Further adventures with the hell-bird.

Well, first of all, I arrived today to see that the damn thing pulled out its feathers, even though it has been fine the last three days, and I jsut called Liz last night to tell her that the bird was fine and that it would manage the week, and that her aunt didn't have to bother taking it to Florida. Yeah, bite those words, eh?
Anyway, then the bird was being less hostile than normal, so I tried picking it up, and it allowed me to do so, adn so I put a towel on my shoulder and sat there for a while listening to Coldplay and chillaxin' with the bird. Well, anyway, after a while, the bird started eating my hair, and ever time I looked at it I had this horrible feeling like it was going to gouge out my eyeballs, so I tried to make it step back up on my finger to put it in the cage. Only, little devil bird (I kid you not, the thing has no name, it responds to devil) did not feel like going in its cage yet, so it tried to take off a few of my fingers. Then I tried pulling off the towel it was sitting on, only to find that it has crapped on it, henceforth making me put my hand in a pile of bird shit and giving the bird time to jump off the towel onto the shoulder. So, now I have to worry that it is goign to crap on my jacket and gouge out my eyeballs. I tried to urge the thing onto the towel, since it could bit the towel all it wants without hurting me , only all that did was chase the bird onto my back where I couldn't reach it at all and where it could have, at any point, lashed out and bitten off my spinal column. Then I get this brilliant idea to take off my jacket so the bird would have no where to go but back in its cage. Only, I was too nice, not wanting to harm an...innocent...animal, and it jumped on my bare back. So I pretty much am squirming around trying to get this bird off of me, yelling obsenities and damning my horrible luck to be taking care of the little fucker, when it decides (after about five minutes of its scratchy talons being buried in my back, mind you) to go back to its cage.
I hate birds.
Stupid stupid feathery blighter.

yo ho
yo ho
a (once again crapped on) pirate's life for
~me