***WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE?***

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
History Homework:
Here's the deal...
I need your help. My friend is about to marry this guy that none of our friends knows much about. We don't want her to rush into things and end up messing up her entire life, so we've been doing a little of our own investigating...
Here's a list of items we found in Adam's garbage over the past week

calculator
12 cans of diet pepsi
empty carton of whole milk
extra strength nyquil bottle
1 combination lock
jeans (tag waist28/length36)
notices about a college reunion
bag of styrofoam packing
36 disposable diapers
receipt for flowers sent to fiance (my cousin)
bank notice: $14.12 in checking account
1984 HS yearbook (he was a senior)
1 bar of caress soap
1 orange juice carton
1 bottle of wine
2 yogurt cups
a broken cd
pair women's shoes
17 AA batteries
8 jars of baby food
empty perfume bottle
12 cans of cat food
religious newsletter
old work boots
7 newspapers
junk mail
1 piece of sandpaper
2 Mcdonalds bags
sports illustrated mag
bottle of clorox bleach
advanced calculus book
an empty kleenex box

now it's your turn to make some conclusions based on the information...

What is his job?
is he educated?
What kind of person is he? Is he faithful? Is he loyal? Religious?
Is he healthy?
Is he clean and well kept?
Is he entertaining?

write a report about this man's life. Discuss his 'story' by examining what he has thrown out.

Finally, what do you think? Should my cousin marry him? Why or why not?

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Yes, so, the conclusions one can make from this are obvious:
He's gotta be a teacher, or like, studying to be one, because no other profession would have so many things, but only 14.24 in their bank account. Plus, the calculator and the calculus book indicate that he is probably a math teacher of some type, most likely in the high school level. Either that, or he could possibly be a student at the local college, though what kind of morons get married still in college? Also, if her were a senior in '84, then he is now about 37 ish, and that's one hell of a long college career.

Hell, yeah he's educated. We're talking absent-minded professor here. Broken CDs, calculus books, calculators, AA batteries. Not only is he a geek, but he's one of those computer nerds, too. Probably has glasses. Big eyes, nasaly voice, but the rico-suave geek look caitlin likes so much.

I'm guessing he's loyal. Come on, no money but still a reciept for roses? Not only is that pukingly romantic, but its really nice, too. Although, one might want to find out whose shoes those are. If their your cousins, then he's one hell of a good lay, and if they're not, well, then, find out whose they are, but he's probably still a good lay.
Religiousness- now, we all know I have unfair bias on this subject. However, the old religious newsletter is promising to say that he is, I mean, who actually gets subscription to those. It might be useful to look at the date, though. If its A) more than a month, he's probably not religious, just got it for some reason then hid it away and just found it now B) less than a week he probably got a promotional subscription but threw it out right away C) less then a month more then a week- probably fairly religous, or at the very least tries to keep up with current issues of moral.
Other traits- he's probably bent up with starting a new life. Like I said, he was probably a geek. Hence his pack-ratness caused him to keep his old college/high school stuff until now, when he's starting a new life possibly with your cousin, and is getting rid of the old stuff from the last life. Plus, who throws out their HS yearbook? Even if you are old? Only people with lousy high school careers, I say.

Healthy- We've got ourselves a man with a high metabolism! Mcdonald bags, yogurt, whole milk- one cup of each of those is like enough calories for the entire week!! But only a 28 inch waist! thats like, insane. My waste is barely 28 and I eat way healthier stuff than he. However, the empty tissue box and the nyquill indicate either a possibly drug dependancy or a recent cold.

I'm guessing he is organized, but extremely absent minded. Like, the stuff he uses is perfect, and if one paper is moved, he freaks out, but stuff he doesnt need gets tossed to the nearest empty space (not including the spotles computer desk) to be left until he cleans it, in aboot (canadian) 20 years. Owing to the fact that he is a geek, chances are his physical appearences are medicore, well-kempt as far as it goes, minue the messy, dishevveled hair due to nevious tension habit of running his fingers through his hair. I mean, he threw out an entire bar of soap. I doubt he totally lets himself go, I dont care how dirty you are, no one throws out entire bars of soap, but absent-minded people might. Especially since it was such girly soap. What guy bathes with caress?

Entertaining. Well, The jars of baby food and diapers make me think he is at least sexualy entertainging and has a child, possibly with your cousin. Thoguh, his agreement to take care of the kid is really sweet (back to the loyal thing, too) since not many unmarried men take responsibility (not including my soccer coache's boyfriend.....long story) I'd guess he's okay, kind of boring at times, but if you share interests, he's pretty cool. Geeks own , you know

I think its okay for your cousin to marry him. I mean, I'm sure she'll get pissed at him when he doesnt clean the house and throws out her magazine she left on the computer desk. But he can probably make her happy. I mean, no one's perfect. I also think he's probably god around the house, or at least tries to be, with the work clothes and the sandpaper. He'll prolly try to be macho de vez en cuando, with the whole sports illistrated thing, but hey, all guys get a little ego-happy at times. Plus, if he is the father of the child, its always good for a child to be with its natural parents. But he might have a cat. That could be annoying if she doesnt like pets.


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Possibly, there is another option.
Adam is trailer trash. He's humping another woman, and they have a kid as a result. He remembered what hope everyone had for him in high school, with his good grades and all, but he got mad at himself for being a loser and threw out all of his old high school stuff. Because he has nothng better to do, being unemployed and fund-less, he reads newspapers and magazines all day. He threw out the college reunion papers b/c he doesnt want anyone to see what he has become. Possibly, he is mormon, and already has various wives in state-funded welfare homes and trailer parks. He must get laid like ofter, with the shoes and the perfume and all. Also, he has a possible drug dependency, getting high on whatever he can, such as bleach and nyquill. His eyes always water from the drug use, hence use of tissues. The lu=cky guy got a high motabolism, though, so depite the fact that he eats really crappy food, he's in decent shape. The closest thing he has to a job is the occasional work as a builder, with the sandpaper and such, but my guess is that he sucks at this. He probably rapes people, and is a spouse abuser.
Do not allow her to marry him, or she'll be on welfare with three kids in about a week. Not to mention 297835789 bruises. Its a tough world out there, no need of him to make it any tougher.