hope and strives for comes true, but not because you caught the star but because it fell for you- what if you are just someone's settling, the last resort for a person. Are you really happy then? Maybe for a while, but no one wants to jsut satisfy another's dreams- they want to fufill and surpass all things in the other's imagination.

So in the end, no one can really end up happy. Even if you chase your dreams, there is no garuntee they will come true (no matter what Mr. Pohlman tries to tell you). And who's to say that once they come true, it would be worthwhile.

The risk involved is so high. No wonder people are afraid- it's not jsut failure they fear, but they fear the lack of fufilment they might feel even if they accomplish their dreams. So no one really knows what they want either.

No matter what you do, you end up with a broken heart.

For these reasons, I hate life.

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it any where
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear
Louder, Louder And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think i might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice I
'll be right beside you dear
Louder, Louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say
Slower, slower
We don't have time for that
All I want's to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads
Have heart, my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if its just for a few days
Making up for all this mess
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

I like that song. I kind of suck at interpreting poetry (yeah stupid brit lit) but that song has a special meaning to me (for whatever reason, I don't know) and when I hear it I feel everyting at once. I'm adork. It's okay I know.

So I'll just be happy hear, dreaming of what I cannot have and trying to decide where to settle in reality.