Just now, as I was driving home, I happened upon my street, and there, posted proudly at the corner was a little green sign stating its name. Noble, to be true, except for one minor point- there is a giant WALL with the steet name etched into it and then painted black, with lights pointing at it and large trees to attract your attention to it. However, the little green signpost in the corner is obviously far more noticeable and useful. Right.
One has to feel sorry for the little green signpost. Its right there, just fufilling its duty, and with great accomplishment, too. Yet, who is going to notice it in contrast to the grand pomp in the middle of the street? I wonder- how long has it been there, alone and unnoticed by even myself, a resident of the development? Who placed it there, if it was to have no real purpose. Yes, in fact, it names the street. But the resplendent greeting in the centre of our humble street has been serving the same duty for nearly nine years, and just now someone takes the initiative to randomly plop a little green sign on the corner. One has to pity that lonely little sign. Its enough to make me want to put balloons on it or something.
Today I was reading Jason Mraz's journal. Its rather interesting and insightful- I wish I had his way with words. He can talk about nothing and make it meaningful, or talk about something and make it interesting. He seems to me a rather captivating person- I can see why both Caitlin and Shannon are both half in love with him. (I reckon their other halves have Daniel...) Anyway, right, his entries ramble, but they are funny and meaningful, and I'm quite jealous of his talent.
I wish I could captivate people. It would be nice to feel like an intersting, worthwhile person once in a while. But when I go all sulky and teenager-like, I can completely understand why I will never be that way. I'm far too self-centred, trying to say just the right thing at just the right time. It would most likely be best for me to say what I think when I think it- I neeeed to stop caring so much about what people think about me. Not that people think great things about me or anything, as was pointed out priorly in the sentance. I just wish I had the ability to be interesting. That would be lovely...
Okay, the sulky-ness needs to stop, it is unnecisary. I wish I could spell that word.
Tomorrow begins the six week legacy of summer keyboarding. I expect not to enjoy it one wit. Who could? though Shannon says stockhausen is much better in the summer, I am skeptical- because a) I am skeptical of everything, and b) come on, its summer keyboarding, how fun could it be? For now, from 8:30 to 11:00 each weekday morning, I shall be forced to endure the pain of typing properly. I have learned I am utterly incapeable of typing without looking at the keys and without being lounged casually in my spinny chair, feet up on the bookshelves, with my music blaring loudly from the speakers. Being the creature of habit that I am (and Komo did tell us that we were creatures of habit- and I completely agree) I am not sure what will happen when I am forced into a bright, smell-less room sitting upright with that dandy little black cardboard blocking the view of my precious keystrokes. Alas!
I feel jumbled with myself at the time. I also feel growing paranoia and despair growing within me, and therefore cannot wait for my secret meeting with Shannon (which is obviously not a secret- its really just bonding time for us) in a few weeks when we can both spaz at eachother about how life is meaningless and hopeless and the whatnot. I know, what cheer I impart on my devoted readers! I think I know of one person who reads this everyday. And I store a lot of undeserved animosity towards dais person right now. 'Tis no fault of her own- it is only myself at fault. I am jumbled. You can relate, oh nameless person that everyone knows.
I am also a bit...disappointed in the fact that the world is being a hypocrite to me. Perhaps I was born under an unlucky star or something. It would make sense- I cannot seem to make anything work out for me. I mess it all up. And I really suck at fixing things.
I need help, don't I?
Oh, but where to turn...I have shannon. I suppose I will bottle it right now, I can deal- I know its really me making something out of nothing. But on the other hand, it's bothering me. Shannon, you are right now the only person I can talk to (about this...not in general) because you are the only person I trust not to go around talking about it, but I also know that you'll relate to it (even if you don't understand it!) and that you'll not pester me with it at other times- well, not incesantly, anyway. Thanks for being there, Shannon. And to le others- I know you guys are there, too. But somehow, its just not right.
Who here completely appreciates the vagueness of those two paragraphs or so? I do, that is for sure. They make sense to me- and that's all that matters right now, as not much is making sense to me recently.
I have done quite a bit of driving in the last few days. Walker Road in particular is starting to get on my nerves- I have seen it far too often, and am so familiar with it, I could probably drive down it blindfolded. (fear not- we shalln't be testing this hypothesis) Henceforth and hitherto, I believe I will drive Lake for a while, if only to give me new sights to see. Like the lake. Right.
Lake Erie is facinating when lit up by lighting. Well, anything is, but The lake looks cool, and its sort of surreal while you're standing out there on those rocks, with the sea (well, okay, toxic waste- but sea sounds so much more insightful) crashing around you and the rain falling. I enjoyed it. I am going to stop now, as I feel myself getting mushy and romantic-like, and I have never swum very deep into my soul and will most likely drown if I try.
Going back to the whole little green signpost buddy- It made me think that I have to be more noticeable of things. I wonder how long that has even been there- I have not EVER noticed it before. I know it must be fairly recent, but still. Like I was saying, I have to try to see the little things. They always say (though don't ask me who the evasive "they" are) that its the little things in life that matter. Well, I have been focusing on (what are to me) big things too much, so I'm going to have to scale myself down and look small. Instead of the stars in the sky, I'm going to have to look at electrons in an atom. (A chem reference for you, my dutiful reader- mind you, I mean that figuratively, not literealy. Also, keep in mind that Katie and Shannon and I once had a deep, deep discusion about the lives of electron people.) Maybe then I'll figure out what's wrong with me. Until then, who knows how reactive I could be (regular actinide series over here) to stupid things. Everyone please disregard my emotional state, and of course the words on this page. I must pretend they mean nothing, and act as though they are not concealing truth. Well, they're not. They are really tantalising hints towards the truth. But until I know what that truth is...

yo ho
yo ho
a (dazed, confused, stupid, un-noticing, un-noticeable) pirate's life for
~me

(I ought to have cut the chem jokes a bit, I suppose. If anyone else has noticed the green sign, kindly tell me. Green means go- and I saw the sign. Haha. That makes sence to me. An omen, or a sign or something. Yippe-kye-ya. Motha fucka.)
(The little postscript is meaningless and kills the sincerity of the post, does it not?)
(Oh, well, you're loss, not mine!)
(Deep down, I love you all, its okay.)